Please Forgive Me

I’m glad that you’re back in my life again.

I’ve missed you so much.

I hated that there was a division between us.

I hated the wall between us.

I longed for your warm touch.

Ironically, it wasn’t that big of a wall.

It was a little wall that was easy to step over.

It’s crazy that I didn’t have to jump over it.

I just had to will myself to the wall.

Sadly, that was easier said than done.

 

There was something in me that never existed before.

It was doubt about you.

I had doubt about us.

I didn’t know if we could be together.

I thought that maybe it was a mistake to have you in my life.

I thought that I didn’t deserve someone like you.

I thought that I wasn’t worthy of you.

I thought that we couldn’t go the distance.

 

I’m glad that we have each other again.

I’m glad that I could finally will myself over that small wall between us.

Thank you for your patience and kindness with me.

I promise to always keep you close to my heart.

Life may have gotten crazy, but it was no excuse to push you away from me.

You’re a part of who I am, and I love who I am when I’m with you.

I’ll hold on to you as long as I can.

Please forgive me for abandoning you.

Please forgive me.

 

Losing You

I’ve lost my joy and passion in you.

How do I get you back into my life?

You used to be everything to me, but now you’re just barely a thought.

I miss having you in my life.

 

You’ve gotten me through the worst times in my life.

Now, I’m more lost without you.

Now, I’m more depressed without you.

Now, I’m more lonely without you.

Now, I’m more broken without you.

 

I pray that you can return to me.

I miss your ever so warm touch.

You gave me a feeling like no other.

No one could ever replace you because you mean the world to me.

You’re my best friend.

You’re a love like no other.

You’re my therapist that I can always count on in my darkest of days.

 

You’ve helped me in more ways than I can count.

How did I lose you?

Why are you no longer in my life?

I guess life is the answer to my question.

Life just complicated things between us.

Life just pushed us apart.

Life just took you away from me.

 

The agony is too much now.

Only you can help ease the pain.

Only you can help me release what needs to be released.

Please, tell me how can I get you back?

 

Losing you means something worse.

Losing you means a more terrible nightmare is in store for me.

Losing you means dreams can never be a reality for me.

Losing you means losing myself.

Silence in a Dark Place

I’m alone in the dark with nowhere to go.

I aimlessly run forward further into the darkness.

I long to find an ending.

I hope it’s of comfort and warmth, but I fear it will be an unfamiliar place.

A place of nightmares.

A place of suffering.

A place of terror.

A place of horror.

How could one survive such a place?

I pray for an answer, but I get no response.

God’s silence is deafening.

 

I’m running but to no purpose.

There’s nothing waiting for me but total darkness.

Yet, I still run, but I don’t know why.

I want to stop, but I can’t.

I’m coughing blood, and I start slowing down.

My body wants me to stop, but I can’t.

My spirit just keeps pushing me.

 

I start crying because I know what’s going to happen.

I know how my story’s going to end.

It will end with me not making to my destination.

It will end with me not knowing what I was running towards.

I wonder if I was even close.

Or was I too far away from the light at the end of this never-ending tunnel of darkness?

I pray to God again one last time for answer, but I get no response.

There’s only silence in a dark place.

 

Lost and Forgotten

I wish that I could be better.

I pray every day to be better.

I wonder what’s taking God so long.

Why doesn’t He want to help me right now?

Why does He have to be so quiet, while everything around me is so loud and clear?

 

I guess it takes patience and time with God.

Also, what am I expecting Him to do?

To just magically make my troubles go away?

I don’t think it works like that.

I wish more than anything that it did though.

It would be so much easier for me.

 

God, I’m sorry that I’m struggling right now.

God, I’m sorry that I can’t lift the weight off my shoulders.

God, I’m sorry that I can only do so much.

God, I’m sorry that my spirit is weak.

God, I’m sorry for who I am right now.

 

How could be going through this right now?

Now’s not a good time.

I’m broken, and I’m in desperate need of healing.

 

I can’t let people help me, especially those close to me.

They can’t see this side of me.

It’s shameful and disgusting.

I’m supposed to be this perfect image for them.

I have to be, otherwise who am I?

I’ll just hide the pain, the struggling and the hurt I’m feeling.

I’ll just pretend I’m fine because it’s the best thing to do for everyone.

I have to think about others, before I think about myself.

 

I want to be better, but I don’t think it’s possible.

I think I got a long, grueling road ahead of me.

Can I make it to the end of it?

I don’t know.

I hope I can, but I don’t think that’s enough.

Will God help me a little more?

I don’t know.

It just feels like I’m lost and forgotten.

 

This is the end of the poem “Lost and Forgotten.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this poem.

This weekend, I will be sharing and posting poetry dedicated to my little sister Shawna in honor of her birthday October 1.

 

 

 

 

Please, Help Me Believe

It’s getting harder and harder to hold on to you.

I’m sorry that I’m complaining.

I’m sorry that I’m not strong enough to still hold on to you.

The weight is too much for me.

I know I have to find a way, but I can’t.

Help me, please.

 

You’re precious to me, but you require so much from me.

I have to believe in you, even when there’s no reason to.

I have to believe in you when others tell me not to.

I have to believe in you like I believe in God.

Please, help me believe in you.

 

Please, let me breathe.

I know you’re meant to help me breathe, but I’m suffocating with you in my life.

I swear if the world wasn’t always hurting me, you wouldn’t mean anything to me.

I hate that I need you so much.

 

You’re such a dangerous thing.

You make me go mad.

It’s a shame that I can’t rely on reason and logic.

You’re the only way to salvation

 

I remember someone once said you’re a good thing.

Maybe even the best thing.

But it’s just so hard to see that now.

I don’t know who you are anymore, and I can’t see the good in you.

Please, help me.

 

I long to see your beauty again.

I want to embrace you and hold you tight.

But, I’m barely holding on to you right now.

I’m so close to falling to my death.

My grip to you is slowly slipping.

I’m trying to hold on to you for dear life.

I’m trying to find the strength to pull myself up to you, but I’m stuck in the same place.

There’s just no way out of it.

 

Please, just show me the way.

Please, just give me a reason to trust in you.

Why are you just holding my hand?

Please, pull me up before I descend into madness.

Why can’t you do that?

Why do I have to do all the work?

 

I guess it really is all on me.

I mean, you are helping me stay alive.

Maybe you’re trying to help me up, but you just can’t.

Maybe the gravity or weight of the world is strong like you.

Maybe they’re not as strong as you, but strong enough to keep me in the same place.

 

I guess it doesn’t help that I’m doing nothing but hanging in there.

I guess I can’t blame you because you’re keeping me alive.

I thank you for that.

I do need you in my life, and you’re true to me and many others in the world.

Please, help me believe in you.

 

 

The Girl With the Pills

It was my freshman year of college at Indiana University of Pennsylvania, and I was just chilling in my dorm. I remember it was a Monday night, and my roommate Craig was having very, very loud sex with some girl in his room. Now, I knew his schedule. He would always have sex with someone on Mondays, Wednesdays and every now then Saturdays. Usually, it would be late like midnight or 1:00 am, however today was different because he was having sex at 8:00 pm, while I was trying to do some homework. At first, I was a little mad that he was having sex, but then I thought that it was better to be early and all so that I can get some sleep. Eventually, the noises died down at 8:30ish, and Craig ended up knocking on my door. I yelled that it was opened, and he opened the door. Then, he said, “Hey bruh, sorry if me and my girl were loud, we got a little carried away.”

I looked at him and said, “A little? I was hearing all kinds of jungle noises. Everybody probably heard you two going at it like animals.”

We both chuckled and I said, “Alright, are y’all done for the night, then? I’m surprised that you got it in early and all.”

He gave me a face and said, “Well, we’re probably gonna take a shower and then chill some more.”

“How much more, man?” I asked.

He replied, “I don’t know, bruh. Like Zay this girl is bad, man. She badder than the last girl that I was with two days ago. Like she did her thang, and I need more, bruh.”

I looked at him and said, “Bro, it’s a school night. There’s people trying to sleep and study right now, including me, and you’re trying to have some more loud sex with her?”

Craig replied, “Bruh, she bad, you don’t understand, Zay. She’s on point and everything man. And look, I promise that we’re gonna be quiet, bruh. Trust me.”

I stood up and said, “Craig, I can’t trust you. You’re lying to me right now. I know you’re gonna give her that same energy you just gave her. You just hyped her up and everything man. You two are probably gonna be louder than ever with your horny self. You ain’t got to lie, Craig.”

Now, I’ll admit that I didn’t say “You ain’t got to lie, Craig” to Craig on that day, but I said everything else. Now back to the story.

We both laughed, and he said, “For real, Zay, we gonna be quiet.”

I sighed and said, “Alright and if someone comes knocking on our door talking about the noises you making again, you talking to them.”

He chuckled and said, “Alright, bet. Oh and don’t forget you gotta tell me what you want to do on your birthday with the choices I presented to you.”

I groaned and said, “I ain’t doing none of those things.”

He laughed and said, “Oh, we’ll see.”

The choices he’s referring to is another story.

Anyways, he leaves my room and closes my door. A few seconds later, I hear him and his girl of the night giggling across the room and entering our bathroom to take a shower. The shower starts and already noise begin. I quickly put on my headphones and try to ignore them. A few minutes later, I received a text message from this girl on my floor. Her name was Jessica, and she was in my sociology class. I open it, and she was asking me what I was doing. I told her that I was just chilling in my room and all, and then she asked me if I wanted to study with her. I really didn’t need to study sociology, but I kind of wanted to get out of my room. So, I texted, “Yeah sure, we can meet up at the library or something.”

She replied, “Well, how about we study at my room instead? It’s more convenient since we live on the same floor, and I’m already all comfortable, and I don’t feel like getting dressed lol.”

I laughed and texted, “Alright cool, I’ll be over in a couple minutes.”

Then, she responded, “Can’t wait to see you.”

I’ll admit I was really excited. Jessica was pretty and attractive, and she was three or four years older than me. I was 18, and I was thinking to myself, “Man, I can’t believe I’m about to study with this pretty girl.”

So, I got my books together and put them in my bookbag. I was still ignoring the noises Craig and his girl of the night was making in the shower and I headed to Jessica’s room. I made it to her room, knocked on her door and waited for her answer. She opened the door, and she was looking fine and scrumptious. She had on these pink short shorts on and a white T-shirt, and her body was looking so nice. Also, she had the prettiest feet ever, and they were kind of hypnotizing to me. Her black hair draped her shoulders. Her face and eyes were so gorgeous, and I just couldn’t ignore the goodness and the sweetness that was in front of me. After I was staring for so long, she asked me if I was gonna come in. I stuttered, “Oh y-y-yeah, I’m coming…um in to um y-y-y-your place, I mean room.”

She laughed and said that I was so cute. I walked in, and I just couldn’t believe how awkward I was with her just now. I was so embarrassed. Her roommate’s door was closed, and we ended up going into her room. Jessica’s room was a little messy with her clothes on the floor and her desk had a bunch of stuff on it. The only thing that was clear was the bed. I put my bookbag down and a naïve 18-year-old Isaiah wondered how were we gonna study in her room? All of a sudden, Jessica slammed the door shut, ran over to me and pushed me on her bed. Then, she got on top of me and started kissing on me. I was surprised, shocked and excited, and I just started kissing her back. We ended up just making out.

Now, we weren’t making out long. It was about a minute that we were kissing. I was expecting us to just kiss, until she started trying to take my shirt off and go below the belt. She was confused and asked what was wrong. I said, “Oh well, I’m not trying to have sex at all. I’m trying to be a virgin till marriage. Is it alright if we just kiss?”

She looked at me, chuckled and said, “Oh yeah, I remember you telling me that. Yeah, we can just kiss it’s no problem.”

I thanked her for understanding, and we continued to make out. Then, thirty seconds later, she was trying to go below the belt again. I stopped her. Before I could say anything, she laughed and said, “You’re too cute. Look, I think I have something that will help.”

She got up, went into her drawer and took out these pills. I was confused and didn’t understand. I tried to get back up, but she pushed me back down on the bed. She laughed and said, “Relax, Isaiah. Just let me get back on top and relax, okay?”

I listened to her, and she ended up getting back on top of me. She started giving me pecks of kisses, showed me one of the pills and whispered, “This pill will help you relax a little more with me.”

She put it close to my mouth, and I stopped her and asked her what is it. She smiled and said, “Oh, it’s just something to help you relax. I promise it’s completely harmless. Look, I’ll even take it.”

She put it in her mouth, got some water and swallowed it. Then, she said, “See, it’s fine, Isaiah, you can trust me.”

Jessica brought another pill close to my face and tried to put the pill in my mouth, but I stopped her again. Then, I said, “Look, Jessica, I’m not trying to take anything. You’re making me a little uncomfortable and—

Before I could finish, Jessica kissed me and whispered, “Okay, I’m sorry. We’ll just go back to kissing, I promise.”

Before I could say anything, she just started kissing on me. Eventually, I started kissing her back, and we were just making out again. We’re kissing for a good two minutes, when she’s slowly trying to touch me below the belt. I stopped her again, and she said, “Isaiah, just take this pill. I promise you’ll be more relaxed.”

After that moment, I realized that I had to leave. So, I said, “Look, I just realized that I have a lot of homework, and I just really need to go.”

I got her off of me, and she said, “Isaiah, I’m sorry. Just come back to my bed. I promise you, we’re just gonna kiss.”

I shook my head and replied, “I’m okay, Jessica. I just really have to go, I’m sorry.”

I told her that I would see her in class, and I ended up leaving her room.

I was outside my door, and I could hear Craig and his girl of the night having sex. I shook my head, opened the door and went to my room. I sat on my bed and could not believe that I was in a scary situation with Jessica, the girl with the pills.

This is the end of “The Girl with the Pills.”

Be sure to like, comment and share your thoughts on this short story.

 

 

The Old Man at the Beach

Hey y’all, sorry that it’s been a minute since I posted on the Warfield Zone. I found myself needing to take a little break and focus on my senior year of college, my relationship with God and other things as well. Anyways, I’m back, and I’m ready to share some of my stories with you all. A story that comes to mind and kind of connects with another story that I will be sharing this week as well is “The Old Man at the Beach.”

This summer, my family and I took a trip to Virginia Beach. It was the end of June, and it was exciting for me because I had never been to Virginia Beach. I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew that I was gonna have a great time with my family. Also, I made sure to bring my camera with me as well because I knew that I could get a lot of great pictures for my photography shop Eyes Haven’t Seen. For me, it was gonna be a very productive vacation.

My family and I would be in Virginia Beach for a couple of days, and it consisted of us making a lot of great memories with each other. However, one day spent at the beach is where I would meet an interesting, old man.

It was a hot, summer day at Virginia Beach. My family and I were excited to go to the beach and enjoy the sand, the sun and the ocean. The weather was a perfect 90 degrees. I remember the wind blowing perfectly and the ocean looking so pretty. Luckily, my family and I found a great spot on the beach to claim, chill and relax. I had my Canon E0S Rebel T6 with me, so I knew that I was gonna take some amazing pictures. I had on a T-shirt, swim trunks and sandals. I decided to take my shirt off and go take some pictures. I told my mom that I was just gonna roam around the beach and take some pictures. My mom said alright, and I went to take some pictures.

As I was walking around the beach taking photos, I realized that I had left my phone with my family. At first, I was thinking about going back to get it, but then I thought that it wasn’t necessary because I wasn’t going to be gone too long. Sadly, I was wrong.

I was taking pictures, and I saw that I was kind of far away from my family. I was thinking about being done taking photographs and heading back to my family, but I thought that I could use a hundred more photographs in my camera.

Anyways, I’m taking more pics in an area that has a few people in it. There’s a guy sitting down on a bench and another guy is just standing and looking at the ocean view. While I’m still taking pictures, I’m approached by this old, black man. He was wearing some shades, a hat, a nice watch, pink shorts and some sandals. He had a fat belly and a little white beard. Anyways, he came over to me and asked if I wanted to take some pictures of him. I told him that I was fine, but then he got a little closer to me. He asked again if I was sure, and I told him again that I was fine. He was uncomfortably close to me, and I kind of felt trapped. Then, he said, “Can I just say that you are a very handsome, young man? Also, very strong. Do you work out a lot?”

Before I could answer, he ended up touching my arms and shoulders. He even patted my stomach a little and said, “Oh yeah, you definitely work out a lot.”

He ended up laughing, and I laughed a little and said, “No, just a little. I just work out like two or three times a week.”

He started laughing, but I kind of just gave a chuckle. I was really nervous and uncomfortable with him, and I just really wanted him to give me some space and to stop touching me. I tried to walk away, but then he said, “Hey, do you wanna smoke some weed with me? It’s back at my car, and it’s some good stuff.”

I replied, “Oh no thank you, I don’t smoke weed.”

I chuckled, but he walked up on me all serious and said, “Don’t you lie to me. I know you smoke weed. I can see it in your eyes. Why don’t you wanna smoke with me?”

I took a step back because he was really close to me, and I said, “Again, sir, I don’t smoke weed.”

“Why are you lying to me? I know you like weed. There’s no way that you don’t smoke weed. I don’t believe it,” he said.

He was still looking serious, and I was still a little scared. He just seemed very insulted that I didn’t want to smoke with him, so I said, “Yeah sir, I don’t smoke weed. Also, I’m vacationing with my family and—

“Oh, I know. I saw you with your family. You’re family is quite lovely. When I saw you walking away from them with your camera, I was hoping to bump into you,” the old man interrupted.

That was kind of a little creepy and stalker-ish to me. I just wanted to get away from him, but I couldn’t. We ended up talking another ten minutes just about each other, and I just really wished that I had my phone with me. I would’ve used it to call my mom or something. Anyways, we ended up talking about music and the instruments we played. I told him how I played the drums, and he explained that he played seven different instruments. Then, he pointed in the opposite direction and explained that his house wasn’t too far from here. He said, “If you want, we can go back to my place, have a little jam session cause I have a lot of instruments with me and maybe smoke some weed.”

He was so adamant about smoking weed with me, and it just made me uncomfortable. I really just wanted to get away from him. Then, he abruptly asked me if I was seeing someone. I quickly responded, “Yes sir, I am seeing someone. An amazing girl that I’m just so in love with right now.”

Then, he said, “Aww that’s sweet, what’s her name and what’s she like?”

Now, there wasn’t a girl that I was deeply in love with at all in my life. I was just saying that because it was more convenient to stretch the truth in this situation that I was in with this old man. So, I said, “Yeah, her name is Denise and she’s just the most special girl in my life right now. I couldn’t imagine life without her.”

“Aww that’s sweet, is it new and fresh,” the old man asked.

I said, “Well, kind of. We’ve been together for six months, but I can tell that she’s the one that I’m gonna marry. I’m actually planning on proposing to her soon. I just don’t want to wait any longer with her, and I’m ready to commit to her. I love her with all my heart. Also, she’s kind of my weed partner in crime.”

We both laughed, and he said, “Aww, so that’s why you don’t wanna smoke with me. Do you have any pictures of her?”

I replied, “Yeah, I have lots of pictures of her and us together, but I don’t have my phone with me. Otherwise, I would show you all the pictures.”

We ended up talking a little more with each other, but he eventually had to leave. I was relieved, and I ended up rushing back to my family. I told my mom what happened, and she was happy to know that I was safe and away from the old man.

This is the end of “The Old Man at the Beach.”

On Thursday, I will be posting and sharing the short story “The Girl with the Pills.”