On My Mind

Every time I’m progressing,

I find that I want to revert back to you.

You’re comfortable,

You’re easy,

You’re a sweet relief,

But then I remember how toxic you are for me.

You’re a distraction for me,

You have no purpose in my life now,

You’re just a reminder that I’m weak.

It’s sad that I don’t have the will power to completely let you go.

Oddly enough,

I depend on you,

I count on you when I’m tired,

I count on you as a backup option,

I count on you when I’m afraid of what’s in front of me.

I can’t keep doing that.

I have to let go of my dependence on you,

But I can’t do it just yet.

For now,

I just try my best to resist you every day.

Maybe one day you’ll no longer be on my mind.

Leaving You Behind

I want you to know that I’m hurting too,

It’s not easy to ignore you

Or push you away,

But I found that I’m happier without you.

I can see the joy in life clearly,

And I want to experience more of it.

I just want to think about myself,

I just want to take care of myself,

I don’t want to worry about you anymore,

Maybe I’m wrong for having this selfish mentality,

But something tells me I’m not entirely wrong.

Something tells me I deserve to treat myself right,

After putting you first each and every time.

I’m missing you,

But I’m not needing you anymore.

I’m changing and growing in a better way.

Surely you can be happy for me,

But I know you want me to think about you.

Maybe someday I’ll come back for you,

But for now I’m leaving you behind.

Unhealed Scars

You don’t want your scars to fade away

Or be somewhat healed.

You want to showcase them,

You want to show how messed up and brutal they are to the world,

But you especially want me to see them.

You want me to feel bad for you,

You want me to feel your pain,

You want me to feel your struggle,

I did feel those things for years because it mattered to you,

But I just can’t anymore.

I’m repulsed and disgusted by the scars I’ve seen for years,

That’s the truth.

It makes me sick that you’re addicted to your scars.

Why do you hold on to them?

Can’t you see that’s the reason I keep my distance?

You just refuse to see the truth,

You’re too absorbed with your scars,

You’re too obsessed with your scars,

You’re too dependent with your scars,

You say your scars hurt every time you talk to me,

But make no effort to treat them.

I used to believe there was more to you than just your scars.

I used to believe in a different person.

A person I sincerely wanted in my life,

But now you’re almost unrecognizable to me,

And I don’t want you in my life

Because all you show me are your unhealed scars.

Ending a Journey

It’s so easy to end a journey

Why is that?

I think it’s easy because it’s always your choice,

When you want it to end.

Maybe you want to end your journey at the very beginning,

Because you realized early on the journey wasn’t really meant for you.

Maybe you’re tired of your journey,

And you just want to quit for sweet relief.

Maybe you reached your destination,

And the journey fulfilled its purpose.

Maybe there was no real reason why you ended a journey,

It just happened randomly.

But you’re always in control of when your journey ends,

You can always choose your ending.

Like it or not,

You’re the one in charge.

You’re the one that reaches the end.

No one can tell you when you reached the end.

Only you know when.

Only you can be satisfied with the ending,

Only you can be disappointed with the ending.

Ending a journey brings out the truth in us.

Ending a journey can be sad.

Ending a journey can be rewarding.

Enduring a Journey

It’s so easy to hate a journey

Why is that?

I think it’s because it’s easy to gravitate to the things we can control.

For instance,

A journey can become long, tiring and unbearable.

When that happens,

It’s hard to be determined,

It’s hard to be positive,

It’s hard to be grateful,

It’s hard to be faithful,

It’s hard to be the best version of yourself,

When you have no idea when your journey will come to an end.

The things you once controlled are no longer safely with you.

They’re either gone forever,

Or they’ll make some appearances here and there on your journey,

So what do you do?

Naturally,

You gravitate towards negativity,

You gravitate towards sadness,

You gravitate towards laziness,

You gravitate towards fear,

You know these things won’t help you in your journey,

But they’re the things you can have control over in the middle of your journey.

They comfort and distract your from your journey.

Enduring a journey brings out the worst in us.

Enduring a journey can be scary.

Enduring a journey can be hard.

Starting a Journey

It’s so easy to start a journey

Why is that?

I think it’s because beginnings are easy to control,

We can control how determined we are,

We can control our feelings and attitudes,

We can even control our perspective,

Everything is in our control.

And we know how we want our journey to start and end.

We have set plans and goals for our journey,

We think we’re prepared,

We think we have everything we need,

All packed in a suitcase.

Starting a journey brings out the best in us.

Starting a journey is exciting.

Starting a journey is easy.

No More Voices

I haven’t been hearing your voice or whispers lately.

Have you left or escaped me?

I crawl and check my closet every single day,

And every single day I see your lifeless body.

You have not gone anywhere.

You’re still in my closet.

Why then can I not hear your voice or whispers in my closet?

Why is it just another quiet night?

Why do I constantly think about the blood on the wall?

I have so many questions,

But no one can answer them for me.

Maybe I shouldn’t be thinking about such questions,

I don’t have the time to do such a thing.

I’m dying right now,

And I have no interest in surviving.

There’s just no point in living anymore,

Now that you two are gone.

My vision is slowly blurring,

Breathing has become such a tedious exercise.

My blood is rapidly leaving my body,

Never to return to me.

The pain in my arms is everlasting,

Death is now here for me,

Waiting patiently to take me away from this dark, cruel place.

Tonight is the night that I die,

But before I let death take me away,

I need to see you one last time.

I need to make sure you suffered.

I need to ensure my revenge is complete.

I need to believe you’re gone for good.

For one last time,

I crawl over to my closet,

And open the door.

I see your lifeless body,

And I see his soulless body as well.

I weakly push him out the way and embrace you.

I can’t hold on to you very long.

I don’t feel anything from you anymore,

You’re no longer in this world.

You’re gone for good,

And now I can finally die.

And end this terrible nightmare.

Suddenly, I can’t feel anything.

Darkness is all around me,

I’m no longer trying to breathe,

I no longer have control over my body.

Death has me in its hold.

But most importantly,

There are no more voices.

Just silence.

Purple Eyes: Part Three

She has led him to a disturbing place,

A familiar place that is a disgrace to his soul.

He thought he could forget about this place,

He thought he could outrun the suffering he experienced in this place,

But he was wrong.

She brought him back to this nightmarish place.

She brought him back to this diner,

So late into the night,

Where he met an unfortunate fate.

What does she hope to do for him?

What does she hope to show him at this late night diner?

I don’t want to go any further,

I feel like I shouldn’t be here at all.

This strange diner,

This diner that is so familiar to me.

A diner I never stepped foot in.

Why did she lead me here in the first place?

What could possibly still be waiting for me there?

I try my best to run away from her,

But she’s still holding on to my hand tightly.

There’s no escape from her.

I start crying and pleading for her to let me go,

I’m begging her to spare me from any more pain.

The woman with purple eyes says nothing,

She only continues leading me to a familiar place,

A familiar place that I thought I would never visit again.

We’re getting closer and closer to the diner,

And I’m starting to feel sick in my stomach.

I refuse to go any further,

But the woman with purple eyes keeps pulling me along,

No matter how much I resist.

It’s inevitable that I will see it.

We make it to the diner,

Then we go through the alley that’s next to the diner.

As we go deeper into the alley,

Darkness consumes us,

And light is nowhere in sight.

The full eventually comes out right on cue,

And I see we’re next to a dumpster,

We’re stepping in a puddle of something,

I look down and stop

I see we’re stepping in a puddle of blood,

But it’s not the scariest or strangest thing I see.

I see my dead body.

Blood on the Wall

There’s blood on the wall,

Don’t worry it’s not your blood,

Or even his blood.

I cleaned all of that up days ago.

It’s mainly my blood on the wall.

I’ve been losing a lot of blood recently,

And I think I’m close to dying.

It’s my fault really,

I’ve been cutting myself too much,

These past few days.

At first,

I was just making tiny, little cuts on my arms.

They were completely harmless cuts.

I don’t know why I started doing this,

But it led to me wanting to do more.

I became addicted to hurting myself,

Seeing my blood trickle down my body.

It was satisfying and pleasurable for me,

But I needed more blood,

I needed more pain,

So I started creating deeper and bigger cuts on my arms.

Now, I find myself barely able to move.

Breathing is nearly impossible for me now.

I really need to go to a hospital,

I need to have my life saved,

Because I’m completely helpless,

And death is near and close to me at this very moment.

Is this how you both felt,

When I just kept stabbing and stabbing you both?

And just created bigger and deeper cuts,

You just never knew when I would stop,

Or when the pain and suffering would go away.

I think understand what you both were feeling,

And maybe that’s why I decided to cut myself

But just look at the mess I made,

Just trying to understand you both.

Just trying to understand your last moments of living.

My blood is everywhere,

My blood is on the floor,

My blood is on the couch,

My blood is even on you two,

But the blood is especially on the wall.

This is the end of “Blood on the Wall,” the second poem of the Night Terrors poetry series.

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on “Blood on the Wall.”

“Whispers in my Closet” will be the next poem of the Night Terror series that will be posted next Saturday.

Purple Eyes: Part Two

There is a distinct beauty in her,

Despite her face being a blur in the night,

The eyes illustrate a work of art is hidden,

The eyes only give you a small glimpse of a hidden treasure.

A hidden treasure so many people hope and long to see in their lifetime,

Can she be revealed to the world?

There’s no way of knowing for sure,

There’s no way of knowing her true intentions so late into the night,

She’s not yet ready to reveal such things,

She only wants to reveal her purple eyes.

I believe this person is a woman,

Despite only seeing her feminine-like purple eyes.

I don’t know how to explain it,

But there’s something familiar about her.

There’s something comforting and reassuring about her.

All my anxiety and worries are gone,

And I’m simply at peace.

Why does she decide to be my peace at this time?

I know it’s crazy to say this,

But I trust her,

And I feel like she would never hurt me.

If anything,

She wants to be my light in this dark world,

My compass to lead me in the right direction,

She has to want to help me escape this scary city,

I’m sure of it.

She suddenly grabs my hand,

And she wants to lead me somewhere.

I choose not to resist her,

And I willingly follow her,

In hopes that I can be led to a better place,

A place far away from this city,

And the sick people that exist in it.

As we’re walking for a few minutes,

I feel my heart rate suddenly increase.

I find myself shaking again,

And I’m not sure why I’m doing such a thing.

We turn a corner,

And I immediately stop in my track.

I don’t want to go any further.

I see what’s in front of me,

And I want to run in the opposite direction.

For some reason,

I can’t be near this place.

I can’t be at this diner in the city.