Shawna-Mama

For years, you have been such a blessing to me.

I’m so thankful and blessed to have you in my heart for so long.

I’ll always love your random hugs and kisses you give me.

They’re just right, and they’re the most natural.

They just mean so much to me.

They uplift me, and they let me know that I am good enough for you.

 

Sometimes it’s easy to talk to you, while other times are a struggle.

It just depends on the topic.

We argue and fight like crazy, but we also laugh and talk like crazy.

There are days that I don’t understand you, but there are days that we are in sync.

We have our good and bad days, but I know we have better days ahead of us.

We can be inconsistent, but our love for each other will always be consistent.

 

I want to protect you from this world.

I don’t want it to burn out the bright light you have in your heart.

I pray that you’re strong enough to fight this world.

I pray that you find happiness.

I pray that you discover success in the most unimaginable places.

I pray that you accomplish all your goals in life.

I pray that we will always be close.

 

You’re gonna be so amazing in this world.

There’s no reason for me to worry about you at all.

It’s been such an honor being your big brother.

You taught me so much as a big brother, and I don’t know how to repay you.

I can probably repay you with some Flamin’ Hot Fries.

There’s so much time that we have together, and I’m excited for our journey together.

You’re my sister that I’ll always hold onto.

I love you so much, Shawna-Mama.

 

This is the end of the poem “Shawna-Mama.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this poem dedicated to my little sister Shawna. I love you so much Shawna-mama and hope you have a great birthday Oct. 1. It’s been such an amazing experience being your big brother, and I can’t wait to see where life takes as you’re getting older.

This week, I will be posting and sharing two short stories. On Tuesday, I will be sharing and posting the short story “Another Petty-ish Moment.” On Thursday, I will be sharing and posting the short story “Preferences: Part Two.”

Next week, I will finally be posting and sharing the six-part horror story “The White Mask” in the Dark Colors series.

 

 

 

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Lost and Forgotten

I wish that I could be better.

I pray every day to be better.

I wonder what’s taking God so long.

Why doesn’t He want to help me right now?

Why does He have to be so quiet, while everything around me is so loud and clear?

 

I guess it takes patience and time with God.

Also, what am I expecting Him to do?

To just magically make my troubles go away?

I don’t think it works like that.

I wish more than anything that it did though.

It would be so much easier for me.

 

God, I’m sorry that I’m struggling right now.

God, I’m sorry that I can’t lift the weight off my shoulders.

God, I’m sorry that I can only do so much.

God, I’m sorry that my spirit is weak.

God, I’m sorry for who I am right now.

 

How could be going through this right now?

Now’s not a good time.

I’m broken, and I’m in desperate need of healing.

 

I can’t let people help me, especially those close to me.

They can’t see this side of me.

It’s shameful and disgusting.

I’m supposed to be this perfect image for them.

I have to be, otherwise who am I?

I’ll just hide the pain, the struggling and the hurt I’m feeling.

I’ll just pretend I’m fine because it’s the best thing to do for everyone.

I have to think about others, before I think about myself.

 

I want to be better, but I don’t think it’s possible.

I think I got a long, grueling road ahead of me.

Can I make it to the end of it?

I don’t know.

I hope I can, but I don’t think that’s enough.

Will God help me a little more?

I don’t know.

It just feels like I’m lost and forgotten.

 

This is the end of the poem “Lost and Forgotten.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this poem.

This weekend, I will be sharing and posting poetry dedicated to my little sister Shawna in honor of her birthday October 1.

 

 

 

 

Please, Help Me Believe

It’s getting harder and harder to hold on to you.

I’m sorry that I’m complaining.

I’m sorry that I’m not strong enough to still hold on to you.

The weight is too much for me.

I know I have to find a way, but I can’t.

Help me, please.

 

You’re precious to me, but you require so much from me.

I have to believe in you, even when there’s no reason to.

I have to believe in you when others tell me not to.

I have to believe in you like I believe in God.

Please, help me believe in you.

 

Please, let me breathe.

I know you’re meant to help me breathe, but I’m suffocating with you in my life.

I swear if the world wasn’t always hurting me, you wouldn’t mean anything to me.

I hate that I need you so much.

 

You’re such a dangerous thing.

You make me go mad.

It’s a shame that I can’t rely on reason and logic.

You’re the only way to salvation

 

I remember someone once said you’re a good thing.

Maybe even the best thing.

But it’s just so hard to see that now.

I don’t know who you are anymore, and I can’t see the good in you.

Please, help me.

 

I long to see your beauty again.

I want to embrace you and hold you tight.

But, I’m barely holding on to you right now.

I’m so close to falling to my death.

My grip to you is slowly slipping.

I’m trying to hold on to you for dear life.

I’m trying to find the strength to pull myself up to you, but I’m stuck in the same place.

There’s just no way out of it.

 

Please, just show me the way.

Please, just give me a reason to trust in you.

Why are you just holding my hand?

Please, pull me up before I descend into madness.

Why can’t you do that?

Why do I have to do all the work?

 

I guess it really is all on me.

I mean, you are helping me stay alive.

Maybe you’re trying to help me up, but you just can’t.

Maybe the gravity or weight of the world is strong like you.

Maybe they’re not as strong as you, but strong enough to keep me in the same place.

 

I guess it doesn’t help that I’m doing nothing but hanging in there.

I guess I can’t blame you because you’re keeping me alive.

I thank you for that.

I do need you in my life, and you’re true to me and many others in the world.

Please, help me believe in you.

 

 

Zaiah Bear

I can’t help but smile when I’m with you.

It’s just something that I can’t avoid.

You just know how to make me smile and show off my dimples.

You tell the funniest, corniest jokes ever, and I can’t help but laugh at them.

How did you have such an effect on me?

I guess it has something to do with you being in my life for so long.

 

You were always committed to me.

You were always giving me joy, laughter and love.

My memories of you are pure, and they can never be tainted.

They will last a lifetime.

 

Thank you for never making excuses.

Thank you for never disappointing me.

Thank you for never hurting me.

Thank you for always being by my side.

 

I honestly don’t know what my life would be like without you.

Like my mom and grandpa, you’ve always been a fire for me.

You’ve kept me warm and comforted for years.

I’m thankful and blessed to have a strong relationship with you.

God truly knew what He was doing when He put you in my life.

Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.

You’ll always hold a special place in my heart.

Zaiah Bear loves you so much, grandma.

 

This is the end of the poem “Zaiah Bear.”

 

 

 

I’ll Never Know

I found myself thinking about you today.

It’s hard to remember the good days that we had together.

Sadly, I can only  remember our bad days.

I guess disappointment is stronger than happiness.

I want to remember the joy you gave me, I truly do.

However, I’m distracted by the pain you’re inflicting on me.

When will it end?

 

I wish we had more good days together.

I wish that you knew that it’s not too late to make a change.

I wish that we could have a life together.

Sadly, it’s not possible because you don’t believe nothing’s wrong with you.

You believe that you’re perfect just the way you are.

It’s the world that’s the problem, right?

It’s the world that caused you to never learn.

It’s the world that caused you to make the mistakes that you made.

It’s the world that caused you to be who you are.

How can you change when the world is against you?

 

When I was young, I thought you were the best thing in my life.

I was so proud and unashamed to have you in my life.

I didn’t care what others said about you.

I only cared about what you thought about yourself.

You sold yourself well to me like a used cars salesman.

You told me what I wanted to hear.

You showed me what I wanted to see.

However, you didn’t give me what I needed.

Why couldn’t you be honest with me?

Why did I have to find out the truth about you the hard way?

 

I tried to keep my faith strong in you, but it was a struggle.

I was constantly disappointed by the lies you masked as truth.

Years and years passed, and I could no longer see you anymore.

I saw only a stranger that so many people knew.

Why did it take me so long to see your true colors?

Why didn’t I see it sooner?

How could you not be who I wanted you to be?

 

It hurts that I have to distance myself from you, but it’s a necessity.

You bring out the worst in me, don’t you see?

No, you’ll never see that.

You’ll only see what you want to see.

You’ll only believe that you’re the best thing for me right now.

I’m doing so great without you, can’t you be happy for me?

Or do you need all the praise, honor and glory for your own selfish desires?

Why can’t you see what others and I see in you so clearly?

I fear I’ll never know.

 

This is the end of the poem “I’ll Never Know.”

In honor of my Grandma Mollie’s birthday this week August 21, all writings this week will be dedicated to her. On Tuesday, I will be posting “Movies with Grandma.” On Thursday, I will be posting “Getting Too Greedy.” Then, I will be posting two poems about my awesome, loving grandma on Saturday and Sunday.

 

 

 

 

 

Wake Up

There’s no one to blame but myself.

I can’t make anymore excuses anymore.

I have to own up to the person I’ve become.

I’ve become someone that I’m not.

I’ve become someone that I’ve always dreaded.

I’ve become someone that I’m not proud of.

 

I lost my way.

I long for a cure, but my disease is worse than cancer.

I fear that there is no cure.

I fear that nothing can save me.

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

I don’t even recognize him anymore.

 

I can’t stand who I see in the mirror.

He doesn’t represent who I am.

I’m capable of being so much more than him.

How did I become him?

 

I guess it started with the attraction of relaxation.

However, it quickly turned into an addiction to laziness.

Why couldn’t I fight its allure?

Why was it so intoxicating to me?

I guess I was tired of the same old, same old and wanted something new.

I guess I wanted something good for the moment.

I guess I was tired of something lasting and filling.

 

I want God to bless me out of my struggle, but I don’t think I’m deserving of a blessing.

I don’t know what I’ve done lately to earn a blessing.

I’ve just been in my own little world.

He’s just not in it.

I mean, He visits me every now and then, but I don’t let Him stay with me too long.

He’s not a permanent resident in my cheap apartment.

 

I miss being with Him.

I thought I could be on my own, but I need Him.

I need His house, His love, His protection, His care.

I need it now more than ever.

God, I’m sorry that I’m haven’t been the person you destined me to be.

I pray that it’s not too late to make that change.

I pray that I can earn the blessing or blessings that you have in my life.

Please, tell me that you still love me.

Please, tell me that I’m still worthy.

 

I’m lost in my own world.

I’m comfortable sleeping my life away.

I want to wake up, but I’m too tired and not willing to wake up.

Please, can someone tell me the time of dreaming is over?

Please, can someone tell me the time of sleeping is over?

Please, can someone tell me the time of laziness is over?

Please, can someone tell me the time of waiting for an answer is over?

Please, can someone tell me that it’s time to wake up?

 

This is the end of the poem “Wake Up.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this poem.

On Tuesday, I will be sharing the short story “Checking Out A Scared, Black Woman” on the Warfield Zone.

 

 

 

My Worst Nightmare

Why do the days have to be so long with you?

Are you ever gonna give me a break?

Are we ever gonna stop fighting with each other?

Are you ever gonna let me open myself up to others?

Are you always gonna force me into isolation?

Please, I have to know.

 

I’m trying so hard to make things work with you, but it’s impossible.

You have to have your way because of who you are.

I just want to be happy for once.

Why can’t you let me experience that?

I heard happiness was a special feeling, but I wouldn’t know thanks to you.

Happiness is only a flower that I can never hold.

I can only see its beauty planted from a distance.

 

I pray to God every day to get rid of you, but you’re still here.

I read the Bible every day to find ways to fight you, but you’re still here.

What more can I do?

How come God and the Bible ain’t enough to fight you?

What more do I need for deliverance from you?

 

I think about asking others for help, but I’m hesitant.

I don’t want people knowing about you.

I don’t want people associating you with me.

I don’t want people questioning how you’re with me in the first place.

I don’t want people looking at me differently.

I don’t want people discovering how weak I am because of you

I don’t want people learning who I am because of you.

 

You hold all the power over me.

I fear that you’ll get the best of me.

I’m tired of fighting, and I just want to let you win.

Because you are my worst nightmare.

 

This is the end of the poem “My Worst Nightmare.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this poem.

This week, I will be posting two short stories. On Tuesday, I will be posting and sharing the short story “Preferences.” On Thursday, I will be posting and sharing the short story “A Terrible Wingman.”