A Distant Memory

I’m enjoying the season I’m in right now,

I’m happy and thankful,

I have found joy in this time of my life.

I’m looking forward to new days,

And the possibility of tomorrow.

I have nearly forgotten the days I was sad.

The days I wanted to forget,

The days I wanted to cry,

The days I wanted to quickly come to an end.

I was living a terrible nightmare,

I was miserable,

I wasn’t even living,

I was trying to survive,

Now I feel more alive,

And the days that were harsh and crippling,

They are now a distant memory.

The Ocean Girl: Part Two

As we’re walking together,

I noticed that her hand was inching closer to mine,

But then she pulled it away.

Did she want us to be closer?

Did she long for us close the gap between us?

I wondered if maybe we should be closer,

Maybe there was something more I needed to explore

I’m drawn to her,

I was curious about her,

I wanted to know more about her,

And explore areas I had never been before,

But I was resisting her at the same time.

I was afraid.

I was afraid of the depths I knew nothing about.

I was worried about how deep I could end up,

I didn’t know if I could swim in such dangerous territories,

I was worried it would lead to me ultimately drowning.

Where I’m at now with her is good,

It’s comfortable and safe,

And it doesn’t need to change.

I’m okay with staying on the shore,

There’s no need to venture out more,

But things would soon change.

She would change the tides,

And change everything between us forever.

A Complicated Creature

The past is a complicated creature,

One can even argue that it’s an unforgivable monster,

It can be completely harmless,

And bring you joy and laughter

Or it can bring you stress,

That can only bring you heartache and regret,

Some people depend on it,

Some people choose to hold on to the guilt,

And the trauma that comes with the past,

In contrast,

Some people learn from the past and let go of it.

The past is not easy to forget,

It can even be your biggest threat,

To having a bright future.

The past can be like a tumor,

The only cure is to stop smoking it like a cigarette,

And drinking it like it’s gin

Depending on the past is an addiction,

It’s an affliction that one must treat with the right prescription,

The past is an interesting teacher,

One that can be a monster or a healer,

The past is a complicated creature.

The Ocean Girl: Part One

I remember walking home alone,

When someone suddenly appeared next to me,

I turned and saw who it was,

It was her,

I was excited and happy to see her.

I was in awe of her beauty that day,

She wore a light blue dress,

And I remember the dress complementing her caramel skin so well,

It was a little windy that day,

And her long, luscious black hair was straight,

And it had a smooth, rhythmic flow because of the wind,

It was calming to look at it.

She looked into my eyes with her hazel eyes,

And I was nervous because her eyes were like the sun to me,

Staring too much could rock my world

And practically blind me,

But I couldn’t help it.

I was always mesmerized by her eyes,

They just always put me in a spell.

She smiled at me,

And asked if it was okay if she was walking with me.

I assured her that she was fine,

I always loved walking with her,

There was just something relaxing about having her by my side.

It was like I was on vacation,

And I didn’t have a care in the world.

She somehow made me forget about struggle of getting through a tiring day,

She would briefly take me to a world of paradise.

On My Mind

Every time I’m progressing,

I find that I want to revert back to you.

You’re comfortable,

You’re easy,

You’re a sweet relief,

But then I remember how toxic you are for me.

You’re a distraction for me,

You have no purpose in my life now,

You’re just a reminder that I’m weak.

It’s sad that I don’t have the will power to completely let you go.

Oddly enough,

I depend on you,

I count on you when I’m tired,

I count on you as a backup option,

I count on you when I’m afraid of what’s in front of me.

I can’t keep doing that.

I have to let go of my dependence on you,

But I can’t do it just yet.

For now,

I just try my best to resist you every day.

Maybe one day you’ll no longer be on my mind.

Leaving You Behind

I want you to know that I’m hurting too,

It’s not easy to ignore you

Or push you away,

But I found that I’m happier without you.

I can see the joy in life clearly,

And I want to experience more of it.

I just want to think about myself,

I just want to take care of myself,

I don’t want to worry about you anymore,

Maybe I’m wrong for having this selfish mentality,

But something tells me I’m not entirely wrong.

Something tells me I deserve to treat myself right,

After putting you first each and every time.

I’m missing you,

But I’m not needing you anymore.

I’m changing and growing in a better way.

Surely you can be happy for me,

But I know you want me to think about you.

Maybe someday I’ll come back for you,

But for now I’m leaving you behind.

Unhealed Scars

You don’t want your scars to fade away

Or be somewhat healed.

You want to showcase them,

You want to show how messed up and brutal they are to the world,

But you especially want me to see them.

You want me to feel bad for you,

You want me to feel your pain,

You want me to feel your struggle,

I did feel those things for years because it mattered to you,

But I just can’t anymore.

I’m repulsed and disgusted by the scars I’ve seen for years,

That’s the truth.

It makes me sick that you’re addicted to your scars.

Why do you hold on to them?

Can’t you see that’s the reason I keep my distance?

You just refuse to see the truth,

You’re too absorbed with your scars,

You’re too obsessed with your scars,

You’re too dependent with your scars,

You say your scars hurt every time you talk to me,

But make no effort to treat them.

I used to believe there was more to you than just your scars.

I used to believe in a different person.

A person I sincerely wanted in my life,

But now you’re almost unrecognizable to me,

And I don’t want you in my life

Because all you show me are your unhealed scars.

Ending a Journey

It’s so easy to end a journey

Why is that?

I think it’s easy because it’s always your choice,

When you want it to end.

Maybe you want to end your journey at the very beginning,

Because you realized early on the journey wasn’t really meant for you.

Maybe you’re tired of your journey,

And you just want to quit for sweet relief.

Maybe you reached your destination,

And the journey fulfilled its purpose.

Maybe there was no real reason why you ended a journey,

It just happened randomly.

But you’re always in control of when your journey ends,

You can always choose your ending.

Like it or not,

You’re the one in charge.

You’re the one that reaches the end.

No one can tell you when you reached the end.

Only you know when.

Only you can be satisfied with the ending,

Only you can be disappointed with the ending.

Ending a journey brings out the truth in us.

Ending a journey can be sad.

Ending a journey can be rewarding.

Starting a Journey

It’s so easy to start a journey

Why is that?

I think it’s because beginnings are easy to control,

We can control how determined we are,

We can control our feelings and attitudes,

We can even control our perspective,

Everything is in our control.

And we know how we want our journey to start and end.

We have set plans and goals for our journey,

We think we’re prepared,

We think we have everything we need,

All packed in a suitcase.

Starting a journey brings out the best in us.

Starting a journey is exciting.

Starting a journey is easy.

A Familiar Shadow: Part Five

Jaden and Marvin have been living in Jeremy’s house for a few weeks now. Jeremy lives in the house as well, but they never see him at all. In fact, they’ve never seen him before. If anything, they mostly see his shadow lurking and creaking through the hallways at night in the house. This was Jeremy’s request to Jaden and Marvin. Jeremy wanted them to be in their rooms from 12:00 am – 3:00 am, so that he could roam the house freely at night. Marvin did not care about the request, but it was strange to Jaden. Plus, there was something strangely familiar about Jeremy to Jaden. He just couldn’t figure it out.

It’s close to midnight, and Jaden and Marvin are playing Mortal Kombat together in Marvin’s room. Jaden still has not forgotten about the fact that Marvin nearly choked him out to be in this house. He desperately wants to get far away from Marvin, but he fears that he’s trapped. However, Jaden is doing his best to keep things normal and casual with Marvin. Jaden does not want to anger Marvin again.

They’ve been playing Mortal Kombat for a few hours now, and they’re on their last match of the night. Marvin is using Sub Zero, while Jaden is using Lui Kang. While they’re playing, Jaden hears the floor creak outside of Marvin’s room. Jaden takes a quick look, but he sees nothing but a person’s shadow on the hardwood floor. Jaden thought to himself that it had to be Jeremy’s shadow. It’s not midnight yet, so Jaden wonders why Jeremy is outside his room at this hour.

Before he can think about it any further, there’s a loud yell from Marvin as he ends up beating Jaden the third round in Mortal Kombat.

“Let’s go! I am the greatest of all time! No one can stop me,” Marvin yells.

“Be quiet, I just got a little distracted,” Jaden says.

“Whatever man, all I do is win, win, win, no matter what. Now, if you want to get that work again, I got you.”

Jaden laughs, but there’s something strangely familiar about the back-and-forth between him and Marvin. All of a sudden, Jaden receives a text message. He’s worried about looking at the message because his mom was recently admitted to a hospital. She doesn’t have very long to live. Jaden starts tearing up because he wishes that he was with his mom and sister.

Marvin quickly gets up and embraces Jaden. Jaden shakes his head and explains, “It’s just hard being here and not at home, especially with my mom being sick and everything. It’s only getting worse for her, and —

Jaden suddenly stops and realizes there’s something weird and strange going on. He feels like he’s said that before. Jaden starts sobbing in Marvin’s arms.

Marvin whispers, “I got you, bro. You’re my best friend, and I’m always going to be there for you. You gotta push through the pain and hurt, alright bro?”

Marvin’s words are strangely familiar and eerie to Jaden. He doesn’t know why. Jaden looks at his phone and sees that it’s a text from Maria.

The text reads, “Hey, I miss you. I was wondering if you wanted to come over and you know.”

Jaden drops his phone, and he’s starting to freak out and shaking. Marvin doesn’t understand what’s going on. Marvin quickly picks up Jaden’s phone and sees that he got a text from Maria.

Marvin smiles and says, “Bro, Maria is trying to get a piece of you.”

“What do you mean?” Jaden says without even thinking. He quickly puts his hand on his mouth and can’t believe the words that he spoke.

Marvin lets out a big sigh and responds, “Jaden, my clueless friend, she’s trying to get with you and smash tonight.”

This is sounding all too crazy and familiar to Jaden. He doesn’t understand or know what’s going on right now. Then, Jaden adds, “Well, I’m not trying to see her bro. She’s getting married in a month.”

“Ok, and? She’s trying to have a little fun with you before she’s committed to someone the rest of her life. She’s entitled to a little fun. Plus, you’ve been boyfriend #2 for two years and now you’re trying to dip on her? Know your role bro,” Marvin says.

“I never wanted this role in the first place. This is annoying! I want something more than just fun and sex. It’s just been pointless and meaningless.”

“You’re just tripping, bro. Why did you start this in the first place, then?”

“I never wanted to start this situation in the first place. It just happened, and I thought she would break up with her boyfriend and be with me. It just never happened, and I’ve been a fool this entire time. I’ve been trusting and believing the wrong people.”

After Jaden said those words, there’s an awkward silence between Jaden and Marvin. Before Jaden can say anything, Marvin admits that he’s hungry and needs something to eat. Jaden’s heart starts beating faster, and he once again hears the floor creak again outside of Marvin’s room. Jaden looks and sees the shadow outside of Marvin’s room not moving at all.

Before Jaden can say anything, Marvin says, “You know, this might sound crazy but maybe we should go to the Purple Eyes diner and —

Jaden interrupts, “Marvin, do you not know what’s going on right now? We’re reliving that night at Purple Eyes!”

“What are you talking about, Jaden?”

“Marvin, doesn’t tonight seem a little too familiar and coincidental to you? We’re playing Mortal Kombat, we were talking about my mom, Maria sent me a text and you were about to convince me to come with you to Purple Eyes. We did all that before going to Purple Eyes.”

Marvin gasps and realizes that they are reliving that night in their own way. It’s not completely a copy of that night, but it’s pretty close. Marvin catches his breath and whispers, “Alright, this is a little freaky and weird. Ok this is no problem, all we have to do is not go to Purple Eyes and we’re good, right?”

Before Jaden can say anything, Marvin gets a random text message from Jeremy. It reads, “Come to the living room.”

Marvin shows the message to Jaden, and Jaden quickly looks back at Marvin’s open door and finds the shadow no longer there.

“Hey man, I don’t think you should go to the living room. I think we need to stick together and get out of here.” Jaden pleads.

“What are you talking about, bro? We’re gonna be fine as long as we don’t go to Purple Eyes. Plus, Jeremy is our landlord, so we really can’t ignore him,” Marvin explains.

“I don’t know man, he seems kinda shady and weird too tonight. I kinda saw his shadow in the hallway, and why is he now trying to see us?”

“It is a little strange, but I think we’re okay. You’re more than welcome to come with me, I’m going to see him real quick and be right back.”

Jaden tries to stop Marvin, but he’s quick to maneuver Jaden and get out of his room. Jaden is scared and worried about his friend. He thinks about getting up and following Marvin, but for some reason he’s struggling to move.

All of a sudden, Jaden hears a shriek sounding like Marvin and something heavy tumbling down the stairs. Jaden’s heart is beating faster and faster now.

Then, he hears Marvin yelling and begging for Jaden to help him. Jaden rushes out of Marvin’s room and goes to the steps. He sees his best friend’s body at the bottom of the stairs. Before Jaden can do anything, he’s pushed down the steps by someone. Jaden tumbles down the hardwood steps and ends up on top of Marvin.

Jaden’s body is hurting and aching, and he cannot move or do anything. His vision has been compromised. Everything is a blur now. He’s scared and shocked. Marvin pushes Jaden off of him, and Jaden can kinda see Marvin trying to crawl away. Jaden listens as he hears someone walking down the stairs. He turns his head towards the steps and sees a black figure coming down the steps. The black figure is a blur to Jaden, and the figure mostly looks like a shadow. Jaden is assuming the shadow is Jeremy.

The shadow goes over to Marvin first. Jaden cannot move or do anything. All he can do is watch and listen. He watches and listens to Marvin begging to have his life spared. Jaden listens to the constant and consistent stabbing taking place, the stabbing is loud, true and unbearable for some odd reason. Jaden listens to the cries his best friend is making. Jaden hears the laughter from the shadow for this is simply a fun, sick, thrilling game the shadow never wants to stop playing.

This was all too familiar and crazy to Jaden. The stabbing comes to an abrupt stop. Jaden looks over and sees his best friend with multiple stab wounds in a pool of his own blood. Jaden watches the shadow figure get up and look at him. Then, he whispers, “You’re next.”

Jaden instantly recognizes the voice. It’s his classmate’s voice from the night at Purple Eyes a few years ago. He’s alive, Jaden thought to himself.

“How are you still alive? You’re Jeremy, right?” Jaden weakly asks.

There is no response from the shadow that is quite familiar to Jaden. The familiar shadow walks over to Jaden and gets on top of him. Jaden can see the butcher knife in his hand, and it looks like the familiar shadow is going to stab him.

Jaden starts crying and realizes that he’s about to die. Then, Jaden whispers, “I’m so sorry.”

Jaden starts whispering more things, but the familiar shadow cannot understand the unclear, desperate whispers. The familiar shadow chooses to ignore the whispers. The familiar shadow kneels down to Jaden’s face and whispers in his ear, “So beautiful.”

Jaden is shocked by this familiar statement, and he continues to whisper. The familiar shadow gets off of him and stands up. It’s as if the shadow figure is waiting for something to happen. Then, Jaden realizes what he must do. Jaden reaches and begs for help, but he’s kicked in the face by the familiar shadow. The blurry figure gets on top of Jaden again, and Jaden understands and knows his life will be taken away from him. Still, Jaden whispers and whispers while he’s being stabbed repeatedly by the familiar shadow.