It comes every night.
Right when the world goes quiet,
And the lights stop pretending they protect me.
It’s never in front of me,
It stays behind me.
Always behind me,
Although this is scary,
This is strangely comforting for me,
Because I know where it will always be.
This monster frightens me,
My skin tightens when it’s near,
And my heartbeat forgets its rhythm,
And becomes a broken hymn swallowed by the dark.
It’s always so close to me,
I can hear it breathing through the dark,
It’s wet and slow,
Like it’s savoring the thought of me,
It wants me hollow,
It wants me shaking,
It wants me alive long enough to enjoy,
Savoring the thought of eating me alive.
So I run away from it,
Not because I think I’ll escape,
But because stopping feels worse,
Stopping means I have to finally face it,
So I run until my legs burn,
I run until my thoughts blur,
I run until exhaustion feels like mercy.
They say if I turn around and face it,
Something different will happen,
Something new will come my way,
They say it will lose its power,
They say it feeds on my fear,
But what if they’re wrong?
What if it’s stronger when seen?
What if it’s waiting for me to finally look at it?
I can’t face it like a madman,
With eyes wide open,
Pretending to be brave,
When all I can feel is terror in my heart,
If I turn around and it’s real,
If I turn around and it smiles,
What happens after that?
I refuse to find out,
I can’t face the unknown,
I have to keep running.
And running.
And running away from it,
That’s the choice I have to choose.
It torments me in unimaginable ways,
It drags my mind through every failure,
Every unfinished dream,
Every version of myself that didn’t survive,
And I only keep running,
And enduring all the nightmares it inflicts on me.
I want to believe there’s hope,
I want to believe I’m braver than this,
But that’s just wishful thinking.
I’m stuck in my own ways,
I’m used to running from it,
I’m used to the sound it makes when it’s close,
I’m used to how it keeps me low and alone,
I’m used to it nibbling at me,
Piece by piece,
Taking things that can’t be replaced,
Until I don’t recognize what’s left of me.
This monster will always follow me.
This monster will always be behind me.
I don’t run to escape it anymore,
I run to pretend it hasn’t already won.
The Warfield Zone 