On My Mind

Every time I’m progressing,

I find that I want to revert back to you.

You’re comfortable,

You’re easy,

You’re a sweet relief,

But then I remember how toxic you are for me.

You’re a distraction for me,

You have no purpose in my life now,

You’re just a reminder that I’m weak.

It’s sad that I don’t have the will power to completely let you go.

Oddly enough,

I depend on you,

I count on you when I’m tired,

I count on you as a backup option,

I count on you when I’m afraid of what’s in front of me.

I can’t keep doing that.

I have to let go of my dependence on you,

But I can’t do it just yet.

For now,

I just try my best to resist you every day.

Maybe one day you’ll no longer be on my mind.

Leaving You Behind

I want you to know that I’m hurting too,

It’s not easy to ignore you

Or push you away,

But I found that I’m happier without you.

I can see the joy in life clearly,

And I want to experience more of it.

I just want to think about myself,

I just want to take care of myself,

I don’t want to worry about you anymore,

Maybe I’m wrong for having this selfish mentality,

But something tells me I’m not entirely wrong.

Something tells me I deserve to treat myself right,

After putting you first each and every time.

I’m missing you,

But I’m not needing you anymore.

I’m changing and growing in a better way.

Surely you can be happy for me,

But I know you want me to think about you.

Maybe someday I’ll come back for you,

But for now I’m leaving you behind.

Unhealed Scars

You don’t want your scars to fade away

Or be somewhat healed.

You want to showcase them,

You want to show how messed up and brutal they are to the world,

But you especially want me to see them.

You want me to feel bad for you,

You want me to feel your pain,

You want me to feel your struggle,

I did feel those things for years because it mattered to you,

But I just can’t anymore.



I’m repulsed and disgusted by the scars I’ve seen for years,

That’s the truth.

It makes me sick that you’re addicted to your scars.

Why do you hold on to them?

Can’t you see that’s the reason I keep my distance?

You just refuse to see the truth,

You’re too absorbed with your scars,

You’re too obsessed with your scars,

You’re too dependent with your scars,

You say your scars hurt every time you talk to me,

But make no effort to treat them.



I used to believe there was more to you than just your scars.

I used to believe in a different person.

A person I sincerely wanted in my life,

But now you’re almost unrecognizable to me,

And I don’t want you in my life

Because all you show me are your unhealed scars.

Ending a Journey

It’s so easy to end a journey

Why is that?

I think it’s easy because it’s always your choice,

When you want it to end.

Maybe you want to end your journey at the very beginning,

Because you realized early on the journey wasn’t really meant for you.

Maybe you’re tired of your journey,

And you just want to quit for sweet relief.

Maybe you reached your destination,

And the journey fulfilled its purpose.

Maybe there was no real reason why you ended a journey,

It just happened randomly.

But you’re always in control of when your journey ends,

You can always choose your ending.

Like it or not,

You’re the one in charge.

You’re the one that reaches the end.

No one can tell you when you reached the end.

Only you know when.

Only you can be satisfied with the ending,

Only you can be disappointed with the ending.

Ending a journey brings out the truth in us.

Ending a journey can be sad.

Ending a journey can be rewarding.

Enduring a Journey

It’s so easy to hate a journey

Why is that?

I think it’s because it’s easy to gravitate to the things we can control.

For instance,

A journey can become long, tiring and unbearable.

When that happens,

It’s hard to be determined,

It’s hard to be positive,

It’s hard to be grateful,

It’s hard to be faithful,

It’s hard to be the best version of yourself,

When you have no idea when your journey will come to an end.

The things you once controlled are no longer safely with you.

They’re either gone forever,

Or they’ll make some appearances here and there on your journey,

So what do you do?

Naturally,

You gravitate towards negativity,

You gravitate towards sadness,

You gravitate towards laziness,

You gravitate towards fear,

You know these things won’t help you in your journey,

But they’re the things you can have control over in the middle of your journey.

They comfort and distract your from your journey.

Enduring a journey brings out the worst in us.

Enduring a journey can be scary.

Enduring a journey can be hard.

Starting a Journey

It’s so easy to start a journey

Why is that?

I think it’s because beginnings are easy to control,

We can control how determined we are,

We can control our feelings and attitudes,

We can even control our perspective,

Everything is in our control.

And we know how we want our journey to start and end.

We have set plans and goals for our journey,

We think we’re prepared,

We think we have everything we need,

All packed in a suitcase.

Starting a journey brings out the best in us.

Starting a journey is exciting.

Starting a journey is easy.

A Familiar Shadow: Part Five

Jaden and Marvin have been living in Jeremy’s house for a few weeks now. Jeremy lives in the house as well, but they never see him at all. In fact, they’ve never seen him before. If anything, they mostly see his shadow lurking and creaking through the hallways at night in the house. This was Jeremy’s request to Jaden and Marvin. Jeremy wanted them to be in their rooms from 12:00 am – 3:00 am, so that he could roam the house freely at night. Marvin did not care about the request, but it was strange to Jaden. Plus, there was something strangely familiar about Jeremy to Jaden. He just couldn’t figure it out. 

It’s close to midnight, and Jaden and Marvin are playing Mortal Kombat together in Marvin’s room. Jaden still has not forgotten about the fact that Marvin nearly choked him out to be in this house. He desperately wants to get far away from Marvin, but he fears that he’s trapped. However, Jaden is doing his best to keep things normal and casual with Marvin. Jaden does not want to anger Marvin again.  

They’ve been playing Mortal Kombat for a few hours now, and they’re on their last match of the night. Marvin is using Sub Zero, while Jaden is using Lui Kang. While they’re playing, Jaden hears the floor creak outside of Marvin’s room. Jaden takes a quick look, but he sees nothing but a person’s shadow on the hardwood floor. Jaden thought to himself that it had to be Jeremy’s shadow. It’s not midnight yet, so Jaden wonders why Jeremy is outside his room at this hour. 

Before he can think about it any further, there’s a loud yell from Marvin as he ends up beating Jaden the third round in Mortal Kombat. 

“Let’s go! I am the greatest of all time! No one can stop me,” Marvin yells. 

“Be quiet, I just got a little distracted,” Jaden says. 

“Whatever man, all I do is win, win, win, no matter what. Now, if you want to get that work again, I got you.” 

Jaden laughs, but there’s something strangely familiar about the back-and-forth between him and Marvin. All of a sudden, Jaden receives a text message. He’s worried about looking at the message because his mom was recently admitted to a hospital. She doesn’t have very long to live. Jaden starts tearing up because he wishes that he was with his mom and sister. 

Marvin quickly gets up and embraces Jaden. Jaden shakes his head and explains, “It’s just hard being here and not at home, especially with my mom being sick and everything. It’s only getting worse for her, and —

Jaden suddenly stops and realizes there’s something weird and strange going on. He feels like he’s said that before. Jaden starts sobbing in Marvin’s arms. 

Marvin whispers, “I got you, bro. You’re my best friend, and I’m always going to be there for you. You gotta push through the pain and hurt, alright bro?”

Marvin’s words are strangely familiar and eerie to Jaden. He doesn’t know why. Jaden looks at his phone and sees that it’s a text from Maria. 

The text reads, “Hey, I miss you. I was wondering if you wanted to come over and you know.” 

Jaden drops his phone, and he’s starting to freak out and shaking. Marvin doesn’t understand what’s going on. Marvin quickly picks up Jaden’s phone and sees that he got a text from Maria. 

Marvin smiles and says, “Bro, Maria is trying to get a piece of you.”

“What do you mean?” Jaden says without even thinking. He quickly puts his hand on his mouth and can’t believe the words that he spoke. 

Marvin lets out a big sigh and responds, “Jaden, my clueless friend, she’s trying to get with you and smash tonight.”

This is sounding all too crazy and familiar to Jaden. He doesn’t understand or know what’s going on right now. Then, Jaden adds, “Well, I’m not trying to see her bro. She’s getting married in a month.” 

“Ok, and? She’s trying to have a little fun with you before she’s committed to someone the rest of her life. She’s entitled to a little fun. Plus, you’ve been boyfriend #2 for two years and now you’re trying to dip on her? Know your role bro,” Marvin says. 

“I never wanted this role in the first place. This is annoying! I want something more than just fun and sex. It’s just been pointless and meaningless.” 

“You’re just tripping, bro. Why did you start this in the first place, then?” 

“I never wanted to start this situation in the first place. It just happened, and I thought she would break up with her boyfriend and be with me. It just never happened, and I’ve been a fool this entire time. I’ve been trusting and believing the wrong people.”

After Jaden said those words, there’s an awkward silence between Jaden and Marvin. Before Jaden can say anything, Marvin admits that he’s hungry and needs something to eat. Jaden’s heart starts beating faster, and he once again hears the floor creak again outside of Marvin’s room. Jaden looks and sees the shadow outside of Marvin’s room not moving at all. 

Before Jaden can say anything, Marvin says, “You know, this might sound crazy but maybe we should go to the Purple Eyes diner and —

Jaden interrupts, “Marvin, do you not know what’s going on right now? We’re reliving that night at Purple Eyes!”

“What are you talking about, Jaden?” 

“Marvin, doesn’t tonight seem a little too familiar and coincidental to you? We’re playing Mortal Kombat, we were talking about my mom, Maria sent me a text and you were about to convince me to come with you to Purple Eyes. We did all that before going to Purple Eyes.”

Marvin gasps and realizes that they are reliving that night in their own way. It’s not completely a copy of that night, but it’s pretty close. Marvin catches his breath and whispers, “Alright, this is a little freaky and weird. Ok this is no problem, all we have to do is not go to Purple Eyes and we’re good, right?” 

Before Jaden can say anything, Marvin gets a random text message from Jeremy. It reads, “Come to the living room.” 

Marvin shows the message to Jaden, and Jaden quickly looks back at Marvin’s open door and finds the shadow no longer there. 

“Hey man, I don’t think you should go to the living room. I think we need to stick together and get out of here.” Jaden pleads. 

“What are you talking about, bro? We’re gonna be fine as long as we don’t go to Purple Eyes. Plus, Jeremy is our landlord, so we really can’t ignore him,” Marvin explains. 

“I don’t know man, he seems kinda shady and weird too tonight. I kinda saw his shadow in the hallway, and why is he now trying to see us?”

“It is a little strange, but I think we’re okay. You’re more than welcome to come with me, I’m going to see him real quick and be right back.” 

Jaden tries to stop Marvin, but he’s quick to maneuver Jaden and get out of his room. Jaden is scared and worried about his friend. He thinks about getting up and following Marvin, but for some reason he’s struggling to move. 

All of a sudden, Jaden hears a shriek sounding like Marvin and something heavy tumbling down the stairs. Jaden’s heart is beating faster and faster now. 

Then, he hears Marvin yelling and begging for Jaden to help him. Jaden rushes out of Marvin’s room and goes to the steps. He sees his best friend’s body at the bottom of the stairs. Before Jaden can do anything, he’s pushed down the steps by someone. Jaden tumbles down the hardwood steps and ends up on top of Marvin. 

Jaden’s body is hurting and aching, and he cannot move or do anything. His vision has been compromised. Everything is a blur now. He’s scared and shocked. Marvin pushes Jaden off of him, and Jaden can kinda see Marvin trying to crawl away. Jaden listens as he hears someone walking down the stairs. He turns his head towards the steps and sees a black figure coming down the steps. The black figure is a blur to Jaden, and the figure mostly looks like a shadow. Jaden is assuming the shadow is Jeremy. 

The shadow goes over to Marvin first. Jaden cannot move or do anything. All he can do is watch and listen. He watches and listens to Marvin begging to have his life spared. Jaden listens to the constant and consistent stabbing taking place, the stabbing is loud, true and unbearable for some odd reason. Jaden listens to the cries his best friend is making. Jaden hears the laughter from the shadow for this is simply a fun, sick, thrilling game the shadow never wants to stop playing. 

This was all too familiar and crazy to Jaden. The stabbing comes to an abrupt stop. Jaden looks over and sees his best friend with multiple stab wounds in a pool of his own blood. Jaden watches the shadow figure get up and look at him. Then, he whispers, “You’re next.” 

Jaden instantly recognizes the voice. It’s his classmate’s voice from the night at Purple Eyes a few years ago. He’s alive, Jaden thought to himself. 

“How are you still alive? You’re Jeremy, right?” Jaden weakly asks.

There is no response from the shadow that is quite familiar to Jaden. The familiar shadow walks over to Jaden and gets on top of him. Jaden can see the butcher knife in his hand, and it looks like the familiar shadow is going to stab him. 

Jaden starts crying and realizes that he’s about to die. Then, Jaden whispers, “I’m so sorry.”

Jaden starts whispering more things, but the familiar shadow cannot understand the unclear, desperate whispers. The familiar shadow chooses to ignore the whispers. The familiar shadow kneels down to Jaden’s face and whispers in his ear, “So beautiful.” 

Jaden is shocked by this familiar statement, and he continues to whisper. The familiar shadow gets off of him and stands up. It’s as if the shadow figure is waiting for something to happen. Then, Jaden realizes what he must do. Jaden reaches and begs for help, but he’s kicked in the face by the familiar shadow. The blurry figure gets on top of Jaden again, and Jaden understands and knows his life will be taken away from him. Still, Jaden whispers and whispers while he’s being stabbed repeatedly by the familiar shadow. 

No More Voices

I haven’t been hearing your voice or whispers lately.

Have you left or escaped me?

I crawl and check my closet every single day,

And every single day I see your lifeless body.

You have not gone anywhere.

You’re still in my closet.



Why then can I not hear your voice or whispers in my closet?

Why is it just another quiet night?

Why do I constantly think about the blood on the wall?

I have so many questions,

But no one can answer them for me.



Maybe I shouldn’t be thinking about such questions,

I don’t have the time to do such a thing.

I’m dying right now,

And I have no interest in surviving.

There’s just no point in living anymore,

Now that you two are gone.



My vision is slowly blurring,

Breathing has become such a tedious exercise.

My blood is rapidly leaving my body,

Never to return to me.

The pain in my arms is everlasting,

Death is now here for me,

Waiting patiently to take me away from this dark, cruel place.



Tonight is the night that I die,

But before I let death take me away,

I need to see you one last time.

I need to make sure you suffered.

I need to ensure my revenge is complete.

I need to believe you’re gone for good.



For one last time,

I crawl over to my closet,

And open the door.

I see your lifeless body,

And I see his soulless body as well.

I weakly push him out the way and embrace you.

I can’t hold on to you very long.



I don’t feel anything from you anymore,

You’re no longer in this world.

You’re gone for good,

And now I can finally die.

And end this terrible nightmare.




Suddenly, I can’t feel anything.

Darkness is all around me,

I’m no longer trying to breathe,

I no longer have control over my body.

Death has me in its hold.

But most importantly,

There are no more voices.

Just silence.

Purple Eyes: Part Four

There’s a decision that must be made tonight.

It’s a hard choice for anybody to make.

The woman with purple eyes wanted him to have that choice.

She would not say which was the right choice,

It was for him to decide so late into the night.

Could he fight his personal feelings and finally find peace?

Or is peace no longer an option?


It’s frightening and scary to see my own body,

I can’t believe I was butchered and slaughtered like a pig.

I can’t believe so much blood left my body.

It’s sickening to see all the stab wounds on my body.

I was brutally murdered in this alley,

And no one could save me.


Wait,

That’s not true at all.

Some people could have saved me from my pain and suffering,

But they just chose to watch.

They watched as I was crying,

They watched as I was losing the will to live,

They watched as I was begging for mercy,

They watched and did nothing about it,

They watched me slowly die.


The woman with purple eyes lets go of my hand,

And walks deeper into the alley.

I reach for her,

But she continues to move further and further away,

Until she suddenly stops

And has her arms wide open for me.

I’m realizing now that I have to make a choice.


I can go to her,

And be free from this terrible, dark world

And welcomed to paradise,

Or I can be brought back to life,

But do I really want to come back to this cruel place?

All alone late at night in the city,

Where nightmares are a reality for me.

An inescapable prison of my own making.


I decide to reject the woman with purple eyes,

And be brought back to life.

For I have unfinished business that I must attend to,

I need revenge,

I need to make them suffer like I did.

I need it more than anything,

And it’s the only way for me to move on.



The woman with purple eyes disappears,

And leaves me all alone and broken,

But I don’t care.

I don’t care about peace or freedom,

Nor do I care about the woman with purple eyes.


Purple Eyes: Part Three

She has led him to a disturbing place,

A familiar place that is a disgrace to his soul.

He thought he could forget about this place,

He thought he could outrun the suffering he experienced in this place,

But he was wrong.

She brought him back to this nightmarish place.

She brought him back to this diner,

So late into the night,

Where he met an unfortunate fate.

What does she hope to do for him?

What does she hope to show him at this late night diner?


I don’t want to go any further,

I feel like I shouldn’t be here at all.

This strange diner,

This diner that is so familiar to me.

A diner I never stepped foot in.

Why did she lead me here in the first place?

What could possibly still be waiting for me there?


I try my best to run away from her,

But she’s still holding on to my hand tightly.

There’s no escape from her.

I start crying and pleading for her to let me go,

I’m begging her to spare me from any more pain.

The woman with purple eyes says nothing,

She only continues leading me to a familiar place,

A familiar place that I thought I would never visit again.


We’re getting closer and closer to the diner,

And I’m starting to feel sick in my stomach.

I refuse to go any further,

But the woman with purple eyes keeps pulling me along,

No matter how much I resist.

It’s inevitable that I will see it.


We make it to the diner,

Then we go through the alley that’s next to the diner.

As we go deeper into the alley,

Darkness consumes us,

And light is nowhere in sight.

The full eventually comes out right on cue,

And I see we’re next to a dumpster,

We’re stepping in a puddle of something,

I look down and stop

I see we’re stepping in a puddle of blood,

But it’s not the scariest or strangest thing I see.

I see my dead body.