When it comes to you, I’m insecure

I can’t resist your allure

No matter how hard I try

I can’t deny you

You’re a large part of my life

And I hate that

Why do I lust after you?

Why is it so easy to embrace you?

I yearn for you

But I can never seem to learn that you’re slowly killing me softly

Or maybe I’m not willing to do anything about it

Because I enjoy you so much

You give me everything I want

Comfort, satisfaction and relaxation

And I was okay with the intoxication

And losing my fascination in life

Just being lost in translation with you

I forget that I have responsibilities

Because of you

And I neglect them

Until it’s too late

As much as I hate to say it

You’re evil, but you’re also innocent

You never forced me to embrace you

It was my choice

It was my choice to sleep with you

It was my choice to creep with you

It was my choice to abandon my work

And get closer to you

But you were deceitful

You slowly filled with me with your poison

And made me sin

Not so much against God, but against myself

I had lost touch of who I was

And could barely recognize myself because of you

Am I to blame?

Or am I just being framed by you?

I don’t know the answer

But I know that you’re not the answer

If anything, you’re the cancer that slowly builds up inside of me

By the time I notice, it’ll be too little, too late to be talking about change

By then, I’ll be a dead man walking

I need to make a change now

I need to remember who I was before you came along

I need to sing my song, instead of listening to your songs

I need to believe that life without you is a better one

I need so much, but I want so much more

I still want you in my life

I can’t imagine a life without you

You make life easier to deal with

But at the same time, you distract me from what’s real in life

You make me forget my goals, dreams and aspirations

And you instead fill me with regret

And I don’t want that anymore

I want something more out of life

But I know that it can’t include you

You’ll only slow me down

So, I have to say goodbye to you

And hope that I never see you again

I wrote this poem a few days ago because I realized that I was having an unhealthy relationship with laziness. There were times that I could’ve been more productive with my time, but I decided to be lazy. It’s been more than a month since my last post, and I hate that. I was striving to consistently write in my blog, but I found that I was not really caring to write or post. The reason is because of laziness. In my opinion, being lazy causes you to be careless and exasperated at inconvenient times of your life. For me, I used school and work as my excuse for being lazy. I was telling myself that I could relax because I’ve been working extremely hard in school and work, and I deserved to have a little relaxation time. However, too much of something is never good thing. I found that relaxing was a significant part of my day-to-day routine. I was barely able to get any of my writing done, pray to God and other things that I deeply valued in my life. So, I realized that I had to discipline myself and also find a healthy balance. It’s important to find time to relax and to give yourself a break, but you don’t want to be dependent on it. I want certain things in life but none of that will be possible if I’m just being lazy. I have to be willing to put in the extra work and time to have the life that I envisioned for myself. In addition, I can’t make any poor excuses about why things are not progressing in my life. I have to say goodbye to laziness.

Thank you for visiting my blog and hoped you enjoyed this blog entry. Be sure to like, comment and subscribe to “The Warfield Zone.”

I used to worry about my future

Because I was unsure

About what my future would hold

This made me be scared to be bold

It made me withhold

Myself from the world

I was too scared to do anything

I was too scared to spread my wings

Because I didn’t know if I could fly

I don’t know why I thought I couldn’t fly

When I had the Word and the Lord

No, why do I have to lie?

Truthfully, I didn’t know if the Lord was with me

So, how else was I supposed to fly

When it was possible that I could die?

I couldn’t stand the uncertainty

So, I stayed put

Stayed in the present

And didn’t progress

I did less and became careless

Of planning my future

Instead, I followed the allure of laziness

Man, I was such a mess

I couldn’t pass the test of life

There were days that I wished I had a knife

To end my life

I needed motivation to turn my life around

But there was only procrastination on my part

So, I was never going to reach my destination

That was just my observation

I needed a change

But it was out of range

To do so

Because I was my own foe

I was stopping myself from flying

Because I feared dying

Sadly, I’m not lying

But then I realized that I was dying

At an alarming rate

Because I was doing nothing

I needed to change before it was too late

And before my fate was sealed

What did I need to do?

Who should I go to?

Where would the answer lie?

When would I find the answer?

Would I find it before I die?

How long could I endure not knowing my future?

I just needed a cure

For the longest I couldn’t find it

I thought I would never find it

Until I was pushed

By the people that I cared about most

I was almost about to die

Had they not come to my rescue

It’s funny how a select few can rescue you

And help turn your life around

This is true

Cause I’m living proof that it’s true

I wonder why it’s true

I guess God knows what he’s doing

When he puts people in your life

And it’s only a matter of time

That you want to get out of the lime-light

And fight to get your life together

And get better

No matter the weather

And trust in God

By just listening to Him

And that’s what I did

And that’s all it takes

If you want to fix your mistakes

And move on to bigger and better things

I’m thankful that I have nothing to fear

When I think about the future

Because I’m sure that my future is bright

If I just continue to follow the light

Today, I was thinking about my Grandpa Jerry Warfield, particularly the last few days I spent with him before he died.

I live in Pittsburgh, and my grandpa lived in Lorain, Ohio. I could only spend the weekend with him because I had school. I got to my grandpa’s house Friday night. It was a little late, so we just watched a movie, talked a little and went to bed.

On Saturday, we did a lot of talking and also went to the Harrison Cultural Community Center, a center that was started by my late Grandma Deloris. That’s another story. After we were at the Harrison Center, my grandpa and I went back to his house. Then, we went to his music room, and we listened and played some music together.

I can never forget his music room. It was small and messy with music papers all over the place. I always got on him for not cleaning up, but he always said, “Isaiah, I don’t have time to clean. I only got time for music.” I always got annoyed with that answer, but now I just can’t help but laugh about it. In his music room, we listened to jazz. We listened to Louis Armstrong, Miles Davis, Thelonious Monk, Benny Goodman, Oscar Peterson and so many other jazz musicians. It was great. My grandpa had a deep love for jazz, and it made me have a love for jazz, too. I listened to jazz almost every single day because of my grandpa, but then stopped once he was gone. We also played some music together in the music room. He would play the saxophone, and I would play the drums and guitar. I knew how to play the drums, but I was still learning how to play the guitar. My grandpa didn’t mind though. He loved that I was a musician just like him. However, he really wanted me to learn how to play the saxophone. He said to me, “Maybe in the summer I can teach you how to play the saxophone, and you can teach me how to play the drums. What do you think of that?” I happily agreed to it. It was a deal between us. However, we can never honor that deal.

Later on, we ate some food, talked and discussed God and the Bible. My grandpa was a true man of God. For me, his spirituality was always pure and true to me. He helped me keep my faith strong with and without him. I always thank God for that. My grandpa was talking about going to church Sunday, and I wanted to go with him. My grandpa was happy to hear this. He was filled with pure joy. My grandpa would always go to church alone, so he was very excited to have someone accompany him to church. It’s amazing how something so simple can have a major impact on someone. I never knew though that it would be my last day with my grandpa.

It was Sunday, and my grandpa and I went to church together. I remember how excited my grandpa was with me wanting to go to church with him. He kept talking about his church, and how I was really going to love it. When we arrived, he introduced me to a lot of his church members with a lot of pride and happiness. It made me happy to see him happy. We both sat down in the front, but then he got up to the front with a bunch of other people. Then, service started, and my grandpa and other people started singing together. I was in the front row, and I could hear my grandpa sing. I can’t lie, his singing was kind of awful. He was barely in tune, and he was a little off with his timing. However, I couldn’t help but smile at him for singing to God with all his heart. His singing was genuine, and I couldn’t help but admire his singing.

After the service, my grandpa talked with some people, and I ended up talking to this cute girl with glasses. I thought she was the same age as me, but my grandpa later told me that she was 16 years old. My grandpa was ready to play matchmaker, but I told him to forget it. He kept pestering me about the girl, and I told him that she was too young. He said, “You’re only two years older than her, Isaiah. But if it really bothers you, you just need to wait two years for her, then you two will be good to go.” My grandpa and I laughed at his comment. To this day, I wonder about the girl and wonder if I’ll ever see her again.

We were back at his house, and we spent some more time in his music room. Then, we just talked and ate some more food. My mom arrived at my grandpa’s house to pick me up. I hugged my grandpa and told him that “I loved him.” He said the same thing and also said, “I’ll see you next time.” I left with my mom and went back to Pittsburgh.

A few months later, my grandpa was diagnosed with dementia. He was never the same after that. I couldn’t talk to him like I used to, and it was really hard to be around him. He was different, lost, confused and in pain. Dementia had my grandpa in 2016. My grandpa died last year in August.

Although I saw my grandpa when he had dementia, I knew deep down inside that it wasn’t him. Dementia had already taken my grandpa away, and I was only left with fragments of him. Truthfully, I had lost my grandpa before he died. I already had my last moments and days with him, and I can never get them back. He’s gone, but he’s not forgotten.

I love you, grandpa. I hope our last days together were as meaningful and special to you as they were for me.

You torment me every day

And I submit to you

Without putting up a fight

What can I say?

You are a false light

That makes me lose sight

On the things that are right

Inside me

You make me blind like Ray Charles

Crazy like Charles Manson

Over girls in mansions

That have no time with romancing

They’re just looking for advances

Why do I want these girls?

Why do I need these girls?

Please, tell me why?

I lie, I know why I want them

You show me their appeal every day

And I keep my lips sealed

And reveal nothing

About how evil and messed up

You truly are

You reveal too much

And I can’t turn away

From the lust that you create in my heart

Instead, I just want more

Like a drug addict

It’s not smart to hold onto you

But millions say that you’re harmless

Regardless, I know you’re heartless

Filled with darkness

And I’m slowly losing myself to you

How can I fight you, when I don’t want to?

You make me feel good

From the beginning to the end

But then I hate myself the next day

What can I say?

I can’t tell anybody about you

I’m too ashamed to

Because I’m the one to blame

I came and enjoyed playing you

Over and over again like a dirty game

I had all the control

But you had all the necessary power

You gave me what I wanted

So are you really the guilty one?

I used you and played you so many times

When there were times I didn’t need to

Now, I’m dependent on you

I can’t think about nothing else, but you

You drive me crazy

Because I hate you, but I want you

Like a kid wants candy

I want you to leave me alone

But you’re always around

You drown me with your presence

And you slowly kill me

I need something to heal me

Before it’s too late

And my fate is sealed

With you in my future

And I can’t have that

I can’t have you in my mind

On rewind

I can’t have you in my home

I can’t have you near my family

I can’t have you where I work

I can’t have you near my wife

I can’t have you near my children

I can’t have you in my life

Because you’re a monster and a poison

Instead, I need an angel and a cure

I need God in my life

To show me whatsoever things are pure, wholesome, kind and just

Will help me fight you

I refuse to be your prisoner

Any longer

It’s time for liberation

It’s time to be free

It is time

Let not my will, but God’s will be done

In the name of His son, Jesus Christ

I rebuke you out of my life

I rebuke you to the place of weeping and gnashing of teeth

Because God is on my side

Goodbye

And I hope I never see you again

I’m walking towards you
As you’re waiting for me down the aisle
But I don’t want you
You’re nothing but a vile creature
This I’m sure of
I don’t want to meet you at the end of the aisle
I want to go the opposite direction
But I can’t
You have all the control over me
Why can’t I let you go?
You strip me of any possible joy
That I could have in my life
Yet, I continue to hold on to you
Like an incurable infection
I’ll never be rid of you till death do us part

I’m inching closer to you
With no way of escape
Or deliverance
You rape me with your presence
Knowing exactly what your appearance is doing to me
Why did I keep you around for so long?
Why did I commit to you?
When I knew that you were wrong for me?
There were days and nights I could’ve walked away
But I knew that I would be lost without you
Because we’ve been together for so long
I know life would be better without you
But it wouldn’t be the same without you
I would yearn for you daily
And never learn to live without you
I hate that I’m committed to you
Till death do us part

I finally make it to you at the altar
As you were patiently waiting for me
You knew that I would come to you eventually
It was only a matter of time
The priest asks if I’m sure about this
He knows that I’m making a mistake
He knows that me and you have that fake love
That everyone, including the congregation, has for you
You’re a cheater
You’re a sinner
You’re an adulterer
You’re evil and lust all wrapped up in one
The priest knows this
And pleads for me to run away from you
But I can’t
I’m committed to you, and you alone
The priest is disappointed in me
And he knows that there’s nothing he can do
He has lost me to you
And you’re happy about this
He allows us to be together
And officially allows us to be married to one another
Till death do us part

I used to worry about my future

Because I was unsure

About what my future would hold

This made me be scared to be bold

It made me withhold

I was scared to do anything

Scared to spread my wings

Cause I didn’t know if I could fly

I don’t know why I thought I couldn’t fly

When I had the Word and the Lord

No, why do I have to lie?

Truthfully, I didn’t know if the Lord was with me

So, how else was I supposed to fly?

When it was possible that I could die?

I couldn’t stand the uncertainty

So, I stayed put

Stayed in the present

And didn’t progress

I did less and became careless

Of planning my future

Instead, I followed the allure of laziness

Man, I was such a mess

I couldn’t pass the test of life

There were days that I wished I had a knife to end my life

I needed motivation

To turn my life around

But there was only procrastination

On my part

So, I was never going to reach my destination

That was just my observation

I needed a change

But it was out of range

To do so

Because I was my own foe

I was stopping myself from flying

Because I feared dying

Sadly, I’m not lying

But then I realized that I was dying

At an alarming rate

Because I was doing nothing

I needed to change before it was too late

And before my fate was sealed

What did I need to do?

Who should I go to?

Where would the answer lie?

When would I find the answer?

Would I find it before I die?

How long could I endure

Not knowing my future?

Man, I just needed a cure

For the longest, I couldn’t find it

I thought I would never find it

Until I was pushed

By the people that I cared about most

I was almost to die

Had they not come to my rescue

It’s funny how a select few can rescue you

And help you turn your life around

This is true

Cause I’m living proof that it is true

I wonder why it’s true

I guess God knows what he’s doing

When he puts people in your life

And it’s only a matter of time

That you want to get out of the lime-light

And fight to get your life together

And get better

No matter the weather

And trust in God

By just listening to him

And that’s what I did

And that’s all it takes

If you want to fix your mistakes

And move on

To bigger and better things

I’m thankful that I have nothing to fear

When I think about the future

Because I’m sure

That my future is bright

If I just continue to follow the light

You’re always with other people

You give them a smile on their faces

That can only make me sick and vile

Like a tortured prisoner, I need to know

Why are you there for other people but not for me?

Why are you afraid to get close to me but welcome other people?

To other people, you’re a delicate, beautiful rose

To me, I don’t know

You’re unknown like the universe

And I’m alone, I guess that’s my curse

Without having you in my life

You, the impossible treasure

I often wonder what it’s like to have you

I hear that you’re quite the motivator

You know, I could really use you right now

Since I’m alone and depressed like Darth Vader

But you don’t care

You don’t care that I’m losing my mind

You don’t care that I lost my pride

You don’t care that I want to commit suicide

You don’t care, you don’t care, you don’t care

You’re a monster

I hate you and people that have you

Because why can’t I have you?

What’s so wrong with me?

Am I not good enough for you?

Only few can have you?

You, the impossible treasure

A few days ago on Monday, I had went through a series of awkward events.

It was Monday, and I woke up at 10:00 a.m. I made myself some cereal, and I got to watch an episode of the greatest show ever, “The Twilight Zone.” I was happy and content. Then, I looked in my backpack and realized that my day was ruined. I forgot that I had a massive 100-point project due today. Why does school have to ruin everything? It’s not fair! Yeah, my professor gave us a week for a project, and it’s a project that will take a few hours. But, it’s not fair! I can’t help that I’m a procrastinator every now and then, or most of the time. I can’t help it. Awkward.

Anyways, my project wasn’t hard. All I had to do was draw a robot on Adobe Illustrator. I had drew the design of the robot on paper in 30 minutes, and all I had to do was draw it on a computer. Easy, peasy, lemon squeezy, right? Wrong! For some reason, my computer was acting up, and I couldn’t work on my project. Awkward.

I don’t panick though because I thrive under pressure. I realized that I have a photography class at 2:15 that’s in a computer lab, and I could just work on it there. I just have to be there early. I made it to my class at around 1:20, and the room was completely empty. I walked in, got on a computer and started working on my project. While I’m working on my robot, a professor walked past the room and saw me. However, she continued walking. A few seconds later, she came back and looked at me for a very long time. I avoided her look that was just piercing my soul. Why was she staring at me? What did I do? What, can’t a black man be alone in a computer lab? I just continued being focus on my screen like a good student, until she went away. Awkward.

It’s around 1:45, and I was making good progress. It wasn’t until my friends Rose and Felicia came into class. They started pestering me with questions about the photos that were due in our photography class that day. Normally, I don’t mind helping them because I help my friends in any way I can. However, I had my own project to deal with and didn’t have time to be that friend that always helps. Anyways, for photography class, we had to submit two pictures that had patterns. I’ll share my pictures this weekend. Back to the story, I had my pictures ready. I was prepared. Rose and Felicia should’ve been prepared.  Why they got to be procrasinators in college? You can’t be waiting till the last minute to do things. You don’t see me doing that at all. I am always prepared. Wait. Awkward.

Eventually, I end up helping Rose and Felicia out. I’m barely done with my robot, but I can’t help but be the friend that helps out. I help them out as best as I can, but they were doomed. They were about to get bad grades. There was nothing that I could do. They needed a miracle. I helped Felicia first, and then Rose. After I’m done helping Rose out, she wants to tell and show me her nice, beautiful necklace that her boyfriend gave her in Philadelphia. She took a trip to Philadelphia and had a great time with her boyfriend. She talked about what they did in Philadelphia and how romantic it was, but I don’t care. I was trying to get my robot project done. I helped Rose, the least she could do is let me help myself. Nevertheless, I listened to her because I’m a good friend. It turned out that they had a nice time together. I’m glad I got to know that. Then, she wanted to show me pictures of her and him together. I was thinking to myself, “I am never getting this robot done.” I went to Rose’s computer, Rose pulled up pictures on her computer with Felicia next to her. Well, she accidently opened the wrong file and showed me some “interesting” pictures of herself. She wasn’t wearing a lot of clothing, and she was in some “interesting” positions. Awkward.

I can’t lie, it took me a minute to look away. It was hard…to look away. Rose has a very “interesting” body that I can’t help but admire now. She quickly closed the “interesting” pictures up, and I quickly went back to my seat and robot. I just couldn’t believe that I saw “interesting” pictures of my friend. I shouldn’t have seen that side of her. How could I not look away? I don’t know anymore. I can never unsee her being “interesting.” Awkward.

I tried to focus on my robot and forget about Rose’s “interesting” pictures, and I did for a little. However, Felicia didn’t let it go. She asked Rose why she took those pictures, and Rose replied that she was modeling. Felicia asked if they were for agencies, but I guessed that they were for Instagram. Rose said they were. Felicia asked me if I found those photos of Rose “interesting”, and I admittedly said yes. She was shocked to hear this, but I didn’t know why. Also, Felicia was looking at me funny and wanted to ask me something. She didn’t for some reason. Then, I hear her whisper to Rose, “I didn’t know.” I put two and two together and realized the question that she wanted to ask me. I asked her, “Did you think that I was gay?” She admittedly said yes. Awkward.

Immediately, I wanted to know why Felicia thought that I was gay. She explained that when she introduced herself in class and said she had two moms, she saw that I was really excited about that. Also, there was this one time where she thought that I said “yasss” one time about something. Then, I explained myself. First of all, I was only excited because I have friends with two moms, and it was nice to meet another person with two moms. Second of all, I said “yess” not “yass” that one time. Bye, Felicia. She tried to apologize, but the damage was already done. I felt some type of way. Awkward.

My photography class got started at 2:15, and we all had to submit our two pictures to our professor, Mrs. Cowell. Mrs. Cowell can sometimes come off as mean, but she knows photography. Anyways, Felicia, Rose and I submitted our pictures to Mrs. Cowell. As I was working on my robot, my friend Raul came into class. We both created a photo together of patterns and decided to submit them both. Mrs. Cowell showed everyone’s pictures on a projector and started to critique them in front of everyone. Mrs. Cowell said that she hated Felicia’s, Rose’s and other people’s pictures. She was very disappointed in them. At least she was honest. However, she liked Raul’s picture that me and him created together. She admired how natural and mysterious it was. Then, she got to my pictures. She liked my one picture of my pattern of hats, but she didn’t like my picture of what me and Raul created. She said that she didn’t like how staged it was. Raul’s picture was staged, too! We practically had the same picture, but his was better! Raul got an “A” on both of his pictures, but I got an “A” on one picture but a “D” on my picture that we worked on together. Raul saw my grade and laughed at me. I was furious. We had the same picture, but he gets all the praise and the good grade! That’s not fair! I can never create a picture with him again. I hate Raul now. Awkward.

I couldn’t stand Mrs. Cowell after that. I ended up getting an 80% on my pattern project, while the whole class got an average of 55% on the pattern project. Raul and I were the only ones that got good grades on the pattern project. Awkward.

While Mrs. Cowell was teaching in photography class, I was working on my robot. Or at least trying to. My friends Felicia and Rose kept looking at my robot and kept saying, “Kitty cat, kitty cat, kitty cat.” I kept telling them that it wasn’t a kitty cat at all. It was fearsome robot that happened to cat-like features. They were annoying so much with their “kitty cat, kitty cat, kitty cat” chants, and it was just hard to focus. It wasn’t a kitty cat. However, the more that I worked on it, the more it looked like a kitty cat. They were right. Awkward.

I ended up finishing my robot in photography class and thought that it was a pretty robot. Later that day, I went to my graphic design feeling ready to submit my robot. However, when I got into class, I saw that all my classmates robots were way better than mine. They were advanced, and they were clean and crisp. While I thought that my robot was a mess. Awkward.

We eventually submitted our robots to our professor Mr. Jackson. Mr. Jackson is a pretty cool, funny, nice professor. I like him as my professor. Anyways, we all submitted our robots to him. I have this friend in my graphic design class named Patrick, and we joke and make fun of each other all the time. Patrick saw my robot and joked that it was terrible. He even said that I was about to get a “C” on my robot. Thanks Patrick for believing in me. However, the opposite happened. Mr. Jackson saw my robot and loved it. He actually gave me an “A”, but my friend Patrick got a “C” on his project for lack of creativity. Awkward.

Monday was the most awkward day of my life. I never want a day like that ever again. There were just so many twists and turns that day that my body is contorted now. Great joke, right? Awkward.

I hope that Felicia, Rose, Raul, Patrick, Mr. Jackson, Mrs. Cowell never see this blog post. You know why, right? Because that would be so…what’s the word I’m looking for. It’s on the tip of my tongue. I know it, but I just can’t say it. What’s the word I’m looking for. Do you know? Please let me know if you know the word that I’m thinking about. It’s going to bother me all day that I couldn’t figure out the word I was thinking about. Awkward.

Thank you for reading this post on “The Warfield Zone” and hoped you enjoyed it. If you didn’t, then that would be…awkward.

My future is coming soon

It’s waiting to come out of it’s cocoon

I hope it will be bright like a full moon

But I don’t know if that’s possible

Then again, it’s not impossible

If anything, it’s plausible and probable

That my future is set and inevitable

Still, I wish I knew my future

My worries are my sickness, and I need a cure

I need something to make me whole and pure

Who am I kidding, there is no cure

Only a nightmare

What will I be when I’m older?

Will I be bolder or colder?

Will I have my life in order?

Will I fulfill my purpose in life?

Will I have kids and a beautiful wife?

Will I be happy with my life?

Will I change the world?

Or will the world change me?

Will I live to see thirty?

Or will I be old enough to see ninety?

Will God be proud of me?

All these questions I have, I can no longer bear

Would anyone even care?

About my future, my nightmare?

I don’t like the uncertainty

Or the absurdity and deformity

Of my future

And I just want to be sure about my future

I need an answer and cure for my future

Why can’t I know?

Is my future a friend or a foe?

Forget it, I’ll never know

Who am I kidding?

My future wants to remain hidden

And there’s nothing I can do about it

I have to wait till I get hit with my future

Doesn’t seem legit

Should I give a fit?

About my future, my nightmare?

This is what I fear

I fear my future is near

Or perhaps it’s already here

But it’s not clear

I hope I can stop worrying about my future

I just wish I wasn’t unsure

About my future

I wish that I could not care

About my future, my nightmare

There’s this girl on my mind

That makes me believe that love is blind

Because I love how she’s designed

She’s just so sweet, funny and kind

But I know that I need to leave her behind

Because she’s not right for me

But she cannot see

That we’re not meant to be

She still believes that we’re a possibility

And she does not have the ability

Nor the capability

To realize that we’re not meant to be a reality

In all actuality

She wants me to remember

All my times with her

Were something special

And that we have the potential

Together, to be successful

She just wanted me to give us a chance

And give romance a chance

If we want to advance in a relationship

But I’m not interested in a courtship

I just want a friendship

But she doesn’t care

And it’s not fair

I want to tell her that it’s not fair

But I wouldn’t dare

Because I care

My problem is that I care too much

I still care about her warm touch

But I need to forget

Before there’s only regret

And tragedy like in Hamlet

We’re not meant to last long

We’re just the typical, short, love song

But I’m not wrong

We barely have anything in common

No, the truth is she’s too foreign

I know that sounds rotten

I didn’t mean for it to sound rotten

But it’s the truth

She deeply cares about her culture

That’s far different from mine

Like water is to fine wine

We’re not meant to be long-term

If anything, we’re short-term

I’m just thinking about the future

Something that I’m unsure about

But what I am sure about

Is that she’s not the answer or cure to my life

I wish nothing but the best for her

But we can’t be together

We have to go our separate ways

If we want better days

There’s someone out there for the both of us

It’s a must for us to realize this

She is someone that I will miss

I wish that we could’ve shared a simple kiss

And possibly see if love was on our list

But I already knew that it was too risky

And that a kiss wouldn’t have changed anything

If anything, it would’ve made things worse

I just want her to realize that we’re not meant to be

And for her to just leave me alone

I wrote this poem a year ago, and it’s basically about a girl, let’s call her Lilly, that liked me and wanted something more with me. I don’t talk to her anymore because of something that happened between us, but that’s another story. Anyways, the poem talks about how Lilly was funny, smart and sweet. She was this very exotic, pretty girl from an Asian country. Even though Lilly had all of these great, unique qualities that I loved about her, I still didn’t want to be in a relationship with her. The reason is because we couldn’t connect at all. For me, having a connection with someone is important. How can you love someone that you can’t connect with? Lilly was a great girl, but she wasn’t for me. She was a girl that was deeply immersed with her culture, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I actually admired it. I’ve connected with girls with different backgrounds and cultures because I at least had something in common with them. Something that allowed us to connect.  I just didn’t have that feeling or vibe with Lilly. I still wanted to be friends with her, but I never wanted a relationship with her because I knew that it would never work out. Unfortunately, she didn’t see it my way. She still wanted me to give her a chance, and I actually did. We actually went on a date on Christmas but that’s an entirely different story.

Thank you for reading my poem “Just Leave Me Alone” on “The Warfield Zone.” Hope you enjoyed reading this post and hope to see you again on “The Warfield Zone.”