Please Forgive Me

I’m glad that you’re back in my life again.

I’ve missed you so much.

I hated that there was a division between us.

I hated the wall between us.

I longed for your warm touch.

Ironically, it wasn’t that big of a wall.

It was a little wall that was easy to step over.

It’s crazy that I didn’t have to jump over it.

I just had to will myself to the wall.

Sadly, that was easier said than done.

 

There was something in me that never existed before.

It was doubt about you.

I had doubt about us.

I didn’t know if we could be together.

I thought that maybe it was a mistake to have you in my life.

I thought that I didn’t deserve someone like you.

I thought that I wasn’t worthy of you.

I thought that we couldn’t go the distance.

 

I’m glad that we have each other again.

I’m glad that I could finally will myself over that small wall between us.

Thank you for your patience and kindness with me.

I promise to always keep you close to my heart.

Life may have gotten crazy, but it was no excuse to push you away from me.

You’re a part of who I am, and I love who I am when I’m with you.

I’ll hold on to you as long as I can.

Please forgive me for abandoning you.

Please forgive me.

 

Losing You

I’ve lost my joy and passion in you.

How do I get you back into my life?

You used to be everything to me, but now you’re just barely a thought.

I miss having you in my life.

 

You’ve gotten me through the worst times in my life.

Now, I’m more lost without you.

Now, I’m more depressed without you.

Now, I’m more lonely without you.

Now, I’m more broken without you.

 

I pray that you can return to me.

I miss your ever so warm touch.

You gave me a feeling like no other.

No one could ever replace you because you mean the world to me.

You’re my best friend.

You’re a love like no other.

You’re my therapist that I can always count on in my darkest of days.

 

You’ve helped me in more ways than I can count.

How did I lose you?

Why are you no longer in my life?

I guess life is the answer to my question.

Life just complicated things between us.

Life just pushed us apart.

Life just took you away from me.

 

The agony is too much now.

Only you can help ease the pain.

Only you can help me release what needs to be released.

Please, tell me how can I get you back?

 

Losing you means something worse.

Losing you means a more terrible nightmare is in store for me.

Losing you means dreams can never be a reality for me.

Losing you means losing myself.

Silence in a Dark Place

I’m alone in the dark with nowhere to go.

I aimlessly run forward further into the darkness.

I long to find an ending.

I hope it’s of comfort and warmth, but I fear it will be an unfamiliar place.

A place of nightmares.

A place of suffering.

A place of terror.

A place of horror.

How could one survive such a place?

I pray for an answer, but I get no response.

God’s silence is deafening.

 

I’m running but to no purpose.

There’s nothing waiting for me but total darkness.

Yet, I still run, but I don’t know why.

I want to stop, but I can’t.

I’m coughing blood, and I start slowing down.

My body wants me to stop, but I can’t.

My spirit just keeps pushing me.

 

I start crying because I know what’s going to happen.

I know how my story’s going to end.

It will end with me not making to my destination.

It will end with me not knowing what I was running towards.

I wonder if I was even close.

Or was I too far away from the light at the end of this never-ending tunnel of darkness?

I pray to God again one last time for answer, but I get no response.

There’s only silence in a dark place.

 

Shawna-Mama

For years, you have been such a blessing to me.

I’m so thankful and blessed to have you in my heart for so long.

I’ll always love your random hugs and kisses you give me.

They’re just right, and they’re the most natural.

They just mean so much to me.

They uplift me, and they let me know that I am good enough for you.

 

Sometimes it’s easy to talk to you, while other times are a struggle.

It just depends on the topic.

We argue and fight like crazy, but we also laugh and talk like crazy.

There are days that I don’t understand you, but there are days that we are in sync.

We have our good and bad days, but I know we have better days ahead of us.

We can be inconsistent, but our love for each other will always be consistent.

 

I want to protect you from this world.

I don’t want it to burn out the bright light you have in your heart.

I pray that you’re strong enough to fight this world.

I pray that you find happiness.

I pray that you discover success in the most unimaginable places.

I pray that you accomplish all your goals in life.

I pray that we will always be close.

 

You’re gonna be so amazing in this world.

There’s no reason for me to worry about you at all.

It’s been such an honor being your big brother.

You taught me so much as a big brother, and I don’t know how to repay you.

I can probably repay you with some Flamin’ Hot Fries.

There’s so much time that we have together, and I’m excited for our journey together.

You’re my sister that I’ll always hold onto.

I love you so much, Shawna-Mama.

 

This is the end of the poem “Shawna-Mama.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this poem dedicated to my little sister Shawna. I love you so much Shawna-mama and hope you have a great birthday Oct. 1. It’s been such an amazing experience being your big brother, and I can’t wait to see where life takes as you’re getting older.

This week, I will be posting and sharing two short stories. On Tuesday, I will be sharing and posting the short story “Another Petty-ish Moment.” On Thursday, I will be sharing and posting the short story “Preferences: Part Two.”

Next week, I will finally be posting and sharing the six-part horror story “The White Mask” in the Dark Colors series.

 

 

 

Lost and Forgotten

I wish that I could be better.

I pray every day to be better.

I wonder what’s taking God so long.

Why doesn’t He want to help me right now?

Why does He have to be so quiet, while everything around me is so loud and clear?

 

I guess it takes patience and time with God.

Also, what am I expecting Him to do?

To just magically make my troubles go away?

I don’t think it works like that.

I wish more than anything that it did though.

It would be so much easier for me.

 

God, I’m sorry that I’m struggling right now.

God, I’m sorry that I can’t lift the weight off my shoulders.

God, I’m sorry that I can only do so much.

God, I’m sorry that my spirit is weak.

God, I’m sorry for who I am right now.

 

How could be going through this right now?

Now’s not a good time.

I’m broken, and I’m in desperate need of healing.

 

I can’t let people help me, especially those close to me.

They can’t see this side of me.

It’s shameful and disgusting.

I’m supposed to be this perfect image for them.

I have to be, otherwise who am I?

I’ll just hide the pain, the struggling and the hurt I’m feeling.

I’ll just pretend I’m fine because it’s the best thing to do for everyone.

I have to think about others, before I think about myself.

 

I want to be better, but I don’t think it’s possible.

I think I got a long, grueling road ahead of me.

Can I make it to the end of it?

I don’t know.

I hope I can, but I don’t think that’s enough.

Will God help me a little more?

I don’t know.

It just feels like I’m lost and forgotten.

 

This is the end of the poem “Lost and Forgotten.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this poem.

This weekend, I will be sharing and posting poetry dedicated to my little sister Shawna in honor of her birthday October 1.

 

 

 

 

Please, Help Me Believe

It’s getting harder and harder to hold on to you.

I’m sorry that I’m complaining.

I’m sorry that I’m not strong enough to still hold on to you.

The weight is too much for me.

I know I have to find a way, but I can’t.

Help me, please.

 

You’re precious to me, but you require so much from me.

I have to believe in you, even when there’s no reason to.

I have to believe in you when others tell me not to.

I have to believe in you like I believe in God.

Please, help me believe in you.

 

Please, let me breathe.

I know you’re meant to help me breathe, but I’m suffocating with you in my life.

I swear if the world wasn’t always hurting me, you wouldn’t mean anything to me.

I hate that I need you so much.

 

You’re such a dangerous thing.

You make me go mad.

It’s a shame that I can’t rely on reason and logic.

You’re the only way to salvation

 

I remember someone once said you’re a good thing.

Maybe even the best thing.

But it’s just so hard to see that now.

I don’t know who you are anymore, and I can’t see the good in you.

Please, help me.

 

I long to see your beauty again.

I want to embrace you and hold you tight.

But, I’m barely holding on to you right now.

I’m so close to falling to my death.

My grip to you is slowly slipping.

I’m trying to hold on to you for dear life.

I’m trying to find the strength to pull myself up to you, but I’m stuck in the same place.

There’s just no way out of it.

 

Please, just show me the way.

Please, just give me a reason to trust in you.

Why are you just holding my hand?

Please, pull me up before I descend into madness.

Why can’t you do that?

Why do I have to do all the work?

 

I guess it really is all on me.

I mean, you are helping me stay alive.

Maybe you’re trying to help me up, but you just can’t.

Maybe the gravity or weight of the world is strong like you.

Maybe they’re not as strong as you, but strong enough to keep me in the same place.

 

I guess it doesn’t help that I’m doing nothing but hanging in there.

I guess I can’t blame you because you’re keeping me alive.

I thank you for that.

I do need you in my life, and you’re true to me and many others in the world.

Please, help me believe in you.

 

 

Zaiah Bear

I can’t help but smile when I’m with you.

It’s just something that I can’t avoid.

You just know how to make me smile and show off my dimples.

You tell the funniest, corniest jokes ever, and I can’t help but laugh at them.

How did you have such an effect on me?

I guess it has something to do with you being in my life for so long.

 

You were always committed to me.

You were always giving me joy, laughter and love.

My memories of you are pure, and they can never be tainted.

They will last a lifetime.

 

Thank you for never making excuses.

Thank you for never disappointing me.

Thank you for never hurting me.

Thank you for always being by my side.

 

I honestly don’t know what my life would be like without you.

Like my mom and grandpa, you’ve always been a fire for me.

You’ve kept me warm and comforted for years.

I’m thankful and blessed to have a strong relationship with you.

God truly knew what He was doing when He put you in my life.

Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.

You’ll always hold a special place in my heart.

Zaiah Bear loves you so much, grandma.

 

This is the end of the poem “Zaiah Bear.”