A Distant Memory

I’m enjoying the season I’m in right now,

I’m happy and thankful,

I have found joy in this time of my life.

I’m looking forward to new days,

And the possibility of tomorrow.

I have nearly forgotten the days I was sad.

The days I wanted to forget,

The days I wanted to cry,

The days I wanted to quickly come to an end.

I was living a terrible nightmare,

I was miserable,

I wasn’t even living,

I was trying to survive,

Now I feel more alive,

And the days that were harsh and crippling,

They are now a distant memory.

The Ocean Girl: Part Two

As we’re walking together,

I noticed that her hand was inching closer to mine,

But then she pulled it away.

Did she want us to be closer?

Did she long for us close the gap between us?

I wondered if maybe we should be closer,

Maybe there was something more I needed to explore

I’m drawn to her,

I was curious about her,

I wanted to know more about her,

And explore areas I had never been before,

But I was resisting her at the same time.

I was afraid.

I was afraid of the depths I knew nothing about.

I was worried about how deep I could end up,

I didn’t know if I could swim in such dangerous territories,

I was worried it would lead to me ultimately drowning.

Where I’m at now with her is good,

It’s comfortable and safe,

And it doesn’t need to change.

I’m okay with staying on the shore,

There’s no need to venture out more,

But things would soon change.

She would change the tides,

And change everything between us forever.

A Complicated Creature

The past is a complicated creature,

One can even argue that it’s an unforgivable monster,

It can be completely harmless,

And bring you joy and laughter

Or it can bring you stress,

That can only bring you heartache and regret,

Some people depend on it,

Some people choose to hold on to the guilt,

And the trauma that comes with the past,

In contrast,

Some people learn from the past and let go of it.

The past is not easy to forget,

It can even be your biggest threat,

To having a bright future.

The past can be like a tumor,

The only cure is to stop smoking it like a cigarette,

And drinking it like it’s gin

Depending on the past is an addiction,

It’s an affliction that one must treat with the right prescription,

The past is an interesting teacher,

One that can be a monster or a healer,

The past is a complicated creature.

The Ocean Girl: Part One

I remember walking home alone,

When someone suddenly appeared next to me,

I turned and saw who it was,

It was her,

I was excited and happy to see her.

I was in awe of her beauty that day,

She wore a light blue dress,

And I remember the dress complementing her caramel skin so well,

It was a little windy that day,

And her long, luscious black hair was straight,

And it had a smooth, rhythmic flow because of the wind,

It was calming to look at it.

She looked into my eyes with her hazel eyes,

And I was nervous because her eyes were like the sun to me,

Staring too much could rock my world

And practically blind me,

But I couldn’t help it.

I was always mesmerized by her eyes,

They just always put me in a spell.

She smiled at me,

And asked if it was okay if she was walking with me.

I assured her that she was fine,

I always loved walking with her,

There was just something relaxing about having her by my side.

It was like I was on vacation,

And I didn’t have a care in the world.

She somehow made me forget about struggle of getting through a tiring day,

She would briefly take me to a world of paradise.

On My Mind

Every time I’m progressing,

I find that I want to revert back to you.

You’re comfortable,

You’re easy,

You’re a sweet relief,

But then I remember how toxic you are for me.

You’re a distraction for me,

You have no purpose in my life now,

You’re just a reminder that I’m weak.

It’s sad that I don’t have the will power to completely let you go.

Oddly enough,

I depend on you,

I count on you when I’m tired,

I count on you as a backup option,

I count on you when I’m afraid of what’s in front of me.

I can’t keep doing that.

I have to let go of my dependence on you,

But I can’t do it just yet.

For now,

I just try my best to resist you every day.

Maybe one day you’ll no longer be on my mind.

Leaving You Behind

I want you to know that I’m hurting too,

It’s not easy to ignore you

Or push you away,

But I found that I’m happier without you.

I can see the joy in life clearly,

And I want to experience more of it.

I just want to think about myself,

I just want to take care of myself,

I don’t want to worry about you anymore,

Maybe I’m wrong for having this selfish mentality,

But something tells me I’m not entirely wrong.

Something tells me I deserve to treat myself right,

After putting you first each and every time.

I’m missing you,

But I’m not needing you anymore.

I’m changing and growing in a better way.

Surely you can be happy for me,

But I know you want me to think about you.

Maybe someday I’ll come back for you,

But for now I’m leaving you behind.

Unhealed Scars

You don’t want your scars to fade away

Or be somewhat healed.

You want to showcase them,

You want to show how messed up and brutal they are to the world,

But you especially want me to see them.

You want me to feel bad for you,

You want me to feel your pain,

You want me to feel your struggle,

I did feel those things for years because it mattered to you,

But I just can’t anymore.

I’m repulsed and disgusted by the scars I’ve seen for years,

That’s the truth.

It makes me sick that you’re addicted to your scars.

Why do you hold on to them?

Can’t you see that’s the reason I keep my distance?

You just refuse to see the truth,

You’re too absorbed with your scars,

You’re too obsessed with your scars,

You’re too dependent with your scars,

You say your scars hurt every time you talk to me,

But make no effort to treat them.

I used to believe there was more to you than just your scars.

I used to believe in a different person.

A person I sincerely wanted in my life,

But now you’re almost unrecognizable to me,

And I don’t want you in my life

Because all you show me are your unhealed scars.

Ending a Journey

It’s so easy to end a journey

Why is that?

I think it’s easy because it’s always your choice,

When you want it to end.

Maybe you want to end your journey at the very beginning,

Because you realized early on the journey wasn’t really meant for you.

Maybe you’re tired of your journey,

And you just want to quit for sweet relief.

Maybe you reached your destination,

And the journey fulfilled its purpose.

Maybe there was no real reason why you ended a journey,

It just happened randomly.

But you’re always in control of when your journey ends,

You can always choose your ending.

Like it or not,

You’re the one in charge.

You’re the one that reaches the end.

No one can tell you when you reached the end.

Only you know when.

Only you can be satisfied with the ending,

Only you can be disappointed with the ending.

Ending a journey brings out the truth in us.

Ending a journey can be sad.

Ending a journey can be rewarding.

Enduring a Journey

It’s so easy to hate a journey

Why is that?

I think it’s because it’s easy to gravitate to the things we can control.

For instance,

A journey can become long, tiring and unbearable.

When that happens,

It’s hard to be determined,

It’s hard to be positive,

It’s hard to be grateful,

It’s hard to be faithful,

It’s hard to be the best version of yourself,

When you have no idea when your journey will come to an end.

The things you once controlled are no longer safely with you.

They’re either gone forever,

Or they’ll make some appearances here and there on your journey,

So what do you do?

Naturally,

You gravitate towards negativity,

You gravitate towards sadness,

You gravitate towards laziness,

You gravitate towards fear,

You know these things won’t help you in your journey,

But they’re the things you can have control over in the middle of your journey.

They comfort and distract your from your journey.

Enduring a journey brings out the worst in us.

Enduring a journey can be scary.

Enduring a journey can be hard.

Starting a Journey

It’s so easy to start a journey

Why is that?

I think it’s because beginnings are easy to control,

We can control how determined we are,

We can control our feelings and attitudes,

We can even control our perspective,

Everything is in our control.

And we know how we want our journey to start and end.

We have set plans and goals for our journey,

We think we’re prepared,

We think we have everything we need,

All packed in a suitcase.

Starting a journey brings out the best in us.

Starting a journey is exciting.

Starting a journey is easy.