Every Good Thing She Carries

First and foremost,

Thank you, God, for her.

Thank you for a love I didn’t see coming,

Yet somehow feels like it was always on its way.

She arrived like answered pray,

Like light slipping through a window I didn’t know was open,

She changed the rhythm of my life,

And introduced a new sound known as love.

She loves me in languages I had never learned,

In ways my heart didn’t know it could be spoken to,

I’m truly grateful to her,

And every good thing she carries.

I love the way she wears confidence,

It’s not loud or forced,

But it’s like how sunlight rests on the morning,

Natural and undeniable.

She knows her beauty,

Not just what the mirror reflect,

But what her soul has always whispered.

She stands in her truth,

Unmoved by doubt,

Rooted in a quiet certainty that inspires mine.

I am unguarded with her,

Able to place my thoughts in her hands,

Without fear of them breaking,

I trust her with my heart,

The way one trusts something sacred,

Knowing she will treat it well,

As something more precious than rubies.

Her kindness flows without hesitation,

Like a river that does not question where it’s going,

Only that it must give.

She welcomes my world as if it were her own,

Meeting my people with warmth,

Welcoming others with grace,

That feels both rare and familiar.

There’s beauty in her generosity,

But even more in the way she gives it freely.

She is my partner in every sense,

Steady in joy,

Present in hardship,

Unshaken when life asks more of us.

I don’t just exist with her,

I experience all the true beauty of life.

She is the one I walk beside,

Equally yoked,

Aligned in purpose,

Moving in the same direction,

With hearts that understand each other.

She is a woman who reveres You,

Who places You at the center,

And allows that love to overflow into everything else.

I see it when she prays,

When she reads Your Word,

When she moves with faith,

Even when the path isn’t clear.

I know she is not here by chance,

You wrote her into my life,

With intention,

With care,

With love that only You could design.

So I thank You,

For preparing me for her,

For allowing our paths to meet,

For the love we now carry together,

And for every good thing you placed inside of her.

Where Fewer Footsteps Follow

It feels strange now,

Not hearing your footsteps beside mine.

There was a comfort in your presence,

A quiet reassurance,

In knowing I wasn’t walking alone

Every road I wandered,

You were there,

Or at least,

I believed you would be.

I refused to move without you,

Anchored myself to your pace,

Convinced myself that us together,

Was the only way forward.

There were moments you drifted behind,

But I waited.

I always waited.

I slowed my stride,

Stilled my progress,

Lingered in places I was never meant to stay.

Just to hear your sound,

Just to barely hear your footsteps.

And for a while,

That felt like love.

But somewhere along the journey,

The distance grew louder than your presence.

The silence between your steps,

Began to echo.

I started to notice everything.

How often you fell behind,

How often I paused my becoming,

Just to keep you near,

And I told myself it was loyalty.

I told myself it was patience,

But wisdom whispered something different.

Not every path is meant to be shared.

Not every companion,

Is meant for the destination.

I want to keep walking,

No, I need to keep walking.

And I can’t keep silencing my purpose,

To hear footsteps that no longer match my own.

So I made the choice,

And broke my promise to you,

I decided to keep going.

It hurt,

God, it still hurts.

There is an ache in outgrowing someone,

You once couldn’t imagine losing.

But even in the quiet,

I realized something profound,

That I was never truly alone.

There are footsteps next to me,

Still walking beside me,

They’re steady and present,

Aligned with where I’m going,

Not pulling me back,

Not asking me to shrink,

But growing with me.

I understand now,

To walk in wisdom,

Sometimes it means walking away.

I once prayed you would catch up to me.

But now I pray something different for you,

I pray you find your own path.

I have finally accepted,

What my heart fought for so long,

Some people are meant for a chapter,

Not the entire journey,

And I must keep moving forward,

Even if the road ahead echoes softer,

Where fewer footsteps follow.

Praying For Nothing

I remember the first time I was praying for nothing,

I wasn’t expecting anything in return,

I was just praying a meaningless prayer that day,

I didn’t care if God was listening to this prayer,

I believed God didn’t care,

I believed He was content in not doing anything for me,

I believed in my worst fears over Him,

And I was scared out of my mind for months,

I was letting nightmares consume me for months,

With no room for sweet dreams to keep me comfort.

Yet I still found myself praying,

Despite my heart not being into it,

Or no longer believing in the power of prayer,

I still prayed that I could get better again,

I still prayed to find peace and happiness,

I still prayed expecting nothing in return.

My Conversation With God

Why do I pray to you every single day?

Is it because I’m required to?

Is it because I’m trying to get something I want that only you can give me?

Or is it for a specific reason?

Please, give me the answer.

Am I praying because religion requires it for me to get into Heaven?

Am I praying because I have to place my hopes, wishes and dreams in you?

Am I praying because it will help me fulfill a specific purpose in my life?

I don’t know, but I hope that I can find the answer for myself.

I’ve lost my faith in religion, I hope that doesn’t offend you.

It’s just that I recognized that I can’t rely on church to get me closer to you.

There are too many rules, politics, judgement and discrimination involved within the church that make it hard to get close to you.

Please forgive me when I say that church is not the gateway to you.

Instead, I think that it’s a dangerous tool.

However, I still want to use it but with caution.

But I recognize that it’s not the answer to you.

Only my faith and relationship with you is the answer.

I hope that you’re with everyone that I care about.

I hope that you’re with everyone that has hurt me in different ways.

I hope that you’re with everyone that needs you right now.

I hope that you can give them all the strength to fight the demons that they’re dealing with that I have knowledge and little knowledge about.

I hope and pray.

As our conversation is coming to an end, I want you to know that I love you with all my heart.

I’m not ashamed of having you in my life.

You’re the one thing that has helped me believe in myself.

You taught me that hard work, patience and dedication will lead to the miracles in my life.

I thank you for the strength you’ve given me to go get my blessings that you established in my life.

Thank you for all the things you have done in my life.

And thank you for this conversation.