Please Forgive Me
I’m glad that you’re back in my life again.
I’ve missed you so much.
I hated that there was a division between us.
I hated the wall between us.
I longed for your warm touch.
Ironically, it wasn’t that big of a wall.
It was a little wall that was easy to step over.
It’s crazy that I didn’t have to jump over it.
I just had to will myself to the wall.
Sadly, that was easier said than done.
There was something in me that never existed before.
It was doubt about you.
I had doubt about us.
I didn’t know if we could be together.
I thought that maybe it was a mistake to have you in my life.
I thought that I didn’t deserve someone like you.
I thought that I wasn’t worthy of you.
I thought that we couldn’t go the distance.
I’m glad that we have each other again.
I’m glad that I could finally will myself over that small wall between us.
Thank you for your patience and kindness with me.
I promise to always keep you close to my heart.
Life may have gotten crazy, but it was no excuse to push you away from me.
You’re a part of who I am, and I love who I am when I’m with you.
I’ll hold on to you as long as I can.
Please forgive me for abandoning you.
Please forgive me.
For years, you have been such a blessing to me.
I’m so thankful and blessed to have you in my heart for so long.
I’ll always love your random hugs and kisses you give me.
They’re just right, and they’re the most natural.
They just mean so much to me.
They uplift me, and they let me know that I am good enough for you.
Sometimes it’s easy to talk to you, while other times are a struggle.
It just depends on the topic.
We argue and fight like crazy, but we also laugh and talk like crazy.
There are days that I don’t understand you, but there are days that we are in sync.
We have our good and bad days, but I know we have better days ahead of us.
We can be inconsistent, but our love for each other will always be consistent.
I want to protect you from this world.
I don’t want it to burn out the bright light you have in your heart.
I pray that you’re strong enough to fight this world.
I pray that you find happiness.
I pray that you discover success in the most unimaginable places.
I pray that you accomplish all your goals in life.
I pray that we will always be close.
You’re gonna be so amazing in this world.
There’s no reason for me to worry about you at all.
It’s been such an honor being your big brother.
You taught me so much as a big brother, and I don’t know how to repay you.
I can probably repay you with some Flamin’ Hot Fries.
There’s so much time that we have together, and I’m excited for our journey together.
You’re my sister that I’ll always hold onto.
I love you so much, Shawna-Mama.
This is the end of the poem “Shawna-Mama.”
Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this poem dedicated to my little sister Shawna. I love you so much Shawna-mama and hope you have a great birthday Oct. 1. It’s been such an amazing experience being your big brother, and I can’t wait to see where life takes as you’re getting older.
This week, I will be posting and sharing two short stories. On Tuesday, I will be sharing and posting the short story “Another Petty-ish Moment.” On Thursday, I will be sharing and posting the short story “Preferences: Part Two.”
Next week, I will finally be posting and sharing the six-part horror story “The White Mask” in the Dark Colors series.
Please, Help Me Believe
It’s getting harder and harder to hold on to you.
I’m sorry that I’m complaining.
I’m sorry that I’m not strong enough to still hold on to you.
The weight is too much for me.
I know I have to find a way, but I can’t.
Help me, please.
You’re precious to me, but you require so much from me.
I have to believe in you, even when there’s no reason to.
I have to believe in you when others tell me not to.
I have to believe in you like I believe in God.
Please, help me believe in you.
Please, let me breathe.
I know you’re meant to help me breathe, but I’m suffocating with you in my life.
I swear if the world wasn’t always hurting me, you wouldn’t mean anything to me.
I hate that I need you so much.
You’re such a dangerous thing.
You make me go mad.
It’s a shame that I can’t rely on reason and logic.
You’re the only way to salvation
I remember someone once said you’re a good thing.
Maybe even the best thing.
But it’s just so hard to see that now.
I don’t know who you are anymore, and I can’t see the good in you.
Please, help me.
I long to see your beauty again.
I want to embrace you and hold you tight.
But, I’m barely holding on to you right now.
I’m so close to falling to my death.
My grip to you is slowly slipping.
I’m trying to hold on to you for dear life.
I’m trying to find the strength to pull myself up to you, but I’m stuck in the same place.
There’s just no way out of it.
Please, just show me the way.
Please, just give me a reason to trust in you.
Why are you just holding my hand?
Please, pull me up before I descend into madness.
Why can’t you do that?
Why do I have to do all the work?
I guess it really is all on me.
I mean, you are helping me stay alive.
Maybe you’re trying to help me up, but you just can’t.
Maybe it’s the gravity or weight of the world is strong like you.
Maybe they’re not as strong as you, but strong enough to keep me in the same place.
I guess it doesn’t help that I’m doing nothing but hanging in there.
I guess I can’t blame you because you’re keeping me alive.
I thank you for that.
I do need you in my life, and you’re true to me and many others in the world.
Please, help me believe in you.
I can’t help but smile when I’m with you.
It’s just something that I can’t avoid.
You just know how to make me smile and show off my dimples.
You tell the funniest, corniest jokes ever, and I can’t help but laugh at them.
How did you have such an effect on me?
I guess it has something to do with you being in my life for so long.
You were always committed to me.
You were always giving me joy, laughter and love.
My memories of you are pure, and they can never be tainted.
They will last a lifetime.
Thank you for never making excuses.
Thank you for never disappointing me.
Thank you for never hurting me.
Thank you for always being by my side.
I honestly don’t know what my life would be like without you.
Like my mom and grandpa, you’ve always been a fire for me.
You’ve kept me warm and comforted for years.
I’m thankful and blessed to have a strong relationship with you.
God truly knew what He was doing when He put you in my life.
Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.
You’ll always hold a special place in my heart.
Zaiah Bear loves you so much, grandma.
This is the end of the poem “Zaiah Bear.”
Why does life have to be so hard?
I’ve relied on you for years to help me through the struggle, but you’ve gotten weaker.
You’re not as strong as you used to be.
Can you tell me what I have to do with our without you?
I long to keep you by my side, but I’m worried you’re slipping away from me.
I’ve failed so much that I’ve forgotten what success was like with you.
You’re like a distant relative now, but you’re supposed to be my best friend.
I’m ashamed that I’ve allowed others to take your place.
These others want to hurt, kill and destroy me.
These others want me to cater to my lustful needs and desires.
These others don’t want me to reach my destination.
These others don’t want me to see that I have a purpose.
These others don’t want me to see you in my life.
I need to make you essential in my life because I can’t do it without you.
You’re the one that makes me who I am.
I can’t blame you for being weak when I’m the reason you’re weak now.
I should’ve catered to you constantly.
Instead, I treated you like a withered house plant.
I ignored you and didn’t you give you the necessary care to blossom.
I want you and no one else.
I realize now that if I don’t have you, I can’t have nobody.
You help me see the good and beauty of this world.
Without you, I only see the wickedness and the hopelessness that exists in this world.
Please, come back into my life.
Please, help me believe again.
Please, help me forgive myself for losing you.
Please, I need you.
You’re always going to be in my heart.
I promise that I’m gonna make you stronger again.
I promise we’re gonna be a team again.
I promise I’ll love you again.
I promise that you’ll be my strength again.
This is the end of the poem “I Promise.”
What do you think this poem is about? Let me know in the comments what you think the poem “I Promise” is about and any other thoughts you may have. Also, if you’re following “The Green Mask” story in the Dark Colors series on my blog, this poem is connected with that short story. I will be posting part three and four of “The Green Mask” this week on Tuesday and Thursday.
I can’t believe how close we are, despite being miles away from each other.
I wish were closer in proximity.
However, it wasn’t meant to be.
Sometimes I worry that I’m not doing enough, but you assure me that I’m fine.
You assure me that you love me and appreciate the best I can give you.
I only wish that everyone can give you their best.
However, it doesn’t matter to you.
You continue to allow your confidence to fly and wake up in the sky.
I can’t describe how proud I am of you.
How are you so awesome?
How are you so cool?
How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?
I’m thankful that you look up to.
I hope and pray that I won’t let you down.
I know that we’re going to have a bright future together as brothers.
I love you, Khalil.
This is the end of the poem “Khalil.”
On Tuesday, I will be posting part one of a four-part story titled “The Green Mask” on the Dark Colors series. Then, I will be posting part two on Thursday.
Chasing After You
I can see you clearly now.
I want you now more than ever.
I have to be clever and never lose you.
I have to keep you close to my heart, so that we can never be apart again.
Sadly, that’s all my fault.
You did nothing wrong with me.
In fact, you were always by my side, when I did nothing but neglect you.
How could I treat you so bad?
How could I not see your beauty needed my undivided attention?
How did we end up having an on-and-off relationship?
I was lost in this world at a very young age.
I was intoxicated by my own selfish desires, and I couldn’t see you anymore.
You were lost to me in the wilderness I created in my life
I apologize for losing you over the years.
You deserved commitment from me, and I wasn’t giving that to you.
I was distracted by other things, but now I realize you are what I want.
You are what I must have in my life.
If I don’t have you, then what do I have?
I have to ask, how can you be so forgiving?
Why have always been by my side?
Honestly, I now know that we’re destined to be together.
God put you in my life for a reason.
God knew that you were gonna bring out the best version of me.
God knew that you were gonna always believe in me.
God knew that you were gonna be patient with me.
God knew that we had something special that couldn’t compare.
Thank you for not giving up on me.
Thank you for being with me since the day I was born.
I see you now more than ever.
You are what I want in my life.
I am chasing after you.
This is the end of the poem “Chasing After You.”
This week, I will be posting part one of a four-part story titled “The Girl I Never Want to See Again.” Then, I will be posting part two on Thursday.
By My Side
I remember when I was scared and didn’t know what I was doing.
I was losing at life and ready to throw in the towel.
I thought to myself that life was too strong of an opponent.
It was faster and stronger than me.
It’s punches were heavy and brutal.
It was like Muhammad Ali.
Floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee.
I couldn’t see my life with my own eyes and couldn’t get control it.
Instead, I just gave up fighting.
What was the point if I didn’t have the skills and necessary resources to beat life?
So, I let life beat me down to a bloody pulp.
Then, my dad came along.
He saw the hurt that I was going through and pushed me to get up.
He couldn’t bear seeing me lose at life.
My dad knew that I was meant to conquer my life.
My dad knew that I was meant to be a fighter, and he wouldn’t let me lie down in defeat.
Instead, he got me on my feet and trained me.
He trained me to fight life as man, not as a boy.
He trained me to be a planner instead of a procrastinator.
He trained me to believe in myself.
He trained me to strengthen my faith in God.
For He is a powerful ally to have to fight life and all it’s allies.
He fueled me with the necessary knowledge and resources to fight life.
My dad truly trained me well.
It’s a constant fight with life, but I’m hanging in there.
Life comes with many surprises and twists, and it sometimes knocks me out.
However, I quickly get back up and continue the fight.
I’m winning more rounds, and it’s thanks to my dad.
He wouldn’t let me give up on myself because he knew that I could beat life.
He knew that I could flourish in life.
He believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself.
I love you so much dad and thank you for always being by my side.
This is the end of the poem “By My Side.”
Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this poem dedicated to my dad. I love you so much Shawn McNeil and thank you for being the best dad that I needed in my life. You’ve helped me reach unimaginable heights in life, and I’m so thankful and blessed to call you my dad.
This week, I’ will be sharing a two-part story this week called “Checking Out a Soon-to-be-Mom.” On Tuesday, I will be posting part one.
My Greatest Teacher
It’s hard to imagine who I’d be without you.
You’ve given me so much, and I can never repay you.
You taught me the beauty of love.
You taught me the significance of faith.
You taught me the importance of family.
You taught me the strength of integrity.
You taught me the power of honor.
You taught me the truth of manhood.
How could I ever repay you?
You taught me good things that some men are never taught.
You helped me learn good things that some men can never learn.
You showed me how a man treats a woman.
It’s with love, honor, respect and care.
It’s with work, strength, kindness and patience.
Sadly, some men treat women differently than how you showed me.
Thank you for making sure that I wasn’t like some men in this world.
Thank you for teaching me how to be a true man.
Thank you for helping me believe in myself as a man.
For a minute, I thought my past would stop me.
It’s always mocking me in the present and never seeming to go away.
However, you assure me that my past will not be my future.
You tell me that my past will be my light.
For it will illuminate my mistakes and tragedies.
However, it will show how far I’ve come.
I’m stronger, wiser, healthier and better because of my past.
I need my past to be who I am today and in the future.
Thank you for teaching me my past is my cure to the future.
You’ve been with me most of my life, and you’ve always had my back.
I’ll always cherish everything you taught me.
I’ll use your teachings and become the man you see me becoming.
I’ll be a man of God.
I’ll be a great husband and a great father to my children.
And I’ll pass down your teachings from generation to generation.
I love you so much dad.
Thank you for being my greatest teacher.
Better Than Somebody That I Used to Know
I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.
I can clearly see your love to me is real.
Sorry if you don’t know that.
You know that opening up is a struggle for me, but you don’t care.
You push me to the point of anger to open up because you only want the best for me.
More than somebody I used to know.
I can’t help but thank you for that.
I don’t know where I would be without you.
I would probably be another statistic or even an alcoholic like somebody I used to know.
I probably wouldn’t even have God or love in my heart.
Somebody I used to know would create something different in my heart.
It would be empty filled with darkness, hatred and excuses.
It’s scary to imagine, but you wouldn’t allow such an atrocity to happen to me.
You made sure to ignite a light inside me that has grown into a fire.
A fire that would see no darkness, see no hatred or see no excuses.
For that, I thank you.
You’ve always been by my side.
Somebody I used to know would hide from me.
You’ve always been my motivation.
Somebody I used to know was my aggravation..
You’ve always been my role model.
Somebody I used to know was my false idol.
Even though you haven’t been with me all my life, I love you with all my heart.
You have supported me in ways I could never imagine.
Your strength, honor and integrity is like no other.
My love to you is unconditional.
My love to somebody I used to know is conditional.
Thank you for being so much better than somebody I used to know.
This is the end of the poem “Better Than Somebody I Used to Know” in the Poetry series.
Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this poem.
In honor of Father’s Day and my dad’s birthday coming up next week, all writings this week will be dedicated to my dad Shawn McNeil! On Tuesday, I will be posting the short story “Horror Movies With My Dad.” On Thursday, I will be posting the short story “Never Missing a Thing.” Then, I will be posting two poems about my dad on Saturday and Sunday!
I’m so thankful and proud to have you in my life.
I can’t imagine who I’d be without you.
Would I be lost, but eventually found?
Would I be insecure about who I am?
Would I be considered a hypocrite, if I didn’t have you in my life?
I’m not sure, I must admit.
I must admit that I thought about losing you.
I have thought about a life without you.
A life that can be care-free, simple and easy.
I’ve had opportunities to get rid of you as temptation constantly lurks in my life.
I remember times that I’ve almost submitted to temptation, but you stopped me.
I guess that’s one of the perks of having you in my life.
You’re always looking out for me, even when I don’t want you to.
I sometimes think the worst of you.
I sometimes think you’re a curse that I’ll never be free from.
I apologize to you for thinking such thoughts.
You’re a tree blessing in my life, and I need to appreciate you more.
I can’t allow the world to depreciate your value.
I thank God for you every day.
I pray that God continues to keep you in my life till we have to say goodbye to each other.
That day will come when I meet the right girl.
She’ll respect you and never try to push you away.
She’ll encourage you to be in my life daily.
She’ll want you in my life.
She’ll see that you mean the world to me.
She’ll see that you’re the best part of my life.
If she can’t see how much you mean to me, then I can’t see how much she means to me.
If she can’t accept you, then I can’t accept her.
If she can’t see your beauty, then I can’t see her beauty.
If she can’t believe in you, then I can’t believe in her.
If she can’t love you, then I can’t love her.
Again, I’m sorry that my love for you has been conditional.
From now on, I want to give you the love that you deserve.
A love that I have for my friends.
A love that I have for my brothers and sisters.
A love that I have for my parents.
A love that I have for myself.
A love that I have for God.
A love that is unconditional.
I promise to be better to you.
I promise to hold on to you till we have to say goodbye to each other one day.
It’ll be a happy and scary day, but it must happen.
I’ll miss you, but I’ll never forget about you.
You’ve taught me the value and importance of patience.
You’ve taught me the strength and significance of faith.
You’ve taught me the true meaning of love.
You’ve taught me all these things and more.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you for the purity.
This is the end of the poem “Purity.”
Be sure to like, share or comment your thoughts on this poem.
Next week, I will be sharing two short stories. On Tuesday, I will be sharing “You Smell Like Apples.” On Thursday, I will be sharing “My Dark Side.”
My Other Fire
I often find myself thinking about you on random days.
In fact, I was just thinking about you today on me and my mom’s birthday.
I miss you a lot and wish that I could hear your voice again.
It was so distinct and beautiful.
I remember the laughs and smiles that we shared together.
I remember listening with ease to music that would move my soul with you.
Now, I struggle to listen to our music on my own.
It’s just not the same without you.
It just brings me nothing but heartache.
It’s hard living without you.
You were a constant fire in my life that I’m missing so much.
Can God bring you back to life?
It would mean so much to me.
No, I shouldn’t wish and pray for such a thing.
I always saw you as a good and faithful servant.
You were always living proof of the power of faith.
You deserve to be rewarded and favored by God.
You deserve to be in Heaven.
I want to talk to you about my mom.
I know that you would be proud of her.
She has helped me grow in ways that I could never imagine.
Since the beginning of my life, she has shown me unconditional love.
She made sure that I wouldn’t end up being another statistic.
Her unselfishness and kindness rubbed off on me.
She’s helped me with my struggles and helped me to my successes.
I can’t imagine the person I would be right now without her.
God truly blessed me with an angel.
You know I love my mom so much.
You know words can’t describe all that she’s done for me.
You know she’s been my rock my whole life.
You know she’s responsible for making me the person that I am today.
You know that she has my back.
You know all these things and more.
I love you so much.
It seems like we didn’t have enough time together.
I wish that I could turn back the clock and be with you.
But I want you to know that I’m good.
I’m stronger and wiser than ever before.
All thanks go to God for providing and blessing me with my mom.
My other fire.
A Mother’s Touch
I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me.
You’ve helped me in ways that I could never imagine.
You inspired me to chase after my aspirations and to let go of my distractions.
You helped my imagination meet reality in this world.
I can’t imagine my life without you.
You’ve been with me my whole life and never left my side.
Thank you for that.
Thank you for making sure that I was well-nourished and well-rested.
Thank you for loving me when you weren’t expecting me.
Thank you for seeing me as a gift, instead of an accident.
Thank you for seeing me as a blessing, instead of a burden.
Thank you for the hugs and kisses.
Thank you for the smiles and laughs.
Thank you for making sure that I didn’t end up being a statistic.
Thank you for making sure that I didn’t end up being an addict.
Thank you for having God in my life.
Thank you for showing me the true meaning of love.
Thank you for everything and so much more.
I thank God that I have you in my life.
God truly knew what he was doing for the both of us.
He knew that you were going to be one of the best things in my life.
I love you with all my heart, mom.
Thank you for having a mother’s touch.
I Will Always Remember Your Name
You had such a beautiful name.
I can’t help but think about it.
I can’t help but wonder who you were meant to be in this world.
Were you meant to blossom like a rose?
Or were you meant to wither away in this world?
I don’t know.
You were stripped the opportunity to find out for yourself like our ancestors in Africa.
They were subjected to slavery in America.
What they could’ve been, just like what you could’ve been.
What were you thinking?
Why did you run away from the cop?
Who did you think you were?
Why couldn’t you just be Toby for the cop?
Why did you make that fatal mistake?
Then, I remember that you were a scared, 17 year old black kid.
You weren’t thinking.
You were just afraid and didn’t want to face the consequences.
You should have been apprehended appropriately like an armed mass shooter.
Instead, you were shot and killed like an unarmed slave running from his master.
I used to think that Pittsburgh was stronger than hate, until I read and heard comments about you.
I couldn’t believe the hate you received and the love the cop received.
There was no regard for you or your family.
There was only support for the cop that shot you like a beloved member of the KKK.
I must say.
They have the Reconstruction mentality.
They have that lynch mentality.
They have that Jim Crow mentality.
That have that sit-in-the-back-of-the-bus mentality.
For them, if you don’t follow their rules, then you deserve the hose.
You deserve the persecution.
You deserve the abuse.
Antwon Rose, you didn’t follow the cop’s rules, so your death is on you.
It’s sadly not on the cop because for others he did everything right.
He shot you because he had no other choice.
You were just too dangerous as an unarmed black kid.
He protected life and served properly as a cop.
He was true to his job as a cop.
He’s a blue, and his life matters more to us than your life, Antwon Rose.
This is the sad, sick and twisted mindset people have about you, Antwon Rose.
I wish that it could be different.
I have a dream that you were apprehended appropriately.
I have a dream that you were not at the wrong place at the wrong time.
I have a dream that more people would mourn your death.
I have a dream that your life mattered to everyone.
I have a dream that there was unity in Pittsburgh.
I have a dream that Pittsburgh was stronger than hate.
I have a dream that the cop faced justice for his fatal mistake.
I have a dream that you were still alive.
Antwon Rose, I wish I could be hopeful about my dreams.
Sadly, my dreams are meant to be only dreams and never a reality.
I read your poem, and I must say that you had potential.
You were meant to be something special.
Why did you have to get shot and killed like Tamir Rice and Trayvon Martin?
I wish I knew.
I’m sorry that you ended up being a statistic.
It’s just not fair.
I think about my little brother Isaac.
He’s 17, the same age as you were.
He has so much potential just like you did.
I can’t imagine if his life ended just like yours did.
It would destroy me.
I can’t imagine what your family is going through.
I hope they have the strength to move forward.
I pray they do.
I pray that you’re in a better place.
I pray that I can be hopeful for better days.
I pray for your family.
I pray that love will outweigh hate someday in America.
I pray all these things and more, Antwon Rose.
May you rest in peace, Antwon Rose.
I will always remember your name.
See You Soon
I think about you almost every day and long to be with you.
Why do we have to be so far away from each other?
Or maybe we’re closer than I think, and it’s a matter of perception.
It’s like you’re a dream within a dream like the movie Inception.
How long will you be on my mind?
How long will you be only a dream?
Can you please be my reality?
I pray to God every day, and I almost always mention you to Him.
I pray that God protects you from the evils of this world.
I pray that God loves you in ways that I never could.
I pray that God keeps you strong at your best and worst times.
I pray that God shows you that your true beauty lies within yourself.
I pray that God helps you grow into the person that you’re meant to be.
I pray these things and more to God
I wonder when we’ll cross paths or maybe meet again.
God tells me to have patience for our time will come eventually.
But there are times that I don’t know how I feel about that.
I wonder if I should chase after you like a mad man chasing after his sanity.
I mean, we have to go mad sometimes, right?
Maybe I need to be looking so crazy in love for you to find you.
Maybe I need to be searching so hard for you that I’ll eventually find you.
No, I can’t do that.
I can’t have an obsession over you because that’ll lead to depression.
It could also lead to some therapy sessions.
For now, I’m trusting in God and chasing after Him.
It’s the most important relationship in my life.
The second most important relationship in my life is with myself.
I have to learn to love myself before I can ever love you.
I know you haven’t yet, but I want to thank you for loving me.
Thank you for loving me in ways no one else could.
Thank you for standing in the rain with me no matter how wet you got.
Thank you for never abandoning me.
Thank you for always holding me when I had a nightmare.
Thank you for your strength when I was at my weakest.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Are you somebody that I know?
Or are you somebody that I’ll get to know?
I don’t know.
But what I do know is I’m excited for you and can’t wait to meet you.
I love you so much and cannot wait to start a life with you.
See you soon.
You Will Never Know
I can’t help but miss you.
I don’t know what I did or didn’t do wrong.
All I know is I long for us to be close again.
But nothing remains between us.
We put on a front by showing each other fake love in front of others.
But we know the truth.
We know that our love has run dried.
What did I do to hurt you?
Can I make things better between us?
Or has the damage already been done?
I remember the first time I saw you, and you gave me the purest smile ever.
I simply gave you my prettiest smile ever.
Was that fair to you?
I don’t know.
You seemed so sure about me.
You showed no fear, but I didn’t know.
We had just met.
How could you know how you felt about me?
Was it love at first sight?
Or was it something else?
I wish that I could ask you.
We talk and instantly connect.
You make me smile and laugh so much, and I do the same to you.
You tell me everything about you, and I listen with enjoyment.
There’s something precious about you.
I can’t help but be jealous and envious about the pureness of your heart.
Then, I wonder if I’ll corrupt you because the blackness in my heart and my blood.
It runs deep in my veins.
It’s toxic and infectious, and all I can do is worry about you.
Because I know my venom will destroy you.
I just can’t do that to you.
I know that you could be the best thing in my life.
However, I know that I could be the worst thing in your life.
You deserve someone who is flawless like you.
You deserve someone who is kind and pure like you.
You deserve someone who is perfect like you.
You don’t deserve someone like me.
You deserve only the best
I remember how hard it was to resist you the more time we spent together.
I can’t help but give you my purest smiles for your goodness, silliness and preciousness.
You made me happy on my worst days.
I could count on you to make me smile and laugh.
You were perfect in every way.
You always wanted to know more about me, but I was resistive.
I kept everything well-guarded in a prison under 24-hour surveillance.
You didn’t care though.
Instead, you always wanted to find a way in.
You wanted to find a secret passage to me, but there wasn’t one.
I had to be protective.
I had to keep my guard up because I don’t know what will happen if I let you in.
Maybe you would’ve saved me.
Or maybe you would’ve died in the process.
I couldn’t take that chance and risk hurting you.
We ended up drifting apart.
You kept your distance, and I didn’t know why you did this.
You’re still cordial with me, but you wanted nothing to do with me.
We don’t talk anymore like we used to do.
I can’t help but miss you.
Why did you stop being yourself with me?
Why do you only give me your prettiest smiles?
I only did what was best for you.
Anything more would have been futile.
You have to know that, right?
You will never know how sorry I am that I hurt you unintentionally.
You will never know that I wish that I did things differently with you.
You will never know that I was young, foolish and afraid to hurt you.
You’ll never know my personal demons and how they haunt me to this day.
You will never know.
This concludes the end of my poem titled “You Will Never Know.” I will be posting the story and meaning behind this poem tomorrow at noon. Be sure to like and comment your thoughts on this poem.
Life isn’t easy with you in my life
I often find myself lost and alone because of you
I feel like I’m going insane
I’m in so much pain
All that remains is you inside me
Sometimes I feel like I’m a psycho
But I know that I’m exaggerating
I mean, we all go a little mad sometimes, right?
However, I’m mad all the time with you in my life
At night, I can’t sleep or dream
I only think about my nightmares on sleepless nights
And I wonder how long can this go on?
How long can I carry you on my back?
How long can I allow you to break me?
How long can I see you and nothing more?
How long can I feel you creeping up on me?
How long can I hear you echoing in my ears?
How long can I endure you?
I want to change, but I can’t
Because I’m not motivated to do so
It’s too late to make that change
It’s too late to love myself
Or anyone else for that matter
With you in my life, I have no life
I’m just a shell filled with emptiness
Is there a way out?
I doubt it
You are all that stands in my way
What can I say?
All I can do is welcome the darkness
Welcome the silence
Welcome the nothingness
Welcome the ignorance
For you are my shadow
I think about you every day
What can I say?
You give me what I need
But you feed me way too much
And I’m always full of greed and laziness because of you
You’ve made me an addict
I am lost and sick without you
I know that I can’t be dependent on you
But I can’t help it
You give me the high I need that makes me feel like I can fly in the sky
I try to get rid of you
But I fail each and every time I try to
I want you every single day
And I don’t care
I don’t care that you’re slowly killing me
I don’t care that you’re manipulating me
I don’ care that you’re always infecting my mind
Because when I hit rewind, I remember that I started it
I’m the one that desperately wanted you and knew the consequences
I knew what I was doing
And I can’t play the victim card, even if I’m a victim now
I have to find a way out
But I’m still digging a bigger hole that’s close to being bottomless
Is there a way out?
I’m destined to have you in my life
I’m betrothed to you till death do us part
I can’t stand you
I hate you
But I need you now more than ever
I was thinking about you today on this hot Tuesday
The heat and sun reminded me of your warmth and sunshine that you brought me
I reminisce our times together
And it seems like I’ll miss them forever
Why are you out of my life?
Why couldn’t I hold on to you a little longer?
I ask God, but He’s silent
I want to start a riot because I can’t stand God’s silence
But I’m quiet because of you
I know that you wouldn’t appreciate my anger towards God
If anything, it would depreciate you if I went off at God
You were everything to me, when I was nothing
You never gave up on me, even when I gave up on myself
It’s hard to find someone like you in this world
And it’s hard to forget someone like you
I wish I could see you one more time
I wish we could climb the mountains of life together once more
But our time has passed
We can’t have a blast from the past
And hope that we can outlast death itself
I have to understand that you’re gone but not forgotten
You’ll always hold a special place in my heart
No matter how far apart we are
You were my fire
When it comes to you, I’m insecure
I can’t resist your allure
No matter how hard I try
I can’t deny you
You’re a large part of my life
And I hate that
Why do I lust after you?
Why is it so easy to embrace you?
I yearn for you
But I can never seem to learn that you’re slowly killing me softly
Or maybe I’m not willing to do anything about it
Because I enjoy you so much
You give me everything I want
Comfort, satisfaction and relaxation
And I was okay with the intoxication
And losing my fascination in life
Just being lost in translation with you
I forget that I have responsibilities
Because of you
And I neglect them
Until it’s too late
As much as I hate to say it
You’re evil, but you’re also innocent
You never forced me to embrace you
It was my choice
It was my choice to sleep with you
It was my choice to creep with you
It was my choice to abandon my work
And get closer to you
But you were deceitful
You slowly filled with me with your poison
And made me sin
Not so much against God, but against myself
I had lost touch of who I was
And could barely recognize myself because of you
Am I to blame?
Or am I just being framed by you?
I don’t know the answer
But I know that you’re not the answer
If anything, you’re the cancer that slowly builds up inside of me
By the time I notice, it’ll be too little, too late to be talking about change
By then, I’ll be a dead man walking
I need to make a change now
I need to remember who I was before you came along
I need to sing my song, instead of listening to your songs
I need to believe that life without you is a better one
I need so much, but I want so much more
I still want you in my life
I can’t imagine a life without you
You make life easier to deal with
But at the same time, you distract me from what’s real in life
You make me forget my goals, dreams and aspirations
And you instead fill me with regret
And I don’t want that anymore
I want something more out of life
But I know that it can’t include you
You’ll only slow me down
So, I have to say goodbye to you
And hope that I never see you again
I wrote this poem a few days ago because I realized that I was having an unhealthy relationship with laziness. There were times that I could’ve been more productive with my time, but I decided to be lazy. It’s been more than a month since my last post, and I hate that. I was striving to consistently write in my blog, but I found that I was not really caring to write or post. The reason is because of laziness. In my opinion, being lazy causes you to be careless and exasperated at inconvenient times of your life. For me, I used school and work as my excuse for being lazy. I was telling myself that I could relax because I’ve been working extremely hard in school and work, and I deserved to have a little relaxation time. However, too much of something is never good thing. I found that relaxing was a significant part of my day-to-day routine. I was barely able to get any of my writing done, pray to God and other things that I deeply valued in my life. So, I realized that I had to discipline myself and also find a healthy balance. It’s important to find time to relax and to give yourself a break, but you don’t want to be dependent on it. I want certain things in life but none of that will be possible if I’m just being lazy. I have to be willing to put in the extra work and time to have the life that I envisioned for myself. In addition, I can’t make any poor excuses about why things are not progressing in my life. I have to say goodbye to laziness.
You torment me every day
And I submit to you
Without putting up a fight
What can I say?
You are a false light
That makes me lose sight
On the things that are right
You make me blind like Ray Charles
Crazy like Charles Manson
Over girls in mansions
That have no time with romancing
They’re just looking for advances
Why do I want these girls?
Why do I need these girls?
Please, tell me why?
I lie, I know why I want them
You show me their appeal every day
And I keep my lips sealed
And reveal nothing
About how evil and messed up
You truly are
You reveal too much
And I can’t turn away
From the lust that you create in my heart
Instead, I just want more
Like a drug addict
It’s not smart to hold onto you
But millions say that you’re harmless
Regardless, I know you’re heartless
Filled with darkness
And I’m slowly losing myself to you
How can I fight you, when I don’t want to?
You make me feel good
From the beginning to the end
But then I hate myself the next day
What can I say?
I can’t tell anybody about you
I’m too ashamed to
Because I’m the one to blame
I came and enjoyed playing you
Over and over again like a dirty game
I had all the control
But you had all the necessary power
You gave me what I wanted
So are you really the guilty one?
I used you and played you so many times
When there were times I didn’t need to
Now, I’m dependent on you
I can’t think about nothing else, but you
You drive me crazy
Because I hate you, but I want you
Like a kid wants candy
I want you to leave me alone
But you’re always around
You drown me with your presence
And you slowly kill me
I need something to heal me
Before it’s too late
And my fate is sealed
With you in my future
And I can’t have that
I can’t have you in my mind
I can’t have you in my home
I can’t have you near my family
I can’t have you where I work
I can’t have you near my wife
I can’t have you near my children
I can’t have you in my life
Because you’re a monster and a poison
Instead, I need an angel and a cure
I need God in my life
To show me whatsoever things are pure, wholesome, kind and just
Will help me fight you
I refuse to be your prisoner
It’s time for liberation
It’s time to be free
It is time
Let not my will, but God’s will be done
In the name of His son, Jesus Christ
I rebuke you out of my life
I rebuke you to the place of weeping and gnashing of teeth
Because God is on my side
And I hope I never see you again
Till Death Do Us Part
I’m walking towards you
As you’re waiting for me down the aisle
But I don’t want you
You’re nothing but a vile creature
This I’m sure of
I don’t want to meet you at the end of the aisle
I want to go the opposite direction
But I can’t
You have all the control over me
Why can’t I let you go?
You strip me of any possible joy
That I could have in my life
Yet, I continue to hold on to you
Like an incurable infection
I’ll never be rid of you till death do us part
I’m inching closer to you
With no way of escape
You rape me with your presence
Knowing exactly what your appearance is doing to me
Why did I keep you around for so long?
Why did I commit to you?
When I knew that you were wrong for me?
There were days and nights I could’ve walked away
But I knew that I would be lost without you
Because we’ve been together for so long
I know life would be better without you
But it wouldn’t be the same without you
I would yearn for you daily
And never learn to live without you
I hate that I’m committed to you
Till death do us part
I finally make it to you at the altar
As you were patiently waiting for me
You knew that I would come to you eventually
It was only a matter of time
The priest asks if I’m sure about this
He knows that I’m making a mistake
He knows that me and you have that fake love
That everyone, including the congregation, has for you
You’re a cheater
You’re a sinner
You’re an adulterer
You’re evil and lust all wrapped up in one
The priest knows this
And pleads for me to run away from you
But I can’t
I’m committed to you, and you alone
The priest is disappointed in me
And he knows that there’s nothing he can do
He has lost me to you
And you’re happy about this
He allows us to be together
And officially allows us to be married to one another
Till death do us part
I used to worry about my future
Because I was unsure
About what my future would hold
This made me be scared to be bold
It made me withhold
I was scared to do anything
Scared to spread my wings
Cause I didn’t know if I could fly
I don’t know why I thought I couldn’t fly
When I had the Word and the Lord
No, why do I have to lie?
Truthfully, I didn’t know if the Lord was with me
So, how else was I supposed to fly?
When it was possible that I could die?
I couldn’t stand the uncertainty
So, I stayed put
Stayed in the present
And didn’t progress
I did less and became careless
Of planning my future
Instead, I followed the allure of laziness
Man, I was such a mess
I couldn’t pass the test of life
There were days that I wished I had a knife to end my life
I needed motivation
To turn my life around
But there was only procrastination
On my part
So, I was never going to reach my destination
That was just my observation
I needed a change
But it was out of range
To do so
Because I was my own foe
I was stopping myself from flying
Because I feared dying
Sadly, I’m not lying
But then I realized that I was dying
At an alarming rate
Because I was doing nothing
I needed to change before it was too late
And before my fate was sealed
What did I need to do?
Who should I go to?
Where would the answer lie?
When would I find the answer?
Would I find it before I die?
How long could I endure
Not knowing my future?
Man, I just needed a cure
For the longest, I couldn’t find it
I thought I would never find it
Until I was pushed
By the people that I cared about most
I was almost to die
Had they not come to my rescue
It’s funny how a select few can rescue you
And help you turn your life around
This is true
Cause I’m living proof that it is true
I wonder why it’s true
I guess God knows what he’s doing
When he puts people in your life
And it’s only a matter of time
That you want to get out of the lime-light
And fight to get your life together
And get better
No matter the weather
And trust in God
By just listening to him
And that’s what I did
And that’s all it takes
If you want to fix your mistakes
And move on
To bigger and better things
I’m thankful that I have nothing to fear
When I think about the future
Because I’m sure
That my future is bright
If I just continue to follow the light
Just Leave Me Alone
There’s this girl on my mind
That makes me believe that love is blind
Because I love how she’s designed
She’s just so sweet, funny and kind
But I know that I need to leave her behind
Because she’s not right for me
But she cannot see
That we’re not meant to be
She still believes that we’re a possibility
And she does not have the ability
Nor the capability
To realize that we’re not meant to be a reality
In all actuality
She wants me to remember
All my times with her
Were something special
And that we have the potential
Together, to be successful
She just wanted me to give us a chance
And give romance a chance
If we want to advance in a relationship
But I’m not interested in a courtship
I just want a friendship
But she doesn’t care
And it’s not fair
I want to tell her that it’s not fair
But I wouldn’t dare
Because I care
My problem is that I care too much
I still care about her warm touch
But I need to forget
Before there’s only regret
And tragedy like in Hamlet
We’re not meant to last long
We’re just the typical, short, love song
But I’m not wrong
We barely have anything in common
No, the truth is she’s too foreign
I know that sounds rotten
I didn’t mean for it to sound rotten
But it’s the truth
She deeply cares about her culture
That’s far different from mine
Like water is to fine wine
We’re not meant to be long-term
If anything, we’re short-term
I’m just thinking about the future
Something that I’m unsure about
But what I am sure about
Is that she’s not the answer or cure to my life
I wish nothing but the best for her
But we can’t be together
We have to go our separate ways
If we want better days
There’s someone out there for the both of us
It’s a must for us to realize this
She is someone that I will miss
I wish that we could’ve shared a simple kiss
And possibly see if love was on our list
But I already knew that it was too risky
And that a kiss wouldn’t have changed anything
If anything, it would’ve made things worse
I just want her to realize that we’re not meant to be
And for her to just leave me alone
I wrote this poem a year ago, and it’s basically about a girl, let’s call her Lilly, that liked me and wanted something more with me. I don’t talk to her anymore because of something that happened between us, but that’s another story. Anyways, the poem talks about how Lilly was funny, smart and sweet. She was this very exotic, pretty girl from an Asian country. Even though Lilly had all of these great, unique qualities that I loved about her, I still didn’t want to be in a relationship with her. The reason is because we couldn’t connect at all. For me, having a connection with someone is important. How can you love someone that you can’t connect with? Lilly was a great girl, but she wasn’t for me. She was a girl that was deeply immersed with her culture, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I actually admired it. I’ve connected with girls with different backgrounds and cultures because I at least had something in common with them. Something that allowed us to connect. I just didn’t have that feeling or vibe with Lilly. I still wanted to be friends with her, but I never wanted a relationship with her because I knew that it would never work out. Unfortunately, she didn’t see it my way. She still wanted me to give her a chance, and I actually did. We actually went on a date on Christmas but that’s an entirely different story.