On My Mind

Every time I’m progressing,

I find that I want to revert back to you.

You’re comfortable,

You’re easy,

You’re a sweet relief,

But then I remember how toxic you are for me.

You’re a distraction for me,

You have no purpose in my life now,

You’re just a reminder that I’m weak.

It’s sad that I don’t have the will power to completely let you go.

Oddly enough,

I depend on you,

I count on you when I’m tired,

I count on you as a backup option,

I count on you when I’m afraid of what’s in front of me.

I can’t keep doing that.

I have to let go of my dependence on you,

But I can’t do it just yet.

For now,

I just try my best to resist you every day.

Maybe one day you’ll no longer be on my mind.

Leaving You Behind

I want you to know that I’m hurting too,

It’s not easy to ignore you

Or push you away,

But I found that I’m happier without you.

I can see the joy in life clearly,

And I want to experience more of it.

I just want to think about myself,

I just want to take care of myself,

I don’t want to worry about you anymore,

Maybe I’m wrong for having this selfish mentality,

But something tells me I’m not entirely wrong.

Something tells me I deserve to treat myself right,

After putting you first each and every time.

I’m missing you,

But I’m not needing you anymore.

I’m changing and growing in a better way.

Surely you can be happy for me,

But I know you want me to think about you.

Maybe someday I’ll come back for you,

But for now I’m leaving you behind.

Unhealed Scars

You don’t want your scars to fade away

Or be somewhat healed.

You want to showcase them,

You want to show how messed up and brutal they are to the world,

But you especially want me to see them.

You want me to feel bad for you,

You want me to feel your pain,

You want me to feel your struggle,

I did feel those things for years because it mattered to you,

But I just can’t anymore.

I’m repulsed and disgusted by the scars I’ve seen for years,

That’s the truth.

It makes me sick that you’re addicted to your scars.

Why do you hold on to them?

Can’t you see that’s the reason I keep my distance?

You just refuse to see the truth,

You’re too absorbed with your scars,

You’re too obsessed with your scars,

You’re too dependent with your scars,

You say your scars hurt every time you talk to me,

But make no effort to treat them.

I used to believe there was more to you than just your scars.

I used to believe in a different person.

A person I sincerely wanted in my life,

But now you’re almost unrecognizable to me,

And I don’t want you in my life

Because all you show me are your unhealed scars.

Ending a Journey

It’s so easy to end a journey

Why is that?

I think it’s easy because it’s always your choice,

When you want it to end.

Maybe you want to end your journey at the very beginning,

Because you realized early on the journey wasn’t really meant for you.

Maybe you’re tired of your journey,

And you just want to quit for sweet relief.

Maybe you reached your destination,

And the journey fulfilled its purpose.

Maybe there was no real reason why you ended a journey,

It just happened randomly.

But you’re always in control of when your journey ends,

You can always choose your ending.

Like it or not,

You’re the one in charge.

You’re the one that reaches the end.

No one can tell you when you reached the end.

Only you know when.

Only you can be satisfied with the ending,

Only you can be disappointed with the ending.

Ending a journey brings out the truth in us.

Ending a journey can be sad.

Ending a journey can be rewarding.

Enduring a Journey

It’s so easy to hate a journey

Why is that?

I think it’s because it’s easy to gravitate to the things we can control.

For instance,

A journey can become long, tiring and unbearable.

When that happens,

It’s hard to be determined,

It’s hard to be positive,

It’s hard to be grateful,

It’s hard to be faithful,

It’s hard to be the best version of yourself,

When you have no idea when your journey will come to an end.

The things you once controlled are no longer safely with you.

They’re either gone forever,

Or they’ll make some appearances here and there on your journey,

So what do you do?

Naturally,

You gravitate towards negativity,

You gravitate towards sadness,

You gravitate towards laziness,

You gravitate towards fear,

You know these things won’t help you in your journey,

But they’re the things you can have control over in the middle of your journey.

They comfort and distract your from your journey.

Enduring a journey brings out the worst in us.

Enduring a journey can be scary.

Enduring a journey can be hard.

Starting a Journey

It’s so easy to start a journey

Why is that?

I think it’s because beginnings are easy to control,

We can control how determined we are,

We can control our feelings and attitudes,

We can even control our perspective,

Everything is in our control.

And we know how we want our journey to start and end.

We have set plans and goals for our journey,

We think we’re prepared,

We think we have everything we need,

All packed in a suitcase.

Starting a journey brings out the best in us.

Starting a journey is exciting.

Starting a journey is easy.

Having Joy and A Life

Life is all about perspective.

It’s true that I want certain things to go my way,

But I can’t disregard the things that are going my way.

I can’t disregard my blessings.

I have to cherish them with all my heart,

For they have purpose and meaning in my life.

I must never forget that.

Life will go on,

More seasons will come into my life,

And I plan on trying my best to find joy in each season.

No matter how hard or difficult each season may be.

There’s always a way to find joy.

There’s always the choice to choose between joy and despair.

Even though it can be a struggle at times,

I want to strive to always choose joy over despair,

That’s a promise.

I want life to be an exploration for me.

A journey that is unique and true to me.

An adventure that offers me development, excitement and opportunity.

I want to enjoy life.

It’s time to enjoy life.

It’s time to have joy.

It’s time for me to have joy and a life.

Please, Prove Me Wrong

I wish we could have a better relationship,

But I know it’s not possible

Because you want to remain in the past.

You want to hold on to the hurt and pain it caused you.

You’ve held on to it for years now,

And you’ve grown so dependent on it.

It’s like an addiction that you can’t get rid of so easily.

How long will you hold on to your addiction?

Do you really treasure it over me?

I don’t want to know the answers to those questions,

But I fear I already know the answers.

You’re an addict that desperately needs help,

I’ve tried my best to help you,

But I’m tired of my help leading us nowhere.

I’m tired of the same excuses,

I’m tired of the same lies,

I’m tired of the same empty promises,

I’m tired of the same pointless conversations,

I’m tired and need something different from you.

I’m worried that will never happen,

But I pray and hope I’m wrong.

But I fear I already know the answer.

Please, prove me wrong.

I’m Here For You Now

I have to stop putting all the pressure on you.

I expect you to do so much,

Carry so much,

And accomplish so much.

It’s unfair to you.

I have to do my part, too.

Otherwise, I will not see you come to life.

You need me now.

I have to be motivated and determined now for you

Because I want to see you in this world.

I want to see you thriving and living life to the fullest.

I want to see you happy.

I want to see you finding joy and positivity in any situation,

Whether it’s good or bad,

Because I struggle with that now.

I’m doing better,

But I want you to be better than me.

Please be better, stronger and wiser than me.

Please be the person I always imagined you would be.

Please be all that and more.

I hope and pray you are,

But more importantly I will do my best for you.

I will put in the work for you to be here.

I will make you a reality in this world.

I will stop putting everything on you.

I will relieve that unnecessary pressure and weight

You’ve been carrying for too long.

I’m here for you now.

A Loving Escape

I want to be a place you feel safe.

I want to be a place you call home.

I want to be considered the best place on Earth for you.

A place where you can relax your mind.

A place where I’m your peace.

Let me be a sweet dream you never want to wake up from.

A dream that takes you away from the nightmares of this world.

Let me be all that and more for you.

I want to cater to you.

I want to fulfill all your wants and needs.

I don’t want to fail you.

I want to be a place you can be yourself.

A place you can be free.

You don’t need to be scared.

I’m holding on to you and never letting go.

My love will always be here to comfort and support you.

I promise that it’s not going anywhere.

It’s here for you,

And it’s only for you.

When you feel alone,

I’ll be there for you.

When you don’t feel heard,

I’ll listen to you.

When you need encouragement,

I’ll provide it.

When you need love,

I’ll give it to you.

I want to be place full of love and kindness for you.

A place full of optimism and hope.

A place full of care and support.

I want to be that more than anything for you.

You have my word.

I want to provide you a different kind love.

A love you have never received before.

A love that you’ve been yearning and waiting for.

A love that’s a safe haven for you.

That’s all I want to do for you.

I want to love you like you’ve never been loved before.

I don’t want to give you a fairy tale love.

A love based on imagination and promising possibilities.

A love that assumes we’ll be happily ever after.

A love that is typical and practiced constantly in this world.

You don’t deserve that kind of love.

You deserve real love.

A love based on facts and evidence.

A love that never makes assumptions.

A love that is different and unique in this world

Nothing more and nothing less.

You deserve a love that is simply a loving escape.