The poem that I recently posted titled “You Will Never Know” is about a girl in high school that I liked. We grew close to one another, and we were on the path of being in a serious relationship. However, I ruined everything on purpose. I distanced myself from her and gave her the cold shoulder. At the time, I thought that I was doing the right thing, but I later realized now that I was wrong. I was wrong because I hurt this girl in a way that could’ve been easily avoided. The guilt and regret I felt weighed heavy on my heart, and I just hated that she was the one girl that I hurt in my life. She will sadly never know how deeply sorry that I am.
In the poem and reality, I believed that I wasn’t good enough for her and that she deserved better than me. I was going through depression and other personal issues, and I didn’t want to involve her in that part of my life. Also, I didn’t want her to see that part of my life. I thought that I would bring her more trouble than good. She seemed so innocent and sweet that I didn’t want to be the reason that she changed. She had an optimistic view of the world that I didn’t want to change for her. I assumed that she wouldn’t be able to handle who I was at the time, and I didn’t want her image of me to be different.
My friends told me that my intentions were in the right place, but I just went about it the wrong way. I should’ve been honest with her and hoped that she would understand my fears and hesitation to be with her. One of my friends said that I shouldn’t beat myself over it too much because I was young and didn’t know any better. I quickly said that I should’ve known better. Even though I was a boy, my parents held me to a high standard and always taught me to treat girls and women with respect, love and care. Although I’ve done that for most of the girls and women in my life, I’m ashamed that I couldn’t do it for that one girl in high school. I’m ashamed that I didn’t respect her enough to just be honest and tell her the truth about myself.
In the end, I have grown and moved on with my life. I can’t dwell in the past and continue to persecute myself for something that I did or didn’t do for a girl in high school. I strive for honesty and keep my faith strong in God. All I can do is continue to be the person that God has made me today and keep moving forward.