Please, Help Me Believe

It’s getting harder and harder to hold on to you.

I’m sorry that I’m complaining.

I’m sorry that I’m not strong enough to still hold on to you.

The weight is too much for me.

I know I have to find a way, but I can’t.

Help me, please.

You’re precious to me, but you require so much from me.

I have to believe in you, even when there’s no reason to.

I have to believe in you when others tell me not to.

I have to believe in you like I believe in God.

Please, help me believe in you.

Please, let me breathe.

I know you’re meant to help me breathe, but I’m suffocating with you in my life.

I swear if the world wasn’t always hurting me, you wouldn’t mean anything to me.

I hate that I need you so much.

You’re such a dangerous thing.

You make me go mad.

It’s a shame that I can’t rely on reason and logic.

You’re the only way to salvation

I remember someone once said you’re a good thing.

Maybe even the best thing.

But it’s just so hard to see that now.

I don’t know who you are anymore, and I can’t see the good in you.

Please, help me.

I long to see your beauty again.

I want to embrace you and hold you tight.

But, I’m barely holding on to you right now.

I’m so close to falling to my death.

My grip to you is slowly slipping.

I’m trying to hold on to you for dear life.

I’m trying to find the strength to pull myself up to you, but I’m stuck in the same place.

There’s just no way out of it.

Please, just show me the way.

Please, just give me a reason to trust in you.

Why are you just holding my hand?

Please, pull me up before I descend into madness.

Why can’t you do that?

Why do I have to do all the work?

I guess it really is all on me.

I mean, you are helping me stay alive.

Maybe you’re trying to help me up, but you just can’t.

Maybe the gravity or weight of the world is strong like you.

Maybe they’re not as strong as you, but strong enough to keep me in the same place.

I guess it doesn’t help that I’m doing nothing but hanging in there.

I guess I can’t blame you because you’re keeping me alive.

I thank you for that.

I do need you in my life, and you’re true to me and many others in the world.

Please, help me believe in you.

Zaiah Bear

I can’t help but smile when I’m with you.

It’s just something that I can’t avoid.

You just know how to make me smile and show off my dimples.

You tell the funniest, corniest jokes ever, and I can’t help but laugh at them.

How did you have such an effect on me?

I guess it has something to do with you being in my life for so long.

You were always committed to me.

You were always giving me joy, laughter and love.

My memories of you are pure, and they can never be tainted.

They will last a lifetime.

Thank you for never making excuses.

Thank you for never disappointing me.

Thank you for never hurting me.

Thank you for always being by my side.

I honestly don’t know what my life would be like without you.

Like my mom and grandpa, you’ve always been a fire for me.

You’ve kept me warm and comforted for years.

I’m thankful and blessed to have a strong relationship with you.

God truly knew what He was doing when He put you in my life.

Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.

You’ll always hold a special place in my heart.

Zaiah Bear loves you so much, grandma.

This is the end of the poem “Zaiah Bear.”

I’ll Never Know

I found myself thinking about you today.

It’s hard to remember the good days that we had together.

Sadly, I can only remember our bad days.

I guess disappointment is stronger than happiness.

I want to remember the joy you gave me, I truly do.

However, I’m distracted by the pain you’re inflicting on me.

When will it end?

I wish we had more good days together.

I wish that you knew that it’s not too late to make a change.

I wish that we could have a life together.

Sadly, it’s not possible because you don’t believe nothing’s wrong with you.

You believe that you’re perfect just the way you are.

It’s the world that’s the problem, right?

It’s the world that caused you to never learn.

It’s the world that caused you to make the mistakes that you made.

It’s the world that caused you to be who you are.

How can you change when the world is against you?

When I was young, I thought you were the best thing in my life.

I was so proud and unashamed to have you in my life.

I didn’t care what others said about you.

I only cared about what you thought about yourself.

You sold yourself well to me like a used cars salesman.

You told me what I wanted to hear.

You showed me what I wanted to see.

However, you didn’t give me what I needed.

Why couldn’t you be honest with me?

Why did I have to find out the truth about you the hard way?

I tried to keep my faith strong in you, but it was a struggle.

I was constantly disappointed by the lies you masked as truth.

Years and years passed, and I could no longer see you anymore.

I saw only a stranger that so many people knew.

Why did it take me so long to see your true colors?

Why didn’t I see it sooner?

How could you not be who I wanted you to be?

It hurts that I have to distance myself from you, but it’s a necessity.

You bring out the worst in me, don’t you see?

No, you’ll never see that.

You’ll only see what you want to see.

You’ll only believe that you’re the best thing for me right now.

I’m doing so great without you, can’t you be happy for me?

Or do you need all the praise, honor and glory for your own selfish desires?

Why can’t you see what others and I see in you so clearly?

I fear I’ll never know.

This is the end of the poem “I’ll Never Know.”

In honor of my Grandma Mollie’s birthday this week August 21, all writings this week will be dedicated to her. On Tuesday, I will be posting “Movies with Grandma.” On Thursday, I will be posting “Getting Too Greedy.” Then, I will be posting two poems about my awesome, loving grandma on Saturday and Sunday.