Being On Autopilot

I remember it being hard to enjoy life,

There were even times it was moving fast,

And I wasn’t even a part of it.

I was mostly on autopilot,

Just trying to get through hard days.

I wanted to forget those days

And pretend I had little to no control over them.

I refused to find the joy and gladness of those days,

I only wanted misery,

It was a struggle to love life,

It was easy to have a negative perspective on life,

It was easy to blame the world for my problems,

It was easy to hold on to the past,

It was easy to stay in the same place,

It was easy to be on autopilot.

The Ocean Girl: Part Five

I wasn’t prepared for the storm at sea,

I felt lost and completely helpless,

To the tides that were no longer peaceful or tranquil,

They were violent and aggressive,

Chaos was all around me,

And I needed to take action.

I wanted to be there for her in any way I could,

I had to be there for her in that moment,

Before I could say anything,

She moved away from me,

Wiped away her tears,

And thanked me for walking back with her.

She tried to say goodbye to me,

But I wouldn’t let her.

I asked if I could come inside,

She was surprised and asked why,

I got closer to her,

And whispered that I wanted to be with her,

Just a little longer.

She teared up,

And invited me inside.

I embraced her with loving arms,

And gave her the support and love she needed.

She didn’t feel so alone,

And she thanked me for being with her,

In a time that she was struggling,

I felt like I truly saw all of her beauty that day,

That I was always so afraid to explore.

On the surface she seemed perfect,

But her depths told a different story.

She truly was like the ocean.

Letting You Go Completely

I remember you wanting me to be angry with you,

You hurt me in unimaginable ways,

And you expected me to respond.

You didn’t care how I responded,

You just wanted a response,

You just wanted my attention.

I never understood why you wanted this,

But it suddenly hit me,

If I’m angry with you,

You’ll still be in my heart, mind and soul.

I’m still holding on to you.

And just struggling to let you go completely.

I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want,

As long as I hold a grudge,

I’m practically stabbing myself,

And expecting you to bleed with me.

I’m only hurting myself.

I want to be happy,

I want to strive to choose kindness and gentleness,

Every single day,

Just because you want to be cruel,

Doesn’t mean that I have to choose that as well.

I hope you can let go,

And be better eventually,

But I want to be better now

And let you go completely.

The Ocean Girl: Part Four

We walked back to her place,

I was nervous being with her,

For the first time.

I didn’t know what to expect,

Or if I wanted to find out.

I was drifting further away from shore,

And going into deeper, stranger tides.

Could I survive such unfamiliar territories?

We finally made it back to her place,

Tears started falling from her face,

I quickly embraced her and asked what’s wrong.

She told me today’s her last day here,

She was feeling alone,

She was depressed,

She was looking to escape this world.

She was struggling here and needs to leave.

I couldn’t believe she was feeling this way,

She was always so positive and vibrant,

How could I not see she was hurting?

I was only thinking of myself,

Just enjoying the view,

What could I do to make things right?

How could I show her she’s a rare gem?

How could I show her she’s a beauty in this world?

How could I show her she’s like the ocean?

One Bad Day

All it takes is one bad day.

One bad day can ruin progress.

One bad day can be someone’s breaking point.

One bad day can have so much power.

It can cause you to be cautious,

And slow you down.

It can expose you,

It can be cruel to you,

And take away any hope you had for yourself.

On the other hand,

One bad day can test your strength.

It can be a testament to your resilience,

And your perseverance.

One bad day isn’t all that bad.

One bad day is just one day,

Out of other days that are not so bad.

Don’t let it be more than that.

It’s just one bad day.

The Ocean Girl: Part Three

As we’re walking together,

She suddenly stopped.

I looked at her,

And I saw sadness in her eyes.

Something was suddenly bothering her,

Out of nowhere,

She grabbed my hand.

This was the first time we held hands,

And it was strangely relaxing to me.

It was calming and soothing,

And it just felt so right.

I was floating for the first time because of her,

I held on to her hand,

And decided to just go with the flow,

And allow these new tides to take me away.

I quickly snapped out of the little spell I was on,

And focused on her again,

There was a quietness to her now,

And I wanted to be there for her.

Before I can say anything,

She whispers that she wants me to follow her.

She wants me to come back to her place.

A Distant Memory

I’m enjoying the season I’m in right now,

I’m happy and thankful,

I have found joy in this time of my life.

I’m looking forward to new days,

And the possibility of tomorrow.

I have nearly forgotten the days I was sad.

The days I wanted to forget,

The days I wanted to cry,

The days I wanted to quickly come to an end.

I was living a terrible nightmare,

I was miserable,

I wasn’t even living,

I was trying to survive,

Now I feel more alive,

And the days that were harsh and crippling,

They are now a distant memory.

The Ocean Girl: Part Two

As we’re walking together,

I noticed that her hand was inching closer to mine,

But then she pulled it away.

Did she want us to be closer?

Did she long for us close the gap between us?

I wondered if maybe we should be closer,

Maybe there was something more I needed to explore

I’m drawn to her,

I was curious about her,

I wanted to know more about her,

And explore areas I had never been before,

But I was resisting her at the same time.

I was afraid.

I was afraid of the depths I knew nothing about.

I was worried about how deep I could end up,

I didn’t know if I could swim in such dangerous territories,

I was worried it would lead to me ultimately drowning.

Where I’m at now with her is good,

It’s comfortable and safe,

And it doesn’t need to change.

I’m okay with staying on the shore,

There’s no need to venture out more,

But things would soon change.

She would change the tides,

And change everything between us forever.

A Complicated Creature

The past is a complicated creature,

One can even argue that it’s an unforgivable monster,

It can be completely harmless,

And bring you joy and laughter

Or it can bring you stress,

That can only bring you heartache and regret,

Some people depend on it,

Some people choose to hold on to the guilt,

And the trauma that comes with the past,

In contrast,

Some people learn from the past and let go of it.

The past is not easy to forget,

It can even be your biggest threat,

To having a bright future.

The past can be like a tumor,

The only cure is to stop smoking it like a cigarette,

And drinking it like it’s gin

Depending on the past is an addiction,

It’s an affliction that one must treat with the right prescription,

The past is an interesting teacher,

One that can be a monster or a healer,

The past is a complicated creature.

The Ocean Girl: Part One

I remember walking home alone,

When someone suddenly appeared next to me,

I turned and saw who it was,

It was her,

I was excited and happy to see her.

I was in awe of her beauty that day,

She wore a light blue dress,

And I remember the dress complementing her caramel skin so well,

It was a little windy that day,

And her long, luscious black hair was straight,

And it had a smooth, rhythmic flow because of the wind,

It was calming to look at it.

She looked into my eyes with her hazel eyes,

And I was nervous because her eyes were like the sun to me,

Staring too much could rock my world

And practically blind me,

But I couldn’t help it.

I was always mesmerized by her eyes,

They just always put me in a spell.

She smiled at me,

And asked if it was okay if she was walking with me.

I assured her that she was fine,

I always loved walking with her,

There was just something relaxing about having her by my side.

It was like I was on vacation,

And I didn’t have a care in the world.

She somehow made me forget about struggle of getting through a tiring day,

She would briefly take me to a world of paradise.