A Loving Escape

I want to be a place you feel safe.

I want to be a place you call home.

I want to be considered the best place on Earth for you.

A place where you can relax your mind.

A place where I’m your peace.

Let me be a sweet dream you never want to wake up from.

A dream that takes you away from the nightmares of this world.

Let me be all that and more for you.

I want to cater to you.

I want to fulfill all your wants and needs.

I don’t want to fail you.

I want to be a place you can be yourself.

A place you can be free.

You don’t need to be scared.

I’m holding on to you and never letting go.

My love will always be here to comfort and support you.

I promise that it’s not going anywhere.

It’s here for you,

And it’s only for you.

When you feel alone,

I’ll be there for you.

When you don’t feel heard,

I’ll listen to you.

When you need encouragement,

I’ll provide it.

When you need love,

I’ll give it to you.

I want to be place full of love and kindness for you.

A place full of optimism and hope.

A place full of care and support.

I want to be that more than anything for you.

You have my word.

I want to provide you a different kind love.

A love you have never received before.

A love that you’ve been yearning and waiting for.

A love that’s a safe haven for you.

That’s all I want to do for you.

I want to love you like you’ve never been loved before.

I don’t want to give you a fairy tale love.

A love based on imagination and promising possibilities.

A love that assumes we’ll be happily ever after.

A love that is typical and practiced constantly in this world.

You don’t deserve that kind of love.

You deserve real love.

A love based on facts and evidence.

A love that never makes assumptions.

A love that is different and unique in this world

Nothing more and nothing less.

You deserve a love that is simply a loving escape.

Come Back

Life isn’t the same without you.

I want us together again.

Please, come back to me.

Come back into my spirit.

I miss you.

I miss who I used to be.

I can’t continue living life like this.

It’s damaging my soul not having you around.

I’m lost in a world full of darkness.

Please come back and be my light.

I need to see again.

I want to see the world so clearly again.

I can’t be anything without you.

It’s a struggle to survive.

Please revive me.

I want life in this vessel again.

I want to thrive and be happy again.

Happiness seems like a distant, impossible dream now.

Depression is sadly my dark, twisted fantasy.

It’s a nightmare that I can never wake up from.

Unless you come back to me.

Come back to me, please.

I’ll do anything to have you back.

I need you back.

Please, come back to me.

Can you come back to me?

I hope you can.

I hope it’s not too late.

Come back.

I Want More

I want more in this world.

I can’t settle for less anymore.

I can’t just survive.

I long and crave for everything I’ve imagined.

There’s a hunger I have that I need to satisfy.

I settled for crumbs for too long.

I almost starved myself to death.

I have a thirst that will never be quenched with an empty glass.

I need to fill my glass up.

I have to have everything I want and more.

I’m tired of just surviving.

I want to be thriving.

There’s no way I can stay in the same place.

I can’t keep going through the same, boring, safe cycle.

I long for adventure.

I long for danger and excitement.

I long for opportunities that eyes can’t see.

I want to go through changes.

I can’t be who I am now for the rest of my life.

I want to be better.

I want to evolve.

I want to grow.

I want to be different.

I want more.

A Slow Process

The process of healing from anything is slow.

All it takes is a little faith, patience and trust.

There were times that I didn’t have time to trust the process.

Life was pushing me to hurry up a slow process.

Sometimes I would just forget about the whole process altogether.

Healing took too much time.

I couldn’t afford to give healing all my time.

Life had all my time.

The problems of life were always on my mind.

The pursuit of healing and happiness seemed like an impossible dream.

It seemed like only a few could have it.

Why couldn’t I be a part of the few?

Why was I a part of the masses that couldn’t heal or find happiness?

I wondered.

Every little thing in life just distracted me.

All the pain and hurt I kept inside held me hostage.

I could never be free.

I was always a slave to the past.

I thought freedom was an impossibility.

I’m free from bandage now.

Yet the wounds are still fresh and visible to me.

I hope they can disappear soon.

Or maybe they’ll just end up being a scar I barely notice.

It’s important to remember healing requires faith, patience and trust.

Healing is a slow process.

A Silly, Old Picture

I found a silly, old picture of myself.

It was taken years ago.

I looked so young.

I seemed so happy in this picture.

I also looked so silly.

Why did I close my eyes in this picture?

Actually, I did that a lot in pictures when I was younger.

It’s a shame.

I really do have some nice, light brown eyes.

I really had a lot of hair.

I can’t imagine myself with a lot of hair today.

Why did my parents decide to cut it?

I guess it would’ve been a lot to take care of it.

They had their own problems to deal with at that time.

They had some serious problems that they could never solve.

My hair was one less problem for them.

I really had a big smile in this picture.

I didn’t care that my teeth were all over the place.

It didn’t matter to me.

I just wanted to smile.

Why was it so easy to smile?

Now, it’s a little hard with my crooked smile.

I try to hide it at times because it doesn’t look right to me.

I got braces now to help with that problem.

Hopefully, I can have the perfect smile soon.

Life seemed so easy.

Life seemed so simple.

Life seemed like something else in this silly, old picture.

Happy Days

Lately it’s been easier to smile.

It feels like I haven’t had a sad thought in ages.

I’m proud of myself.

I’m proud of who I’m becoming and who I will be.

I can see myself clearly in the mirror.

There’s a certain level of excitement that I have for myself.

It’s a new feeling that I never thought I could have.

I really am heading in the right direction.

There’s no misdirection in sight.

Everything for me is visible and seen.

I feel visible and seen.

I remember carrying so much hurt.

I remember handling unnecessary shame.

I remember fighting demons.

I remember being lost and afraid.

I remember those days all too well.

Those days remain in the past.

Yet they haunt me every now and then in the present.

I hope I don’t have those days again in the future.

For now, I want to enjoy these days I’m having now.

They’re precious and priceless to me.

They mean everything to me.

I want them to last forever.

I’m thankful for these days.

These happy days.

An Empty Glass

I have an empty glass in my hand.

I long and thirst for something.

I look around and see nothing.

Total darkness surrounds me.

I feel like I belong in this black world.

A world of no color, light or joy.

A world that is simply a dark place.

An endless void of nothingness.

A world that I can relax in peace with no distractions.

Can this last forever?

A table appears in front of me.

On it appears to be two jars of liquid.

One jar has water in it.

The other jar has some sort of red liquid in it.

I have an opportunity to no longer thirst.

This was something I was waiting for.

Something I was hoping and praying for.

I look to choose a jar,

But I’m hesitant.

I shake the feeling away,

But then I stop myself.

I quickly realize that I will change.

I will no longer thirst.

If I no longer thirst,

Then where will I go?

Will I go to a better place?

Or will I go to an unimaginable, scarier place?

Plus, which jar should I choose?

Will water be enough to quench my thirst?

It’s pure and untainted.

It has a familiar taste that I need.

I have nothing to fear with water.

We all need water.

Yet, how do I know that this is good water?

Looks can be deceiving.

Maybe I’m supposed to choose the jar with the red liquid.

Perhaps I’m being tested,

And need to choose the red liquid.

Maybe it’s the one with the right nutrients and essentials,

And it could be a nourishment to my body.

Maybe it will help me survive.

Perhaps it’s the most honest,

Despite it’s unique look.

But it could be poisonous.

Perhaps there’s something fatal in the red liquid.

It could hurt me in more ways than one.

The possibilities are endless.

Which one should I choose?

I choose neither.

I turn my back away from the table.

I walk away from the two jars full of liquid that could’ve saved or killed me.

Why take an unnecessary risk?

I walk into total darkness.

I walk around and see nothing.

An endless void of nothingness.

A world that is simply a dark place.

A world of no color, light or joy.

A black world that I feel like I belong in.

Yet there’s something missing for me.

I long and thirst for something.

I have an empty glass in my hand.

Late Night Call

I remember the first and only time I heard your voice on the phone.

It was late at night,

And I was relaxing in bed.

You called me,

And I eagerly answered.

I was excited to hear your soothing, gentle voice

On a quiet, sleepless night.

It was warm and calming

Like a campfire on a beach.

Your voice put me in a dream-like, relaxing place.

A place that I really can’t describe.

A place that I never wanted to leave.

I remember wanting to learn everything about you.

I was intrigued and eager to learn.

I didn’t want you to hold anything back.

Thankfully, you didn’t disappoint me.

You told me about your dream of being a housewife.

Your desire to be more spiritual and closer to God.

Your obsession over a specific actor and his movies.

Your fears and worries,

You told me these things and many more without hesitation.

I admired you for that.

You were so open and honest with me.

You were real and authentic.

But most importantly,

You were not afraid to share yourself with me.

I was afraid to share myself with you that night.

I couldn’t share all of me with you.

There were reasons holding me back from doing such a thing.

Reasons that I couldn’t really ignore,

Despite you giving me such a sweet dream.

Reasons were telling me to wait.

Reasons were telling me to stay back,

When I wanted to get closer to you.

I wanted to open myself up to you.

I wanted to trust you so much that night,

But reasons wouldn’t allow it.

They refused to allow it.

How could they be so unfair to you?

Our late night call had a time limit,

And it was coming to an end.

It was late at night,

And we both had work in the morning.

We needed to end our call.

I didn’t want to say goodbye to you.

I didn’t want to wake up to reality.

I wanted to stay with you in this pleasant dream,

But I remember dreams don’t last forever.

They’re temporary,

And they end in an instant with or without your approval.

They may also never come back to you again,

Just like our first and only late night call.

Just For Today

I want nothing on my mind,

I just don’t want to think about anything.

It’s a terrible day to do such a thing.

I’m just having one of those days.

You know about those days, right?

It’s perfectly normal to have these days, right?

It just feels like I have them all the time.

I just have days of wanting to feel nothing,

When I’m feeling everything.

Why do I have these days?

What’s wrong with me?

No, nothing is wrong with me, right?

It’s just one of those days, right?

I just have to get through today.

Just deal with it all today.

Just for today.

Far, Far Away

I wonder about our future together,

I wonder if we’re meant to last forever,

I wonder to avoid the harsh reality,

I slip down the rabbit hole,

And I know I shouldn’t get lost like Alice in Wonderland

But I can’t help it,

Wondering is just another way of avoiding.

I should just talk to you

And tell you how I feel,

But I can’t do such a thing,

I’m too afraid to do such a trivial thing,

Yet I act like I’m so big, bold and strong

When I’m a really a cowardly lion in Oz.

There’s no place like you,

Yet I want to be in a world of pure imagination,

A place like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory

Full of sweets and all my desires,

Can that really be a better paradise than you?

There’s no way of knowing without going,

Yet I don’t want to be far from you,

I don’t want to be far from home,

But it’s too late,

I’m already far, far away.