A Loving Escape

I want to be a place you feel safe.

I want to be a place you call home.

I want to be considered the best place on Earth for you.

A place where you can relax your mind.

A place where I’m your peace.

Let me be a sweet dream you never want to wake up from.

A dream that takes you away from the nightmares of this world.

Let me be all that and more for you.

I want to cater to you.

I want to fulfill all your wants and needs.

I don’t want to fail you.

I want to be a place you can be yourself.

A place you can be free.

You don’t need to be scared.

I’m holding on to you and never letting go.

My love will always be here to comfort and support you.

I promise that it’s not going anywhere.

It’s here for you,

And it’s only for you.

When you feel alone,

I’ll be there for you.

When you don’t feel heard,

I’ll listen to you.

When you need encouragement,

I’ll provide it.

When you need love,

I’ll give it to you.

I want to be place full of love and kindness for you.

A place full of optimism and hope.

A place full of care and support.

I want to be that more than anything for you.

You have my word.

I want to provide you a different kind love.

A love you have never received before.

A love that you’ve been yearning and waiting for.

A love that’s a safe haven for you.

That’s all I want to do for you.

I want to love you like you’ve never been loved before.

I don’t want to give you a fairy tale love.

A love based on imagination and promising possibilities.

A love that assumes we’ll be happily ever after.

A love that is typical and practiced constantly in this world.

You don’t deserve that kind of love.

You deserve real love.

A love based on facts and evidence.

A love that never makes assumptions.

A love that is different and unique in this world

Nothing more and nothing less.

You deserve a love that is simply a loving escape.

Come Back

Life isn’t the same without you.

I want us together again.

Please, come back to me.

Come back into my spirit.

I miss you.

I miss who I used to be.

I can’t continue living life like this.

It’s damaging my soul not having you around.

I’m lost in a world full of darkness.

Please come back and be my light.

I need to see again.

I want to see the world so clearly again.

I can’t be anything without you.

It’s a struggle to survive.

Please revive me.

I want life in this vessel again.

I want to thrive and be happy again.

Happiness seems like a distant, impossible dream now.

Depression is sadly my dark, twisted fantasy.

It’s a nightmare that I can never wake up from.

Unless you come back to me.

Come back to me, please.

I’ll do anything to have you back.

I need you back.

Please, come back to me.

Can you come back to me?

I hope you can.

I hope it’s not too late.

Come back.

I Want More

I want more in this world.

I can’t settle for less anymore.

I can’t just survive.

I long and crave for everything I’ve imagined.

There’s a hunger I have that I need to satisfy.

I settled for crumbs for too long.

I almost starved myself to death.

I have a thirst that will never be quenched with an empty glass.

I need to fill my glass up.

I have to have everything I want and more.

I’m tired of just surviving.

I want to be thriving.

There’s no way I can stay in the same place.

I can’t keep going through the same, boring, safe cycle.

I long for adventure.

I long for danger and excitement.

I long for opportunities that eyes can’t see.

I want to go through changes.

I can’t be who I am now for the rest of my life.

I want to be better.

I want to evolve.

I want to grow.

I want to be different.

I want more.

An Empty Glass

I have an empty glass in my hand.

I long and thirst for something.

I look around and see nothing.

Total darkness surrounds me.

I feel like I belong in this black world.

A world of no color, light or joy.

A world that is simply a dark place.

An endless void of nothingness.

A world that I can relax in peace with no distractions.

Can this last forever?

A table appears in front of me.

On it appears to be two jars of liquid.

One jar has water in it.

The other jar has some sort of red liquid in it.

I have an opportunity to no longer thirst.

This was something I was waiting for.

Something I was hoping and praying for.

I look to choose a jar,

But I’m hesitant.

I shake the feeling away,

But then I stop myself.

I quickly realize that I will change.

I will no longer thirst.

If I no longer thirst,

Then where will I go?

Will I go to a better place?

Or will I go to an unimaginable, scarier place?

Plus, which jar should I choose?

Will water be enough to quench my thirst?

It’s pure and untainted.

It has a familiar taste that I need.

I have nothing to fear with water.

We all need water.

Yet, how do I know that this is good water?

Looks can be deceiving.

Maybe I’m supposed to choose the jar with the red liquid.

Perhaps I’m being tested,

And need to choose the red liquid.

Maybe it’s the one with the right nutrients and essentials,

And it could be a nourishment to my body.

Maybe it will help me survive.

Perhaps it’s the most honest,

Despite it’s unique look.

But it could be poisonous.

Perhaps there’s something fatal in the red liquid.

It could hurt me in more ways than one.

The possibilities are endless.

Which one should I choose?

I choose neither.

I turn my back away from the table.

I walk away from the two jars full of liquid that could’ve saved or killed me.

Why take an unnecessary risk?

I walk into total darkness.

I walk around and see nothing.

An endless void of nothingness.

A world that is simply a dark place.

A world of no color, light or joy.

A black world that I feel like I belong in.

Yet there’s something missing for me.

I long and thirst for something.

I have an empty glass in my hand.

Choosing Your Best Friend Over Love

Two years ago, I was Facetiming and talking on the phone with my friend Charlotte. We were having our usual, fun, chill conversation on the phone, and she told me that one of her guy “friends” admitted to liking her. For me, this did not come as a surprise. 

Charlotte was practically this beautiful, Instagram model. She looked good in all of her Instagram posts. She would mostly have famous, professional athletes slide in her DMs, and she would hook up with them sometimes. Plus, Charlotte and I had met through Tinder at the time. She was this gorgeous, attractive girl that I really wanted to get with. However, the more I got to know her, the more I realized that we would be better as friends. I didn’t think that we were compatible, and I couldn’t see myself having a long-term relationship with her. Something was just missing with her. Nevertheless, I still liked talking to her and decided we were better off as friends. 

Anyways, Charlotte was telling me that this guy that was her friend was heading off into the military, but he ended up confessing his feelings for her. Charlotte told me that it really came out of nowhere, and she didn’t feel anything romantic with him. He told her that he always had feelings for her, and Charlotte was kind of weirded out and confused by that. 

Charlotte asked, “Like Isaiah, if he knew he always had feelings for me, why didn’t he say something from the beginning and just act like my friend all this time?”

It was a valid question, and I responded, “Well, some guys just don’t really like being honest and truthful about their feelings. I don’t personally believe in the Friend Zone, but some guys that do would rather keep you close and be stuck in the Friend Zone because it’s a safer option. They don’t get rejected, and they can pretty much stay close to you and wait for a better opportunity to make their move.”

Charlotte then asked me why I don’t necessarily believe in the Friend Zone. I said, “Well, I just don’t think you can be stuck in the Friend Zone. For a guy or girl, you can choose to either tell your friend how you feel, never say anything or walk away from the friendship. However, it’s all your choice. You’re only stuck because you chose to be stuck.”

 Charlotte was impressed with my answer, but she’s still annoyed that most of her guy friends just randomly profess their love for her. I understood her frustration, and I assured that she always had a friend in me. She was glad to hear that I just intended to be friends with her, and she started talking to me about her guy best friend that she really cared about. His name was Billy. She told me that they had been friends for years, and she could always count on him. Billy sounded like a really good friend.  Then, she told me some interesting things about him that made me question if he was a good friend. 

She explained to me how every time he talked to a new girl or had a girlfriend, he would just cut her off. Billy would tell Charlotte that his girlfriends were not comfortable with him being friends with her. I thought that was a little weird because I just had a hard time believing that all of his girlfriends were telling him to stop talking to Charlotte. I felt like he just wanted to cut her off, but I didn’t say anything. Charlotte also added that everytime it didn’t work out with any of his girlfriends, he would just be messaging her like crazy talking about he’s sorry and wanted to be friends again. 

Charlotte said, “Yeah, he just messaged every 10-15 minutes for weeks saying that he missed me and wanted to be friends again. It was so annoying getting messages from him and just ignoring him, but I also thought that it was sweet that he was constantly messaging and apologizing to me. It showed that he was serious about our friendship and knew he made a mistake, and I just had to eventually forgive him.” 

I blurted out, “Well, that sounds like harassment to me. I get that it was somewhat sentimental to you, but that’s also kinda childish and pathetic to me. You clearly didn’t want to talk to him, and he didn’t really respect the fact that you wanted to stop talking to him. But you didn’t block him or tell him to stop for whatever reason, and it ended up working out. Now y’all have a wonderful, life-long friendship together.”  

Charlotte said I was right, but she said that Billy doing all that wasn’t pathetic to her. It meant a lot to her. I could tell there was a little change in her mood. She was bothered. It’s possible that I may have revealed and shared too much of my thoughts. I was thinking that maybe I shouldn’t have said all that, when she just wanted to share something sentimental about her best friend. I was thinking I had to be more careful with my honesty and transparency. Some restraint is necessary and important. 

Thankfully, I was able to change the subject, and we were able to go back to having a chill, fun conversation. I was relieved that our conversation about her best friend Billy didn’t ruin our time FaceTiming and talking with one another.

A couple of days had passed, and Charlotte messaged and told me in the afternoon that she met the most amazing guy. I was all excited and happy to hear that, and I wanted to know so much about the guy that got her in her feelings. She told so much about him, and how he slid in her DMs and is practically her dream guy. Charlotte felt a real connection with this guy, and I was genuinely happy for her. I wanted her to find the one, and I couldn’t wait to Facetime her and talk about the guy. 

Around 6:00 that day, Charlotte messaged me again and told me that it wasn’t going to work out with the guy. I was devastated and hurt. I was invested in this potential relationship, and I wanted to see it come to fruition. How could it be so short lived? They were supposed to have some rom com moments, have some cute pictures together, decide if they want to be public or private about their relationship, get married, have kids and grow old together. I was rooting for this potential couple, how could it be over so soon? I needed answers. I needed an explanation for this romance that literally lasted for a few hours. 

Charlotte and I Facetime each other around 9:00, and I immediately ask what happened with her dream guy. I admitted to her that I was rooting for them, and I just thought that they were meant to be. Charlotte thought that I was sweet thinking that, but she said there was a lot that happened. She explained how everything was going well as they were talking and connecting with each other, but then he brought up guy friends. I knew it was about to get crazy. 

Charlotte said, “So, I told him that I have guy friends and that I have a guy best friend named Billy. I told him that we’re really close, but he had nothing to worry about. Billy is honestly just a friend.” 

Then, she told me that he was uncomfortable with her having a guy best friend. He was worried that they would get close and develop feelings for each other. I was certain that Charlotte would tell the guy that he had nothing to worry about, but she ended up dropping an unexpected bomb shell to me. 

She stated, “Well, Billy and I had kissed and made out before.” 

I was shocked and couldn’t believe what I heard. I needed more information and details about this unexpected plot twist. So, Charlotte continued, “Well, it was a couple of years ago and we were just hanging out with each other. One thing led to another, and we just ended up kissing and making out. But nothing else happened after that. We just felt like it was weird and decided we were better off as friends.” 

There were a lot of questions and concerns that were racing in my mind with Charlotte and Billy. Like how could y’all be friends after that? It wasn’t like they kissed for a few seconds. The way Charlotte described it to me, it sounded like they kissed for a good 15-20 minutes before putting a stop to it and going further. And how did Charlotte know if it was genuinely weird for him, too? He might’ve just said that because you said that. And if he saw you as just a friend, why does he always ghost you the minute he has a girlfriend? It just seemed like Charlotte was something more than just a friend to him. The math was not mathing to me at all. I was thinking all those things to myself, but I refrained from saying anything because I remembered I didn’t want to be too honest and transparent with her. 

Anyways, Charlotte added that she told the guy what had happened between her and Billy, and the guy told her that she needed to end her friendship with Billy. Charlotte explained, “Yeah, he was saying that he’s uncomfortable with me and Billy’s friendship, and I essentially had to choose between him or my best friend. That was just so unfair to me because we had just met, and you’re already trying to dictate who I can and cannot be friends with. That’s ridiculous and a huge red flag to me.” 

I understood where Charlotte was coming from, and I agreed with her to a certain extent. Charlotte and the guy really had not gone on even a first date, and he really had no business/right telling her who she can and cannot be friends with. However, I will say that if their relationship was more established, then he could have more of a say. I do believe that friends of the opposite sex can get in the way of a relationship and disrespect it as well because they may not know how to respect boundaries. That’s unfair to your partner if he/she feels that a friend is disrespecting your relationship and disregarding certain boundaries. I feel like it’s important for your partner to feel safe, comfortable and secure with you.   

Charlotte stated that she couldn’t believe the ultimatum the guy gave her, and she said that she would choose her best friend. The guy understood and decided that they should just stop talking to each other. Then, Charlotte asked me what I thought about the whole situation. 

I was thinking a lot of things about Billy, her and potential future relationships where her friendship with Billy could be a problem with guys that were interested in her. However, I said, “Well, I think he definitely gave you an unfair ultimatum, especially with y’all not really going on a first date yet. You made your choice. Your friendship with Billy is clearly important to you, and you don’t want to compromise that in any way. He clearly wasn’t the guy for you, and that’s okay. The right guy is definitely gonna come your way soon.”

She was appreciative of my encouraging words, and she was glad that I was her friend. We ended up changing the subject and just talking and having our normal, usual conversation. Before we hung up, she mentioned the guy again and couldn’t believe how much they connected with each other. She felt like it was real, and it would’ve been nice to see him in person and go on a date with him. 

“I can understand that, but you can’t keep thinking about it. It wasn’t like you were in a full blown relationship with him, and y’all weren’t talking very long either. Do you know how pretty and beautiful you are? There are gonna be better, sweeter guys that will come your way and treat you better,” I said.

Charlotte was thankful for everything that I said, and she’s glad that I can be so hopeful and optimistic. She just thought that she had a real chance at love. I just couldn’t believe that she chose her best friend over love.

That’s the end of the short story “Choosing Your Best Friend Over Love.”

Be sure to like, comment, and share your thoughts on this short story.

Just For Today

I want nothing on my mind,

I just don’t want to think about anything.

It’s a terrible day to do such a thing.

I’m just having one of those days.

You know about those days, right?

It’s perfectly normal to have these days, right?

It just feels like I have them all the time.

I just have days of wanting to feel nothing,

When I’m feeling everything.

Why do I have these days?

What’s wrong with me?

No, nothing is wrong with me, right?

It’s just one of those days, right?

I just have to get through today.

Just deal with it all today.

Just for today.

Far, Far Away

I wonder about our future together,

I wonder if we’re meant to last forever,

I wonder to avoid the harsh reality,

I slip down the rabbit hole,

And I know I shouldn’t get lost like Alice in Wonderland

But I can’t help it,

Wondering is just another way of avoiding.

I should just talk to you

And tell you how I feel,

But I can’t do such a thing,

I’m too afraid to do such a trivial thing,

Yet I act like I’m so big, bold and strong

When I’m a really a cowardly lion in Oz.

There’s no place like you,

Yet I want to be in a world of pure imagination,

A place like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory

Full of sweets and all my desires,

Can that really be a better paradise than you?

There’s no way of knowing without going,

Yet I don’t want to be far from you,

I don’t want to be far from home,

But it’s too late,

I’m already far, far away.

An Undesirable Gem in America

My people are an undesirable gem in America.

We’re special and priceless,

But worthless in America,

Unless we’re submissive to the rules of America,

No matter how unfair or unreasonable they are to us.

We have to shut up and be grateful.

Shut up and America will treat us right on their own time.

Shut up or America will tear gas us.

Shut up or America will shoot us without hesitation.

Shut up or America will suffocate us,

So that we can’t breathe.

All we have to do is shut up,

Then we’ll be worthy of America’s conditional love.

After all, America is known as the land of the free,

Yet my people have never seen freedom in America.

We have only seen enslavement, torture, persecution and abuse,

That never ends because of the color of our black skin.

Police officers must be happy they can choose when to be blue.

Police officers can be free whenever.

That form of freedom must be nice.

Don’t we have a right to fight for freedom?

Don’t we have a right to want more?

Don’t we have a right to want a better future?

Don’t we have a right to matter?

No, that’s too much in America.

We’re asking for too much in America.

America would like it better if we didn’t ask at all.

Is that too much to ask?

America wonders.

Meanwhile, America’s other gem can do whatever they want,

Thanks to the color of their white skin.

They don’t have to worry about basic human rights.

They don’t have to worry about freedom.

They don’t have to worry about mattering.

America loves them.

They can protest little inconveniences like wearing a mask.

They can even storm and terrorize the Capitol Building,

Simply because an election did not go their way.

No repercussions will come their way.

America will think about them.

America will see the hurt that they’re going through.

America will be patient with them.

America will be kind to them.

America will listen.

America will hope to alleviate the pain and stop the crying,

Because they matter.

I wish for my people to matter to America.

I wish America could see my people’s priceless worth.

I wish my people can have the privileges of the other gem.

I pray my people never forget we are priceless and special.

We are black and proud,

We are worthy of freedom and love in this country.

We have to remember and know our worth and beauty,

Despite being an undesirable gem in America.

Letting You Go

I thought that it would be impossible to let you go.

It’s a miracle that I was able to do so.

You always had me itching and wanting your attention and love.

You were medicine for me.

It’s a fact,

I can’t lie about that.

You were a drug that gave me a special kind of high,

Yet you were also a drug that was detrimental to my mind, body and soul.

You were a goddess in my eyes.

I worshipped you without hesitation.

I believed in you with determination,

When I should’ve known that you were a false idol.

I never had a chance,

I was lost in your trance.

I was hypnotized by your physical beauty.

I fantasized about you,

When I knew that I should’ve kept my distance.

But you would not allow it.

You depended on me.

You told me I was a comfort for you.

You told me I was reassurance for you.

You told me I was an angel to you.

You told me I was the sweetest and kindest to you.

You told me I was somebody that you could count on.

You told me I was so much for you,

Yet you were so little for me.

You were never going to let me go.

You intended to keep me as your prisoner,

But I longed for freedom.

It was tiring and exhausting to be with you.

I had to give you so much,

And you were content in giving me so little.

That was never going to change.

You envisioned a future with me.

You had these big plans and dreams for us,

But they were not meant to be.

Disappointments, heartache and hurt was our future.

You tried to tell me that things would get better between us.

You tried to tell me that you were going to change.

At that point,

I knew that they were just mere words.

I could finally tell.

You did not mean any of those words you spoke to me.

They were just lies to keep me under your spell.

I had a chance at love with you,

But I knew that it was not going to be real love.

It would have been an illusion with you.

I even had this delusion that you loved me in your own way.

Maybe I just needed to take a chance with you

And hope you would change in time.

Sadly, I could not trust in chance and hope.

I had to trust the evidence.

I had to let you go.

Smile and Have a Glad Heart

Proverbs 15: 13-15 AMP

“A heart full of joy and goodness makes a cheerful face, But when a heart is full of sadness the spirit is crushed. The mind of the intelligent and discerning seeks knowledge and eagerly inquires after it, But the mouth of the stubborn fool feeds on foolishness. All the days of the afflicted are bad, But a glad heart has a continual feast regardless of the circumstances”

‭‭Proverbs is one of my favorite books in the Bible because it teaches wisdom, inner peace, your relationship with God and the pursuit to happiness. I try to read Proverbs daily because it gives me the right mindset to have on my best and worst days.

In times when life seems grey and there seems to be no color or joy in it, we have to remember to smile and have a glad heart in any circumstance we’re in because radical gratitude leads to growth and change. How can your situation change or get better when you’re stuck and focused on the negatives? It’s impossible because stubbornness and fixation on the negatives keep you in the same, terrible place mentally and spiritually.

Remembering to smile and having a glad heart also leads to deeper, stronger, long-lasting relationships with others and God. You never know what someone else is going through or what they need in their lives. By just having a positive attitude and a glad heart, you’re healing and nurturing to them in ways you never expected. You’re there for them by simply being a constant positive part of their lives.

In the end, Kirk Franklin said it best, “You look so much better when you smile” 😊.

https://www.bible.com/1588/pro.15.13-15.amp