My Conversation With God

Why do I pray to you every single day?

Is it because I’m required to?

Is it because I’m trying to get something I want that only you can give me?

Or is it for a specific reason?

Please, give me the answer.

Am I praying because religion requires it for me to get into Heaven?

Am I praying because I have to place my hopes, wishes and dreams in you?

Am I praying because it will help me fulfill a specific purpose in my life?

I don’t know, but I hope that I can find the answer for myself.

I’ve lost my faith in religion, I hope that doesn’t offend you.

It’s just that I recognized that I can’t rely on church to get me closer to you.

There are too many rules, politics, judgement and discrimination involved within the church that make it hard to get close to you.

Please forgive me when I say that church is not the gateway to you.

Instead, I think that it’s a dangerous tool.

However, I still want to use it but with caution.

But I recognize that it’s not the answer to you.

Only my faith and relationship with you is the answer.

I hope that you’re with everyone that I care about.

I hope that you’re with everyone that has hurt me in different ways.

I hope that you’re with everyone that needs you right now.

I hope that you can give them all the strength to fight the demons that they’re dealing with that I have knowledge and little knowledge about.

I hope and pray.

As our conversation is coming to an end, I want you to know that I love you with all my heart.

I’m not ashamed of having you in my life.

You’re the one thing that has helped me believe in myself.

You taught me that hard work, patience and dedication will lead to the miracles in my life.

I thank you for the strength you’ve given me to go get my blessings that you established in my life.

Thank you for all the things you have done in my life.

And thank you for this conversation.

No One Like You

When I’m with other girls, I think about you.

I compare you to them, and I’m disappointed with the results.

I wonder why they can’t be like you?

Why they can’t put my mind at ease like you can?

Why they can’t hold me like you can?

Why they can’t kiss me like you can?

Why is it so hard with them, but it was easy with you?

I know that we didn’t fall in love, but we were close.

I remember that night in your room where love was patiently waiting for us.

I knew that if we took things further that night, love would be certain in our relationship.

You were all over me, and your kisses were different.

They wanted something more from me.

They wanted every part of my body, and they were hard to resist.

The taste of your lips was irresistible to me.

I couldn’t stop sucking and licking them.

They were just like candy.

So sweet and so delicious.

They knew how to treat me right.

Why can’t other lips be like your lips?

We almost make love a reality, but I push you away at the last minute.

You understand, but you’re hurt.

How could I not give love a chance with you?

Sadly, I was bound to the fears and rules that shaped me.

God was so proud of me, but I was disappointed in myself.

I try to tell you that you did nothing wrong, but you don’t believe me.

Instead, you want me to leave.

I do as you wish and leave you alone.

How could I be so foolish with you?

How could I not take things further with you?

How could I not allow myself to fall in love with you?

I know I was young, but I could’ve done better.

That night with you always haunts me because you could’ve been the first girl I ever loved.

I fear that you were the one that was supposed to be my everything.

I fear that you were my one chance at love.

I fear that you will always be a nightmare.

I fear that no one will ever be like you.

Pure Imagination, I Wish

This room? Although it was a small, cramped room,
You always managed to make it big and wondrous
Like Wonderland for time was all messed up,
Time had gone mad and jazz was the only thing that made sense.

I remember all the unnecessary papers
Stacked and spread around like skyscrapers in a city,
There was no room to explore this confined, yet marvelous city
That you designed.

As the sound of your saxophone went wild in this world,
I found myself in paradise.
As a young boy, I was exposed to a world of pure imagination,
I was lost, but I was not afraid.

A few years passed, a new sound entered this universe,
It was the sound of percussion.
I thought the loud drums didn’t belong,
It couldn’t compare to your loving saxophone.

When I became a young man, the drums and saxophone were in-sync,
And we were the kings,
Our empire was glorious as we ruled it together,
Sadly, kingdoms don’t last forever.

You got older and forgot this world,
It wasn’t your fault, it was a cruel disease that murdered your sweet mind
A mind that shared love, wisdom and strength to me,
Reduced to confusion and terror.

I wish those days together with you would come back once more,
I wish this room was more than a room again,
I wish we could create sweet music together once more,
Why did those days ever have to go?

This is the end of the poem.

This poem is dedicated to my late Grandpa Jerry. His birthday was on Friday, and I was debating if I really wanted to share this poem that’s personal to me. However, the untimely death of NBA legend Kobe Bryant changed my mind because this is a poem about cherishing the moments and times that we have with our loved ones and to live a life of love and happiness. We can’t press the rewind button on life, and we have to treat every day as if it was our last day on this earth. I had great, loving moments with my grandpa that I’ll never forget. I cherish all the days that we had together because they helped shape who I am. My grandpa showed me the strength of faith, the beauty of writing, the magic of music and so much more. I love my grandpa so much, and I just wish those days with him would come back once.

Please Forgive Me

I’m glad that you’re back in my life again.

I’ve missed you so much.

I hated that there was a division between us.

I hated the wall between us.

I longed for your warm touch.

Ironically, it wasn’t that big of a wall.

It was a little wall that was easy to step over.

It’s crazy that I didn’t have to jump over it.

I just had to will myself to the wall.

Sadly, that was easier said than done.

There was something in me that never existed before.

It was doubt about you.

I had doubt about us.

I didn’t know if we could be together.

I thought that maybe it was a mistake to have you in my life.

I thought that I didn’t deserve someone like you.

I thought that I wasn’t worthy of you.

I thought that we couldn’t go the distance.

I’m glad that we have each other again.

I’m glad that I could finally will myself over that small wall between us.

Thank you for your patience and kindness with me.

I promise to always keep you close to my heart.

Life may have gotten crazy, but it was no excuse to push you away from me.

You’re a part of who I am, and I love who I am when I’m with you.

I’ll hold on to you as long as I can.

Please forgive me for abandoning you.

Please forgive me.

Losing You

I’ve lost my joy and passion in you.

How do I get you back into my life?

You used to be everything to me, but now you’re just barely a thought.

I miss having you in my life.

You’ve gotten me through the worst times in my life.

Now, I’m more lost without you.

Now, I’m more depressed without you.

Now, I’m more lonely without you.

Now, I’m more broken without you.

I pray that you can return to me.

I miss your ever so warm touch.

You gave me a feeling like no other.

No one could ever replace you because you mean the world to me.

You’re my best friend.

You’re a love like no other.

You’re my therapist that I can always count on in my darkest of days.

You’ve helped me in more ways than I can count.

How did I lose you?

Why are you no longer in my life?

I guess life is the answer to my question.

Life just complicated things between us.

Life just pushed us apart.

Life just took you away from me.

The agony is too much now.

Only you can help ease the pain.

Only you can help me release what needs to be released.

Please, tell me how can I get you back?

Losing you means something worse.

Losing you means a more terrible nightmare is in store for me.

Losing you means dreams can never be a reality for me.

Losing you means losing myself.

Silence in a Dark Place

I’m alone in the dark with nowhere to go.

I aimlessly run forward further into the darkness.

I long to find an ending.

I hope it’s of comfort and warmth, but I fear it will be an unfamiliar place.

A place of nightmares.

A place of suffering.

A place of terror.

A place of horror.

How could one survive such a place?

I pray for an answer, but I get no response.

God’s silence is deafening.

I’m running but to no purpose.

There’s nothing waiting for me but total darkness.

Yet, I still run, but I don’t know why.

I want to stop, but I can’t.

I’m coughing blood, and I start slowing down.

My body wants me to stop, but I can’t.

My spirit just keeps pushing me.

I start crying because I know what’s going to happen.

I know how my story’s going to end.

It will end with me not making to my destination.

It will end with me not knowing what I was running towards.

I wonder if I was even close.

Or was I too far away from the light at the end of this never-ending tunnel of darkness?

I pray to God again one last time for answer, but I get no response.

There’s only silence in a dark place.

Lost and Forgotten

I wish that I could be better.

I pray every day to be better.

I wonder what’s taking God so long.

Why doesn’t He want to help me right now?

Why does He have to be so quiet, while everything around me is so loud and clear?

I guess it takes patience and time with God.

Also, what am I expecting Him to do?

To just magically make my troubles go away?

I don’t think it works like that.

I wish more than anything that it did though.

It would be so much easier for me.

God, I’m sorry that I’m struggling right now.

God, I’m sorry that I can’t lift the weight off my shoulders.

God, I’m sorry that I can only do so much.

God, I’m sorry that my spirit is weak.

God, I’m sorry for who I am right now.

How could be going through this right now?

Now’s not a good time.

I’m broken, and I’m in desperate need of healing.

I can’t let people help me, especially those close to me.

They can’t see this side of me.

It’s shameful and disgusting.

I’m supposed to be this perfect image for them.

I have to be, otherwise who am I?

I’ll just hide the pain, the struggling and the hurt I’m feeling.

I’ll just pretend I’m fine because it’s the best thing to do for everyone.

I have to think about others, before I think about myself.

I want to be better, but I don’t think it’s possible.

I think I got a long, grueling road ahead of me.

Can I make it to the end of it?

I don’t know.

I hope I can, but I don’t think that’s enough.

Will God help me a little more?

I don’t know.

It just feels like I’m lost and forgotten.

This is the end of the poem “Lost and Forgotten.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this poem.

This weekend, I will be sharing and posting poetry dedicated to my little sister Shawna in honor of her birthday October 1.

Please, Help Me Believe

It’s getting harder and harder to hold on to you.

I’m sorry that I’m complaining.

I’m sorry that I’m not strong enough to still hold on to you.

The weight is too much for me.

I know I have to find a way, but I can’t.

Help me, please.

You’re precious to me, but you require so much from me.

I have to believe in you, even when there’s no reason to.

I have to believe in you when others tell me not to.

I have to believe in you like I believe in God.

Please, help me believe in you.

Please, let me breathe.

I know you’re meant to help me breathe, but I’m suffocating with you in my life.

I swear if the world wasn’t always hurting me, you wouldn’t mean anything to me.

I hate that I need you so much.

You’re such a dangerous thing.

You make me go mad.

It’s a shame that I can’t rely on reason and logic.

You’re the only way to salvation

I remember someone once said you’re a good thing.

Maybe even the best thing.

But it’s just so hard to see that now.

I don’t know who you are anymore, and I can’t see the good in you.

Please, help me.

I long to see your beauty again.

I want to embrace you and hold you tight.

But, I’m barely holding on to you right now.

I’m so close to falling to my death.

My grip to you is slowly slipping.

I’m trying to hold on to you for dear life.

I’m trying to find the strength to pull myself up to you, but I’m stuck in the same place.

There’s just no way out of it.

Please, just show me the way.

Please, just give me a reason to trust in you.

Why are you just holding my hand?

Please, pull me up before I descend into madness.

Why can’t you do that?

Why do I have to do all the work?

I guess it really is all on me.

I mean, you are helping me stay alive.

Maybe you’re trying to help me up, but you just can’t.

Maybe the gravity or weight of the world is strong like you.

Maybe they’re not as strong as you, but strong enough to keep me in the same place.

I guess it doesn’t help that I’m doing nothing but hanging in there.

I guess I can’t blame you because you’re keeping me alive.

I thank you for that.

I do need you in my life, and you’re true to me and many others in the world.

Please, help me believe in you.

The Old Man at the Beach

Hey y’all, sorry that it’s been a minute since I posted on the Warfield Zone. I found myself needing to take a little break and focus on my senior year of college, my relationship with God and other things as well. Anyways, I’m back, and I’m ready to share some of my stories with you all. A story that comes to mind and kind of connects with another story that I will be sharing this week as well is “The Old Man at the Beach.”

This summer, my family and I took a trip to Virginia Beach. It was the end of June, and it was exciting for me because I had never been to Virginia Beach. I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew that I was gonna have a great time with my family. Also, I made sure to bring my camera with me as well because I knew that I could get a lot of great pictures for my photography shop Eyes Haven’t Seen. For me, it was gonna be a very productive vacation.

My family and I would be in Virginia Beach for a couple of days, and it consisted of us making a lot of great memories with each other. However, one day spent at the beach is where I would meet an interesting, old man.

It was a hot, summer day at Virginia Beach. My family and I were excited to go to the beach and enjoy the sand, the sun and the ocean. The weather was a perfect 90 degrees. I remember the wind blowing perfectly and the ocean looking so pretty. Luckily, my family and I found a great spot on the beach to claim, chill and relax. I had my Canon E0S Rebel T6 with me, so I knew that I was gonna take some amazing pictures. I had on a T-shirt, swim trunks and sandals. I decided to take my shirt off and go take some pictures. I told my mom that I was just gonna roam around the beach and take some pictures. My mom said alright, and I went to take some pictures.

As I was walking around the beach taking photos, I realized that I had left my phone with my family. At first, I was thinking about going back to get it, but then I thought that it wasn’t necessary because I wasn’t going to be gone too long. Sadly, I was wrong.

I was taking pictures, and I saw that I was kind of far away from my family. I was thinking about being done taking photographs and heading back to my family, but I thought that I could use a hundred more photographs in my camera.

Anyways, I’m taking more pics in an area that has a few people in it. There’s a guy sitting down on a bench and another guy is just standing and looking at the ocean view. While I’m still taking pictures, I’m approached by this old, black man. He was wearing some shades, a hat, a nice watch, pink shorts and some sandals. He had a fat belly and a little white beard. Anyways, he came over to me and asked if I wanted to take some pictures of him. I told him that I was fine, but then he got a little closer to me. He asked again if I was sure, and I told him again that I was fine. He was uncomfortably close to me, and I kind of felt trapped. Then, he said, “Can I just say that you are a very handsome, young man? Also, very strong. Do you work out a lot?”

Before I could answer, he ended up touching my arms and shoulders. He even patted my stomach a little and said, “Oh yeah, you definitely work out a lot.”

He ended up laughing, and I laughed a little and said, “No, just a little. I just work out like two or three times a week.”

He started laughing, but I kind of just gave a chuckle. I was really nervous and uncomfortable with him, and I just really wanted him to give me some space and to stop touching me. I tried to walk away, but then he said, “Hey, do you wanna smoke some weed with me? It’s back at my car, and it’s some good stuff.”

I replied, “Oh no thank you, I don’t smoke weed.”

I chuckled, but he walked up on me all serious and said, “Don’t you lie to me. I know you smoke weed. I can see it in your eyes. Why don’t you wanna smoke with me?”

I took a step back because he was really close to me, and I said, “Again, sir, I don’t smoke weed.”

“Why are you lying to me? I know you like weed. There’s no way that you don’t smoke weed. I don’t believe it,” he said.

He was still looking serious, and I was still a little scared. He just seemed very insulted that I didn’t want to smoke with him, so I said, “Yeah sir, I don’t smoke weed. Also, I’m vacationing with my family and—

“Oh, I know. I saw you with your family. You’re family is quite lovely. When I saw you walking away from them with your camera, I was hoping to bump into you,” the old man interrupted.

That was kind of a little creepy and stalker-ish to me. I just wanted to get away from him, but I couldn’t. We ended up talking another ten minutes just about each other, and I just really wished that I had my phone with me. I would’ve used it to call my mom or something. Anyways, we ended up talking about music and the instruments we played. I told him how I played the drums, and he explained that he played seven different instruments. Then, he pointed in the opposite direction and explained that his house wasn’t too far from here. He said, “If you want, we can go back to my place, have a little jam session cause I have a lot of instruments with me and maybe smoke some weed.”

He was so adamant about smoking weed with me, and it just made me uncomfortable. I really just wanted to get away from him. Then, he abruptly asked me if I was seeing someone. I quickly responded, “Yes sir, I am seeing someone. An amazing girl that I’m just so in love with right now.”

Then, he said, “Aww that’s sweet, what’s her name and what’s she like?”

Now, there wasn’t a girl that I was deeply in love with at all in my life. I was just saying that because it was more convenient to stretch the truth in this situation that I was in with this old man. So, I said, “Yeah, her name is Denise and she’s just the most special girl in my life right now. I couldn’t imagine life without her.”

“Aww that’s sweet, is it new and fresh,” the old man asked.

I said, “Well, kind of. We’ve been together for six months, but I can tell that she’s the one that I’m gonna marry. I’m actually planning on proposing to her soon. I just don’t want to wait any longer with her, and I’m ready to commit to her. I love her with all my heart. Also, she’s kind of my weed partner in crime.”

We both laughed, and he said, “Aww, so that’s why you don’t wanna smoke with me. Do you have any pictures of her?”

I replied, “Yeah, I have lots of pictures of her and us together, but I don’t have my phone with me. Otherwise, I would show you all the pictures.”

We ended up talking a little more with each other, but he eventually had to leave. I was relieved, and I ended up rushing back to my family. I told my mom what happened, and she was happy to know that I was safe and away from the old man.

This is the end of “The Old Man at the Beach.”

Zaiah Bear

I can’t help but smile when I’m with you.

It’s just something that I can’t avoid.

You just know how to make me smile and show off my dimples.

You tell the funniest, corniest jokes ever, and I can’t help but laugh at them.

How did you have such an effect on me?

I guess it has something to do with you being in my life for so long.

You were always committed to me.

You were always giving me joy, laughter and love.

My memories of you are pure, and they can never be tainted.

They will last a lifetime.

Thank you for never making excuses.

Thank you for never disappointing me.

Thank you for never hurting me.

Thank you for always being by my side.

I honestly don’t know what my life would be like without you.

Like my mom and grandpa, you’ve always been a fire for me.

You’ve kept me warm and comforted for years.

I’m thankful and blessed to have a strong relationship with you.

God truly knew what He was doing when He put you in my life.

Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.

You’ll always hold a special place in my heart.

Zaiah Bear loves you so much, grandma.

This is the end of the poem “Zaiah Bear.”