I used to worry about my future

Because I was unsure

About what my future would hold

This made me be scared to be bold

It made me withhold

I was scared to do anything

Scared to spread my wings

Cause I didn’t know if I could fly

I don’t know why I thought I couldn’t fly

When I had the Word and the Lord

No, why do I have to lie?

Truthfully, I didn’t know if the Lord was with me

So, how else was I supposed to fly?

When it was possible that I could die?

I couldn’t stand the uncertainty

So, I stayed put

Stayed in the present

And didn’t progress

I did less and became careless

Of planning my future

Instead, I followed the allure of laziness

Man, I was such a mess

I couldn’t pass the test of life

There were days that I wished I had a knife to end my life

I needed motivation

To turn my life around

But there was only procrastination

On my part

So, I was never going to reach my destination

That was just my observation

I needed a change

But it was out of range

To do so

Because I was my own foe

I was stopping myself from flying

Because I feared dying

Sadly, I’m not lying

But then I realized that I was dying

At an alarming rate

Because I was doing nothing

I needed to change before it was too late

And before my fate was sealed

What did I need to do?

Who should I go to?

Where would the answer lie?

When would I find the answer?

Would I find it before I die?

How long could I endure

Not knowing my future?

Man, I just needed a cure

For the longest, I couldn’t find it

I thought I would never find it

Until I was pushed

By the people that I cared about most

I was almost to die

Had they not come to my rescue

It’s funny how a select few can rescue you

And help you turn your life around

This is true

Cause I’m living proof that it is true

I wonder why it’s true

I guess God knows what he’s doing

When he puts people in your life

And it’s only a matter of time

That you want to get out of the lime-light

And fight to get your life together

And get better

No matter the weather

And trust in God

By just listening to him

And that’s what I did

And that’s all it takes

If you want to fix your mistakes

And move on

To bigger and better things

I’m thankful that I have nothing to fear

When I think about the future

Because I’m sure

That my future is bright

If I just continue to follow the light

You’re always with other people

You give them a smile on their faces

That can only make me sick and vile

Like a tortured prisoner, I need to know

Why are you there for other people but not for me?

Why are you afraid to get close to me but welcome other people?

To other people, you’re a delicate, beautiful rose

To me, I don’t know

You’re unknown like the universe

And I’m alone, I guess that’s my curse

Without having you in my life

You, the impossible treasure

I often wonder what it’s like to have you

I hear that you’re quite the motivator

You know, I could really use you right now

Since I’m alone and depressed like Darth Vader

But you don’t care

You don’t care that I’m losing my mind

You don’t care that I lost my pride

You don’t care that I want to commit suicide

You don’t care, you don’t care, you don’t care

You’re a monster

I hate you and people that have you

Because why can’t I have you?

What’s so wrong with me?

Am I not good enough for you?

Only few can have you?

You, the impossible treasure

A few days ago on Monday, I had went through a series of awkward events.

It was Monday, and I woke up at 10:00 a.m. I made myself some cereal, and I got to watch an episode of the greatest show ever, “The Twilight Zone.” I was happy and content. Then, I looked in my backpack and realized that my day was ruined. I forgot that I had a massive 100-point project due today. Why does school have to ruin everything? It’s not fair! Yeah, my professor gave us a week for a project, and it’s a project that will take a few hours. But, it’s not fair! I can’t help that I’m a procrastinator every now and then, or most of the time. I can’t help it. Awkward.

Anyways, my project wasn’t hard. All I had to do was draw a robot on Adobe Illustrator. I had drew the design of the robot on paper in 30 minutes, and all I had to do was draw it on a computer. Easy, peasy, lemon squeezy, right? Wrong! For some reason, my computer was acting up, and I couldn’t work on my project. Awkward.

I don’t panick though because I thrive under pressure. I realized that I have a photography class at 2:15 that’s in a computer lab, and I could just work on it there. I just have to be there early. I made it to my class at around 1:20, and the room was completely empty. I walked in, got on a computer and started working on my project. While I’m working on my robot, a professor walked past the room and saw me. However, she continued walking. A few seconds later, she came back and looked at me for a very long time. I avoided her look that was just piercing my soul. Why was she staring at me? What did I do? What, can’t a black man be alone in a computer lab? I just continued being focus on my screen like a good student, until she went away. Awkward.

It’s around 1:45, and I was making good progress. It wasn’t until my friends Rose and Felicia came into class. They started pestering me with questions about the photos that were due in our photography class that day. Normally, I don’t mind helping them because I help my friends in any way I can. However, I had my own project to deal with and didn’t have time to be that friend that always helps. Anyways, for photography class, we had to submit two pictures that had patterns. I’ll share my pictures this weekend. Back to the story, I had my pictures ready. I was prepared. Rose and Felicia should’ve been prepared.  Why they got to be procrasinators in college? You can’t be waiting till the last minute to do things. You don’t see me doing that at all. I am always prepared. Wait. Awkward.

Eventually, I end up helping Rose and Felicia out. I’m barely done with my robot, but I can’t help but be the friend that helps out. I help them out as best as I can, but they were doomed. They were about to get bad grades. There was nothing that I could do. They needed a miracle. I helped Felicia first, and then Rose. After I’m done helping Rose out, she wants to tell and show me her nice, beautiful necklace that her boyfriend gave her in Philadelphia. She took a trip to Philadelphia and had a great time with her boyfriend. She talked about what they did in Philadelphia and how romantic it was, but I don’t care. I was trying to get my robot project done. I helped Rose, the least she could do is let me help myself. Nevertheless, I listened to her because I’m a good friend. It turned out that they had a nice time together. I’m glad I got to know that. Then, she wanted to show me pictures of her and him together. I was thinking to myself, “I am never getting this robot done.” I went to Rose’s computer, Rose pulled up pictures on her computer with Felicia next to her. Well, she accidently opened the wrong file and showed me some “interesting” pictures of herself. She wasn’t wearing a lot of clothing, and she was in some “interesting” positions. Awkward.

I can’t lie, it took me a minute to look away. It was hard…to look away. Rose has a very “interesting” body that I can’t help but admire now. She quickly closed the “interesting” pictures up, and I quickly went back to my seat and robot. I just couldn’t believe that I saw “interesting” pictures of my friend. I shouldn’t have seen that side of her. How could I not look away? I don’t know anymore. I can never unsee her being “interesting.” Awkward.

I tried to focus on my robot and forget about Rose’s “interesting” pictures, and I did for a little. However, Felicia didn’t let it go. She asked Rose why she took those pictures, and Rose replied that she was modeling. Felicia asked if they were for agencies, but I guessed that they were for Instagram. Rose said they were. Felicia asked me if I found those photos of Rose “interesting”, and I admittedly said yes. She was shocked to hear this, but I didn’t know why. Also, Felicia was looking at me funny and wanted to ask me something. She didn’t for some reason. Then, I hear her whisper to Rose, “I didn’t know.” I put two and two together and realized the question that she wanted to ask me. I asked her, “Did you think that I was gay?” She admittedly said yes. Awkward.

Immediately, I wanted to know why Felicia thought that I was gay. She explained that when she introduced herself in class and said she had two moms, she saw that I was really excited about that. Also, there was this one time where she thought that I said “yasss” one time about something. Then, I explained myself. First of all, I was only excited because I have friends with two moms, and it was nice to meet another person with two moms. Second of all, I said “yess” not “yass” that one time. Bye, Felicia. She tried to apologize, but the damage was already done. I felt some type of way. Awkward.

My photography class got started at 2:15, and we all had to submit our two pictures to our professor, Mrs. Cowell. Mrs. Cowell can sometimes come off as mean, but she knows photography. Anyways, Felicia, Rose and I submitted our pictures to Mrs. Cowell. As I was working on my robot, my friend Raul came into class. We both created a photo together of patterns and decided to submit them both. Mrs. Cowell showed everyone’s pictures on a projector and started to critique them in front of everyone. Mrs. Cowell said that she hated Felicia’s, Rose’s and other people’s pictures. She was very disappointed in them. At least she was honest. However, she liked Raul’s picture that me and him created together. She admired how natural and mysterious it was. Then, she got to my pictures. She liked my one picture of my pattern of hats, but she didn’t like my picture of what me and Raul created. She said that she didn’t like how staged it was. Raul’s picture was staged, too! We practically had the same picture, but his was better! Raul got an “A” on both of his pictures, but I got an “A” on one picture but a “D” on my picture that we worked on together. Raul saw my grade and laughed at me. I was furious. We had the same picture, but he gets all the praise and the good grade! That’s not fair! I can never create a picture with him again. I hate Raul now. Awkward.

I couldn’t stand Mrs. Cowell after that. I ended up getting an 80% on my pattern project, while the whole class got an average of 55% on the pattern project. Raul and I were the only ones that got good grades on the pattern project. Awkward.

While Mrs. Cowell was teaching in photography class, I was working on my robot. Or at least trying to. My friends Felicia and Rose kept looking at my robot and kept saying, “Kitty cat, kitty cat, kitty cat.” I kept telling them that it wasn’t a kitty cat at all. It was fearsome robot that happened to cat-like features. They were annoying so much with their “kitty cat, kitty cat, kitty cat” chants, and it was just hard to focus. It wasn’t a kitty cat. However, the more that I worked on it, the more it looked like a kitty cat. They were right. Awkward.

I ended up finishing my robot in photography class and thought that it was a pretty robot. Later that day, I went to my graphic design feeling ready to submit my robot. However, when I got into class, I saw that all my classmates robots were way better than mine. They were advanced, and they were clean and crisp. While I thought that my robot was a mess. Awkward.

We eventually submitted our robots to our professor Mr. Jackson. Mr. Jackson is a pretty cool, funny, nice professor. I like him as my professor. Anyways, we all submitted our robots to him. I have this friend in my graphic design class named Patrick, and we joke and make fun of each other all the time. Patrick saw my robot and joked that it was terrible. He even said that I was about to get a “C” on my robot. Thanks Patrick for believing in me. However, the opposite happened. Mr. Jackson saw my robot and loved it. He actually gave me an “A”, but my friend Patrick got a “C” on his project for lack of creativity. Awkward.

Monday was the most awkward day of my life. I never want a day like that ever again. There were just so many twists and turns that day that my body is contorted now. Great joke, right? Awkward.

I hope that Felicia, Rose, Raul, Patrick, Mr. Jackson, Mrs. Cowell never see this blog post. You know why, right? Because that would be so…what’s the word I’m looking for. It’s on the tip of my tongue. I know it, but I just can’t say it. What’s the word I’m looking for. Do you know? Please let me know if you know the word that I’m thinking about. It’s going to bother me all day that I couldn’t figure out the word I was thinking about. Awkward.

Thank you for reading this post on “The Warfield Zone” and hoped you enjoyed it. If you didn’t, then that would be…awkward.

My future is coming soon

It’s waiting to come out of it’s cocoon

I hope it will be bright like a full moon

But I don’t know if that’s possible

Then again, it’s not impossible

If anything, it’s plausible and probable

That my future is set and inevitable

Still, I wish I knew my future

My worries are my sickness, and I need a cure

I need something to make me whole and pure

Who am I kidding, there is no cure

Only a nightmare

What will I be when I’m older?

Will I be bolder or colder?

Will I have my life in order?

Will I fulfill my purpose in life?

Will I have kids and a beautiful wife?

Will I be happy with my life?

Will I change the world?

Or will the world change me?

Will I live to see thirty?

Or will I be old enough to see ninety?

Will God be proud of me?

All these questions I have, I can no longer bear

Would anyone even care?

About my future, my nightmare?

I don’t like the uncertainty

Or the absurdity and deformity

Of my future

And I just want to be sure about my future

I need an answer and cure for my future

Why can’t I know?

Is my future a friend or a foe?

Forget it, I’ll never know

Who am I kidding?

My future wants to remain hidden

And there’s nothing I can do about it

I have to wait till I get hit with my future

Doesn’t seem legit

Should I give a fit?

About my future, my nightmare?

This is what I fear

I fear my future is near

Or perhaps it’s already here

But it’s not clear

I hope I can stop worrying about my future

I just wish I wasn’t unsure

About my future

I wish that I could not care

About my future, my nightmare

There’s this girl on my mind

That makes me believe that love is blind

Because I love how she’s designed

She’s just so sweet, funny and kind

But I know that I need to leave her behind

Because she’s not right for me

But she cannot see

That we’re not meant to be

She still believes that we’re a possibility

And she does not have the ability

Nor the capability

To realize that we’re not meant to be a reality

In all actuality

She wants me to remember

All my times with her

Were something special

And that we have the potential

Together, to be successful

She just wanted me to give us a chance

And give romance a chance

If we want to advance in a relationship

But I’m not interested in a courtship

I just want a friendship

But she doesn’t care

And it’s not fair

I want to tell her that it’s not fair

But I wouldn’t dare

Because I care

My problem is that I care too much

I still care about her warm touch

But I need to forget

Before there’s only regret

And tragedy like in Hamlet

We’re not meant to last long

We’re just the typical, short, love song

But I’m not wrong

We barely have anything in common

No, the truth is she’s too foreign

I know that sounds rotten

I didn’t mean for it to sound rotten

But it’s the truth

She deeply cares about her culture

That’s far different from mine

Like water is to fine wine

We’re not meant to be long-term

If anything, we’re short-term

I’m just thinking about the future

Something that I’m unsure about

But what I am sure about

Is that she’s not the answer or cure to my life

I wish nothing but the best for her

But we can’t be together

We have to go our separate ways

If we want better days

There’s someone out there for the both of us

It’s a must for us to realize this

She is someone that I will miss

I wish that we could’ve shared a simple kiss

And possibly see if love was on our list

But I already knew that it was too risky

And that a kiss wouldn’t have changed anything

If anything, it would’ve made things worse

I just want her to realize that we’re not meant to be

And for her to just leave me alone

I wrote this poem a year ago, and it’s basically about a girl, let’s call her Lilly, that liked me and wanted something more with me. I don’t talk to her anymore because of something that happened between us, but that’s another story. Anyways, the poem talks about how Lilly was funny, smart and sweet. She was this very exotic, pretty girl from an Asian country. Even though Lilly had all of these great, unique qualities that I loved about her, I still didn’t want to be in a relationship with her. The reason is because we couldn’t connect at all. For me, having a connection with someone is important. How can you love someone that you can’t connect with? Lilly was a great girl, but she wasn’t for me. She was a girl that was deeply immersed with her culture, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I actually admired it. I’ve connected with girls with different backgrounds and cultures because I at least had something in common with them. Something that allowed us to connect.  I just didn’t have that feeling or vibe with Lilly. I still wanted to be friends with her, but I never wanted a relationship with her because I knew that it would never work out. Unfortunately, she didn’t see it my way. She still wanted me to give her a chance, and I actually did. We actually went on a date on Christmas but that’s an entirely different story.

Thank you for reading my poem “Just Leave Me Alone” on “The Warfield Zone.” Hope you enjoyed reading this post and hope to see you again on “The Warfield Zone.”

A few weeks ago, I was at Denny’s with one of my best friends. He had just got home from college, and he knew that we had to either go to Denny’s or Applebee’s. It’s tradition for us to either go to Denny’s or Applebee’s and have these intellectual, philosophical arguments with each other. We both love to argue and go at it with each other, and it’s fun and exciting for me to always be right. Truthfully, I’m never wrong. For instance, Pluto is a planet. Here’s why. If you can say once a cheater always a cheater, then I can say once a planet always a planet. Boom, I’m right. Deal with it. End of discussion.

Going back to the story, my friend and I were at Denny’s waiting for our food. While we’re waiting for our food, I bring up the tv show “The Carmichael Show” and a specific episode that I watched. “The Carmichael Show” was an NBC sitcom centered around Jerrod Carmichael, his girlfriend and his family. The show dives into different social and political issues through the perspective of Jerrod Carmichael, his girlfriend and his family.

Anyways, the episode I watched dealt with suicide and suicide assistance. Jerrod Carmichael’s grandmother had decided that she wanted to kill herself. The reason is because she had Alzheimer’s disease, and she was tired of not remembering things. There was disagreement between Jerrod and his family to help his grandma commit suicide, but in the end they ended up helping her kill herself. After I was done explaining the episode to my friend, I posed the question, “Is it morally or ethically right to help someone commit suicide?” And we were off.

We were going back and forth with our arguments. We spent a good 15-20 minutes on the topic, and we ended up just calling it a draw. But I was definitely right, for sure. How could I ever be wrong? But we ended the discussion.

My friend and I started talking about Trump and how he’s doing as president. All of sudden, this old, white lady came to our table wanting to say something. My friend and I were both nervous and didn’t know what to expect. We thought that she was going to say something about us talking about Trump, but she was concerned about the conversation we had about suicide. We quickly assured her that we were just talking about a show, and we were just speaking hypothetically with everything. She was relieved to hear this and left us alone. When she was gone, we started laughing. We were laughing because we thought that she was going to get on us for what we were saying about Trump. We thought that she was going to rant about how great he was and how he was going to “Make America Great Again.” Thank goodness we did not have to hear any of that.

Eventually, we got our food and started eating. While we’re eating, we talk about different stuff like videogames, movies, TV shows, Bitcoin and high school. Pretty much normal conversation. Then, the topic of girls come into the discussion. My friend and I are both single, and we both want to be single. I have my reasons, and he has his reasons. I won’t share them now because that’s an entirely, long different story. Anyways, we somehow end up making a pact, contract and agreement. We made a pact that if I go on four dates with a girl, then he would have to go on one date with a girl. But if he goes on one date before I go on four dates with a girl, then I would have to go on six dates with the same girl. The reason I have to go on four dates is because in my opinion four dates with the same girl means that you’re committed to her. I have never gone on more than four dates with the same girl for a number of reasons. Hopefully, I’ll be able to share those reasons on “The Warfield Zone.” The reason my friend has to go on one date is because he’s never been on a date. Also, if I go on my four dates and he struggles for a month to find someone to go out with, then he has to use Tinder to find a date and vice versa. We ended up making a contract with rules and clauses about who we can and can’t date. We have to date someone that we genuinely like, and we have to provide evidence like pictures, conversations, etc. Finally, we agreed with everything in the contract and ended up shaking hands to solidify our agreement.

Truthfully, I don’t know why we agreed to this, but it doesn’t matter. We made the pact, the contract and the agreement, and all we can do is honor it.