My Sweet Poison

I don’t know why I’m thinking about you right now.

I guess I miss you and hope you’re doing good.

Do you remember the times we had?

I remember them on my loneliest of days.

I miss them with a passion.

I wish we could have those times back once more.

I wish like Stevie Wonder.

I remember how much you loved him, my Cherie amour.

It was always special listening to him with you.

There are so many things I still want to do to you.

I still want to admire you and never stop admiring you.

I still want to look at you and never stop looking at you.

I still want to hold you and never let you go.

I still want to love you and never stop loving you.

Sadly, it’s not possible.

We had to go our separate ways.

I know we loved each other, but we weren’t meant to be together.

We could only be a short-term relationship.

I knew this, but you never did.

You thought we were endgame.

You thought we were meant to have a long life together.

You had this beautiful fantasy for us that I wanted to believe in.

It was a sweet dream, but I could never dream or believe in it.

I was stuck in the harsh reality.

I want to forget about you, but I can’t.

You were the worst, but I can only see the good in you.

You were toxic, but you were sweet.

You are my sweet poison.

The Girl I Never Want to See Again: Part Two

Just to recap, I was working at Sheetz on my usual 6am-2pm shift last summer on a Saturday. Instead of working at the register, my usual spot, I ended up working in the kitchen with my coworker Monica because we understaffed. Around 11:00 am, it got really busy and hectic at Sheetz, and I just wanted craziness to end. Miraculously, it all ended at noon, and these two pretty women came into the store. One was black and the other one was white. As they were ordering food, the white girl was staring at me, an it was weird to me. So, I decided to give her a sweet look and smile at her. A few minutes later, my coworkers were on the headset telling me that the black girl was staring at me like crazy. They were joking around and telling me to shoot my shot, and I was thinking about it because both women were beautiful to me. However, it wasn’t important to me because it’s not my prerogative to get girls at Sheetz. I’m just at Sheetz to work and be friendly. Anyways, I handed them their food and thought that it was the end of that. Then, the black girl came back inside Sheetz, approached the order point and asked for me to come over. Then, the black girl smiled and said, “So, my friend Jessica thinks you’re cute, and she wanted me to give you her Snapchat.”

Now, let’s dive on in to “The Girl I Never Want to See Again: Part Two”

I found myself smiling and laughing in front of this pretty, black girl because my coworkers were in my headset still making distracting comments in my ear. I tried to tune them out, but it was a struggle. The black girl chuckled and asked, “Is everything okay?”

I laughed and responded, “Yeah, I’m sorry, my coworkers are in my ear like crazy, and I didn’t catch what you asked me. Did you want my snapchat or something?”

“Oh no, my friend Jessica wanted me to give you her Snapchat,” she said.

I understood, and I said, “Oh yeah sure, I just have to go to the break room real quick and get my phone.”

So, I walked towards the break room and everyone on my headset was asking what was going on. I said, “Well, I have to get my phone because the black girl’s friend wants me to add her on Snapchat.”

Everyone was going crazy. Monica was saying, “Okay, Isaiah. I see you. You got these girls shooting their shots with you.”

Mario added, “Isaiah is just too cute! It’s ridiculous!”

My coworkers had me in tears, and I just couldn’t resist laughing. When I made it back to the black girl, I found Derek trying to talk to her. I guess he was trying to shoot his shot or something, and I didn’t know what to do. Then, I saw the black girl’s eyes meet mine, and she pleaded with her eyes for me to hurry up and come over. I quickly come, and I start opening my Snapchat and trying to find Jessica on it. While I’m doing this, Derek is still talking. He was jokingly saying, “Yeah, you know Isaiah is somewhat of a player around here. He gets about 10 or 15 numbers a week. There’s just so many pretty girls trying to get with him, so you know you got to be careful with this one. You’re just so pretty, and I just want to make sure you know what you’re getting into.

I was laughing a little, but the black girl was just trying to ignore him. Then, I found myself kind of confused because he was joking about me being a player. Last week, Derek told me that he was trying to get a girl’s phone number, but she asked him how often he tried to get a girl’s number at Sheetz. Derek responded, “Oh, all the time. I do this like 10-15 times a week.”

This was unappealing to the girl, and Derek ended up not getting the number. I told him that it was definitely a mistake to tell her that he constantly asks for numbers all the time because it gave off major “player” vibes. I continued, “Don’t make your first impression something that you’re not because it’s a lie. You’re not a player, Derek. You’re a nice, chill guy. Show that authentic, true side of you because a girl will more than likely appreciate that more than you being something that you’re not.”

After reflecting on the advice I gave Derek last week, I didn’t understand why Derek created this image of me that wasn’t true to this girl. I found this interesting, and I was wondering if he was trying to get the girl’s Snapchat for himself. I was thinking to myself, “I hope it’s not that serious for Derek. If he was really trying to finese this girl by painting me in different light, then that would be messed up.”

I decided to not give it too much thought because maybe Derek was just joking around and what not innocently. However, Derek’s words to the black girl would come back and hurt me later in this story.

Anyways, I had Jessica’s Snapchat information on my phone, and the black girl smiled and left. Afterwards, my coworkers came over to me and asked what happened. I told them everything that happened, and they applauded me. I thanked them, and Mario asked, “So wait, all you did was literally look at this girl, and she just wanted your Snap just like that.”

I shrugged and said, “Yeah man, I just gave her the “look,” and she just couldn’t resist. I guess the force is strong with me.

We all ended up laughing, and Mario appreciated my little “Star Wars” joke. After all of that, it was close to quitting time. Before I could leave, Monica pulled me to the side and asked if I was thinking about messaging Jessica, and I told her I wasn’t sure. Then, she said, “Isaiah, you gotta give her a chance. Not every girl is like that Philadelphia girl you talked about with me. This girl is probably different and better. I think you should give her a chance, it could be fun and good for you.”

I agreed with Monica and reluctantly told her that I would give Jessica a chance. I was just worried I would be in another crazy situation like I was with the Philadelphia girl.

Anyways, I went home and contemplated if I wanted to give Jessica a chance. After a few minutes, I went on Snapchat and messaged, “Hey what’s up.”

Ten minutes later, she responded with a cute picture of herself with the caption, “Heyyyy, I’ve been waiting for you to message me! I’m so excited you messaged me!”

This is the end of “The Girl I Never Want to See Again: Part Two.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this story. Also, check out “The Philadelphia Girl,” if you haven’t yet! Parts 1-4 can be found in the table of contents on The Warfield Zone!

On Tuesday, I will be posting and sharing part three of “The Girl I Never Want to See Again.” On Thursday, I will be posting and sharing the fourth and final part.

This weekend, I will be posting and sharing poetry on the Warfield Zone.

The Girl I Never Want to See Again: Part One

Last summer, I was working at Sheetz on my usual 6am-2pm shift on a Saturday. I was expecting a normal, typical day up at my usual spot, which is the register. However, the manager had other intentions for me. My manager needed me to be in the kitchen because we were understaffed that day, and I was needed more in the kitchen. I didn’t mind working in the kitchen, but again I was expecting a normal day at the register.

Anyways, I was working with Monica, my coworker, early in the morning. Now, she was usually in the kitchen, while I was up front at the register on the weekends. I didn’t mind working with Monica because she was really fun and awesome to work with on the weekends. We had a brother-sister type of relationship at work, and it was great. We would tease and annoy each other like crazy, and it always made the day go by faster when we were having fun at work. Now, we were going to be working in the kitchen together, and I knew that it was going to be a blast.

I remember how we were just joking and arguing with each other, and it was the best time. We were doing this the majority of the morning, and it really made time past like crazy. We even had time to have a serious, personal talk as we were cooking and making food. I just listened to her as she was talking to me about her situation. Monica talked a good 30 minutes about her situation, and I gave her sound advice. I was telling her that she was strong enough to get through her ordeal and create a better life for herself. She just had to be willing to fight and go get her blessing. Monica thanked me for the encouragement, and we went back to joking around.

At around 11:00 am, Mario and Derek, two of my coworkers, came into work. Mario was helping Monica and I in the kitchen, while Derek was helping up front and other places. Then, it got crazy busy for about an hour. Everyone was all over the place, and it was just complete chaos at Sheetz. Orders were piling up on the screen like crazy, and I didn’t think we would survive in the kitchen. I was sweating and working myself to death trying to make food, and I was asking myself why I decided to come to work today. I should’ve called off, I said to myself. I should have called in sick to have a nice, chill Saturday at home. It was a messy hour, and I didn’t know how I would survive.

Miraculously, I was able to survive the crazy rush at Sheetz. I was tired and winded from the rush we had, when these two pretty women came into the store. They were around the same age as me, and it looked like they had just finished working out. They were both very attractive, and they were just looking nice and fit. One was black, and the other one was white. Anyways, they approached the order points, and I noticed that the white girl was kind of staring at me. I didn’t know what to do because it was weird to me. I was just making food, and I didn’t know why she was staring at me. So, I gave her a sweet look and smiled at her. She blushed, smiled back at me and walked away. I thought that was the end of it, but it was only the beginning.

As I was making food, Monica on her headset said, “Isaiah, don’t look now, but the black girl is staring at you like crazy.”

Whenever you use a headset at work, it’s primarily used for an individual to communicate with everyone simultaneously. So, when Monica said this, everyone heard and chimed in with their opinions. They were telling me to shoot my shot and get the digits. Mario said on the headset, “Wow, I wish that I could have Isaiah’s looks and get girls staring at me.”

I laughed and told Mario to be quiet. I said to him, “Bro, chill. You’re just as handsome as me, okay?”

“Yeah, whatever, Isaiah. I don’t need your lies. I’m ugly and I’m proud. We all know that you should be a model or something, ” Mario stated.

Everyone agreed, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Mario started laughing and started saying that I was just too cute. I was laughing some more, and I told him to just be quiet. Then, I thanked him for pumping me up.

Derek added, “Isaiah, this girl is pretty. I’m gonna try and talk to her friend, but you have to try and talk to your girl.”

Monica said, “Yeah, she’s a cutie. Isaiah, do you want to jump at the register and get her number?”

I was thinking about it, but it wasn’t that important to me. I don’t really try to hit on girls or get their numbers at Sheetz. I might try to “talk” to girls once in a blue moon, but it’s not my prerogative to get girls at Sheetz. In fact, it’s the last place I would go to pick up girls. Honestly, I’m at Sheetz to work, be friendly with my coworkers and customers, and that’s it. Nothing more and nothing less.

So, I told Monica that I was good and continued to cook in the kitchen. I finished two orders, and I gave them to the black and white girl. I smiled, handed them their food and told them to have a good day. My coworkers were making jokes on my headset and telling to shoot my shot, but I ignored them. The girls thanked me and left Sheetz.

It had died down at Sheetz, and it was nice and chill. A few minutes later, the black girl came back inside Sheetz, approached the order point and asked for me to come to her. As I was walking to the order point, my coworkers on my headset were oohing and aahing like crazy, and I couldn’t help but smile. When I made it to the order points, the black girl smiled at me and said, “So, my friend Jessica thinks you’re cute, and she wanted me to give you her Snapchat.”

This is the end of part one of “The Girl I Never Want to See Again.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this story.

I will be sharing and posting part two on Thursday.

Chasing After You

I can see you clearly now.

I want you now more than ever.

I have to be clever and never lose you.

I have to keep you close to my heart, so that we can never be apart again.

Sadly, that’s all my fault.

You did nothing wrong with me.

In fact, you were always by my side, when I did nothing but neglect you.

How could I treat you so bad?

How could I not see your beauty needed my undivided attention?

How did we end up having an on-and-off relationship?

I was lost in this world at a very young age.

I was intoxicated by my own selfish desires, and I couldn’t see you anymore.

You were lost to me in the wilderness I created in my life

I apologize for losing you over the years.

You deserved commitment from me, and I wasn’t giving that to you.

I was distracted by other things, but now I realize you are what I want.

You are what I must have in my life.

If I don’t have you, then what do I have?

I have to ask, how can you be so forgiving?

Why have always been by my side?

Honestly, I now know that we’re destined to be together.

God put you in my life for a reason.

God knew that you were gonna bring out the best version of me.

God knew that you were gonna always believe in me.

God knew that you were gonna be patient with me.

God knew that we had something special that couldn’t compare.

Thank you for not giving up on me.

Thank you for being with me since the day I was born.

I see you now more than ever.

You are what I want in my life.

I am chasing after you.

This is the end of the poem “Chasing After You.”

This week, I will be posting part one of a four-part story titled “The Girl I Never Want to See Again.” Then, I will be posting part two on Thursday.

A Necessary Nightmare

I can’t stand what you do to me.

You deceive me into believing that I’m weak.

You blind me so that I won’t see the truth.

You manipulate me into being a coward.

You discourage me from being who I am.

You decide my fate and future in this world.

Why do you have so much power over me?

Why do I cower in your presence?

Why do you always want to limit my potential?

Why do you want control over my life?

Why do I allow you to have control over my life?

Why will you always be in my life?

It’s a constant fight with you.

Sometimes I win and sometimes you win.

I wonder when the fighting will be over, but it will never be over.

We’re destined to be at each other’s throats.

We’re destined to do this forever it seems.

We’re destined to do this till the day I die.

I hate that you’re in my life, but I’m thankful for you.

You make me and my faith in God stronger.

You’re in my life to push me towards success.

However, you’re also trying to push me towards my fears and failures.

You’re a dangerous, but necessary evil that I need in my life.

You are a necessary nightmare.

Checking Out a Soon-To-Be-Mom: Part Two

Just to recap, I found myself thinking about this regular Sheetz customer that I had last year. Her name was Brenda, and it was important for me to be friendly with her. She was pregnant, but it seemed like she was going through a rough time in life. So, I befriended her by talking to her about candy, making her drinks and making sure that I acknowledged her presence with a wave and a smile. Months passed, and I learned from my coworker, Marie, that she was unemployed and having a hard time finding a job because of her pregnancy. Plus, there was no father in the picture with Brenda. Finally, Marie informed me that Brenda was having twins. Now, let’s dive on in to “Checking Out a Soon-To-Be-Mom: Part Two.”

When Marie told me that Brenda was having twins, I couldn’t believe it. I thought to myself that it was crazy and unbelievable the situation that Brenda was in. She was unemployed, single and having twins. I couldn’t imagine going through that, and my heart was breaking for her. Marie saw my uneasiness and asked me if I was okay. I replied, “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just such a shame that she has to go through this on her own. It’s just not fair.”

Marie said, “I agree, I’m hoping for the best for her. I’m just hoping that she can take care of the children somehow. I’m hoping the kids will come out alright.”

I agreed with Marie, and I started telling her about my mom and how she was a single mom for a few years in my life.

I explained how my mom was really holding it together for us before she met my dad Shawn McNeil. My mom got pregnant with me in college, and she had to drop out. When she had me, it was important for her to take care of me and show me love. She was working as a waitress and other jobs to really make sure that I was taken care of. My mom was on food stamps at one point, but she got off them as soon as she had enough money to provide for the both of us. As the years passed, my mom has always assured her love to me and implemented that I wasn’t a mistake. She talks about how I saved her from a dark place, and she’s so thankful and blessed to have me in her life. My mom’s love for me means so much to me because it’s genuine and true. There’s nothing like a mother’s love.

After I said all of that to Marie, I added, “As long Brenda loves her twins, then they’re gonna be alright.”

In my opinion, love is the strongest thing in this world because it will push, drive and motivate you to provide for the people you love. Of course, you need the money and the opportunity to present itself, but if you don’t have love, then all that money and opportunity will be for nothing. What good is an apple if it’s filled with worms and no fruit? You need love to be at the forefront before anything else.

Anyways, I was hoping and praying that Brenda would have love in her heart for her children. In addition, I was hoping for money and opportunity to present themselves to Brenda because she needed it.

During the last month that I saw her, I was debating if I should have a serious conversation with her. I was asking myself if I needed to talk to her just like I talked to the stripper a few months back. However, I decided against it because it wasn’t needed from me. I just felt like I needed to continue to treat her with kindness and respect because it put a smile on her face and be in another place. A place where she wasn’t gonna be a soon-to-be mom.

I remember the last time I saw her, I was stocking some cups and lids. She came over to me and said, “Hey babe, how’s it going?”

“It’s going great, I can’t complain, how are you doing?” I replied.

“I’m doing great, hon. I’m about to have these babies soon, and you probably won’t see me for a while,” Brenda said.

I sighed and said, “That’s a shame. I’m definitely gonna miss seeing you. But thank you for being one my favorite regular customers, and I’m wishing you nothing but the best. I know you’re gonna be an amazing mom and do what you can for your twins.”

She smiled and said, “Thanks, babe, I really appreciate it. I’ll see you around.”

After that day, I haven’t seen her since. I’m just hoping that she has a good job, and she is also providing her children with love and care. I pray for her as much as I can, and I hope to one day see her again.

This is the end of “Checking Out a Soon-To-Be-Mom.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this short story.

I will be posting and sharing poetry on Saturday and Sunday!

Checking Out a Soon-To-Be-Mom: Part One

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself thinking about this regular Sheetz customer named Brenda. Brenda was a regular Sheetz customer last year, and she was always a delight for me. Brenda was funny, friendly, sweet and so much more. She was one of my favorite customers last year, and I just found myself praying for her because she ended up being a mom. Brenda was a couple years older than me, and she was about to be a single mom. I remember seeing her for months as she was pregnant. Now, I’m hoping that she got it all figured out, and she was able to be a great mother.

Last year, I was working up at the register at Sheetz, and it was a normal, typical day. It was the summertime, and we were busy and actually working a lot. Then, there was this moment during the day where the craziness died down, and I was able to relax. A few minutes later, this black woman came into the store. I took a look at her, and she was pretty. I could tell that she was around the same age as me, and I saw that she was pregnant. She was a few months pregnant, as far as I could tell, and she was in a serious rush to get out of Sheetz. I didn’t understand it. I was wondering to myself if everything was alright with her.

A few minutes later, she comes to my register with some drinks and snacks. I say hello to her, and she quietly replies hi back to me. As I’m ringing things up, I notice she’s looking down and really trying to avoid eye contact with me. I don’t know why, but something was telling me to strike a conversation with her. So, I looked at the stuff I was ringing up and noticed that she had candy. I smiled as I discovered that she had sour patch kids, my favorite candy. So, I said, “Okay, I see you with the sour patch kids. These are so good, you can’t go wrong with them.”

She chuckled at my remark and responded, “Yeah, these are good. Sour patch kids are banging.”

I laughed and said, “True that.”

We had a whole conversation about candy, and she was in a much better mood and more engaged with me. She eventually told me her names was Brenda, and I noticed that she was more relaxed and comfortable. When I had bagged everything and gave her the receipt, I was glad that she was smiling and happier. Before Brenda left, she asked me how are the drinks here at Sheetz. I responded, “Oh they’re pretty good, I enjoy them. You can’t go wrong with them, especially if I’m making them. I make sure to put nothing but TLC in them.”

She laughed and said, “Okay cool, then I’ll be sure to get one the next time I come in. You gonna make sure that you make it for me, babe?”

I responded, “I got you, the drink is going to be amazing and out of this world.”

She smiled and said, “Thanks babe, I’m looking forward to it. I’ll see you later.”

I told her it was no problem, and I watched her leave Sheetz. I was glad that I was able to put a smile on her face and put her in a good mood. I don’t know, it just felt like she needed it.

A few days passed, and Brenda came back to the store. When I saw her, I acknowledged her presence, smiled and waved at her. She smiled and waved back at me. She yelled that she was about to get a drink, and I responded, “No worries, I got you.”

Brenda ordered a frozen drink, and I started making it. We made conversation as I was making her drink, and she was telling me that she was going to be coming to the store more often. I was excited to hear this, and she appreciated my excitement. When I was done making drink, she took a sip of it and loved it. She said, “Ok, you got some skill. I’ll give you that. Thanks for the drink and conversation, babe, I’ll see you later.”

I smiled at her and said no problem and have a good one. She left the store, and I was once again happy that I had made her smile and forget whatever troubles she was dealing with in her life.

A few months had passed, and Brenda was a regular Sheetz customer. Every time she came in, I made sure to acknowledge her presence by waving and smiling at her. It was important to me to do this because I felt like she needed it. I wanted her to know that she was appreciated by me, and I could that that it meant a lot to her. I remember one of my favorite coworkers, Marie, had witnessed my friendliness to Brenda, and she told me that it was really sweet of me. I responded, “Yeah, I could just tell that she’s going through a lot and something told me that she just needs a friend.”

Marie was also kind of close to Brenda, and she told me that Brenda had gotten pregnant at a party. So, Marie wasn’t sure if there was a father in the picture to help Brenda. Also, Marie informed me that Brenda was struggling to find a job. Marie explained, “Yeah, Brenda told me that no one would hire her, and she’s just worried as she’s about to have her babies. No one will hire her because she’s pregnant, and it’s such a shame.”

I couldn’t believe it. I was wondering to myself if that was a form of discrimination, and Marie replied that she wasn’t sure. I just couldn’t believe that she was unemployed, but then I found myself confused as Marie said babies to me. I asked what she meant, and Marie replied and said, “Oh, she told me that she was having twins.”

This is the end of “Checking Out a Soon-To-Be-Mom: Part One.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this story.

On Thursday, I will be posting part two of “Checking Out a Soon-To-Be-Mom.”

By My Side

I remember when I was scared and didn’t know what I was doing.

I was losing at life and ready to throw in the towel.

I thought to myself that life was too strong of an opponent.

It was faster and stronger than me.

It’s punches were heavy and brutal.

It was like Muhammad Ali.

Floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee.

I couldn’t see my life with my own eyes and couldn’t get control it.

Instead, I just gave up fighting.

What was the point if I didn’t have the skills and necessary resources to beat life?

So, I let life beat me down to a bloody pulp.

Then, my dad came along.

He saw the hurt that I was going through and pushed me to get up.

He couldn’t bear seeing me lose at life.

My dad knew that I was meant to conquer my life.

My dad knew that I was meant to be a fighter, and he wouldn’t let me lie down in defeat.

Instead, he got me on my feet and trained me.

He trained me to fight life as man, not as a boy.

He trained me to be a planner instead of a procrastinator.

He trained me to believe in myself.

He trained me to strengthen my faith in God.

For He is a powerful ally to have to fight life and all it’s allies.

He fueled me with the necessary knowledge and resources to fight life.

My dad truly trained me well.

It’s a constant fight with life, but I’m hanging in there.

Life comes with many surprises and twists, and it sometimes knocks me out.

However, I quickly get back up and continue the fight.

I’m winning more rounds, and it’s thanks to my dad.

He wouldn’t let me give up on myself because he knew that I could beat life.

He knew that I could flourish in life.

He believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself.

I love you so much dad and thank you for always being by my side.

This is the end of the poem “By My Side.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this poem dedicated to my dad. I love you so much Shawn McNeil and thank you for being the best dad that I needed in my life. You’ve helped me reach unimaginable heights in life, and I’m so thankful and blessed to call you my dad.

This week, I will be sharing a two-part story this week called “Checking Out a Soon-to-be-Mom.” On Tuesday, I will be posting part one.

My Greatest Teacher

It’s hard to imagine who I’d be without you.

You’ve given me so much, and I can never repay you.

You taught me the beauty of love.

You taught me the significance of faith.

You taught me the importance of family.

You taught me the strength of integrity.

You taught me the power of honor.

You taught me the truth of manhood.

How could I ever repay you?

You taught me good things that some men are never taught.

You helped me learn good things that some men can never learn.

You showed me how a man treats a woman.

It’s with love, honor, respect and care.

It’s with work, strength, kindness and patience.

Sadly, some men treat women differently than how you showed me.

Thank you for making sure that I wasn’t like some men in this world.

Thank you for teaching me how to be a true man.

Thank you for helping me believe in myself as a man.

For a minute, I thought my past would stop me.

It’s always mocking me in the present and never seeming to go away.

However, you assure me that my past will not be my future.

You tell me that my past will be my light.

For it will illuminate my mistakes and tragedies.

However, it will show how far I’ve come.

I’m stronger, wiser, healthier and better because of my past.

I need my past to be who I am today and in the future.

Thank you for teaching me my past is my cure to the future.

You’ve been with me most of my life, and you’ve always had my back.

I’ll always cherish everything you taught me.

I’ll use your teachings and become the man you see me becoming.

I’ll be a man of God.

I’ll be a great husband and a great father to my children.

And I’ll pass down your teachings from generation to generation.

I love you so much dad.

Thank you for being my greatest teacher.

Never Missing A Thing

When I think about my dad, Shawn McNeil, I’m thankful for having him in my life. I think about his integrity, determination, hard work, respect, kindness, wisdom and love for others. In addition, I admire his faith and how he’s a true man of God. These things and more that he has instilled in his body, mind and soul are things that I strive for and cherish in my life thanks to him. He taught me how to be a man when I was three years old. He came into my life, and he did his job as my father. Throughout the years, he was always by my side and made sure that I not only felt love but understood it. Looking back on the years and now, I realize that my dad was never missing a thing with me.

When I was 11 years old, I remember that I was starting to learn how to play the drums thanks to my dad Shawn McNeil. He wanted my siblings and I to learn how to play either the drums or piano. Since all my siblings decided to learn how to play the piano, I naturally elected to play the drums. I was thinking to myself that somebody has to do it. We have to have a drummer in the family, right? Anyways, I learned for years how to play the drums by Mr. Charles and every year I would participate in a recital. When I was 12 years old, I had my first ever recital with my little brother Isaac. We were performing the song “I Believe I Can Fly” by R. Kelly. I remember I told my biological father Keith about the recital. He promised that he could make it to the recital, but he never did. I invited him to four recitals, but he never made it to any of them. I’ll admit that it bothered me a little when he made false promises to me, but it didn’t destroy me because of my dad. My dad went to all of my recitals, and I felt loved and appreciated because of him. I had my mom and dad at my recitals cheering me on, and it was all I needed to feel loved and appreciated.

In high school, I was a sprinter on the Track and Field team. I participated in the 100 meter, 200 meter, 400 meter and 4×400 meter relay. I told Keith about me being on the track and field team, and he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me to have his approval, especially in high school. I remember year after year he would always promise to come to a track meet, but he never did. It didn’t bother that much because I was used to his empty promises by now. Anyways, I wasn’t hurt that Keith wasn’t there because I had my dad supporting and cheering me on. In fact, he was always exercising and training with me to be a better runner. If it wasn’t for my dad, I probably would never have lettered in track and field. He pushed to be the best possible version of myself, and I’m constantly striving to be the best version of myself thanks to my dad.

One of the things that I really wanted to do in high school was join the theater and drama club. I wanted to act in a school play and/or musical. I talked to Keith about it one time, but he didn’t approve. He said that I shouldn’t do theater or drama club because it was “gay” to him. He didn’t approve of guys that did theater instead of sports, and he didn’t want me doing it. I couldn’t understand the toxic masculinity that existed within Keith, and it was sad and disappointing to me. At the same time, I was still trying to get his approval, so I didn’t do theater and drama club in my sophomore or junior year of high school. However, I did do it in my senior year of high school.

It was the fall play “Murder in the Knife Room” that really enticed me to want to join drama club in my senior year of high school, but I was hesitant because of Keith. My dad actually encouraged me to audition for “Murder in the Knife Room.” He told me that this was something that I needed to do, and it wasn’t gonna make me someone that I’m not. It was going to bring me happiness, and he was going to be there for me and support me. I appreciated my dad and his encouraging words. I ended up being Plastic Politician in “Murder in the Knife Room” and Lucas Beineke in “The Addams Family Musical.” Those two shows, the cast and crew hold a special place in my heart, but that’s another story. Anyways, my dad came to all of my shows, but Keith never came to one.

Around the time of my high school graduation, Keith was talking about how he was gonna come to my graduation. He made a promise to me, but he couldn’t come. I remember I was deeply hurt by this because I had opened myself up to him and believed him. Surely, he wouldn’t disappoint me on this important day in my life, but he did. Thankfully, my dad was there for me, and he was all I needed. He made sure that I wasn’t thinking about Keith rather all the people from my uncles, aunts, family friends, mom, siblings and others that were there for me. My dad made sure to be there with me when I got my diploma, and it meant so much to me that he was proud of me.

Now, I’ll always have love for Keith. I don’t know what’s going on his life, but I know that he’s struggling right now. I pray for him every single day because he is my father, and he will always hold a special place in my heart. However, I’m so thankful and blessed to have Shawn McNeil in my life because he made sure to be a father to me. He knew that I needed that support, and I needed an earthly father figure to believe in me. My recitals, track meets, shows and graduation were special to me because my dad was there for me when Keith wasn’t able to be that father to me. My dad made those things meaningful to me, and I’ll always be grateful for that. I’ll always cherish my dad for teaching me what love was because of those events in my life. I love you always dad, and thank you for never missing a thing with me.

This is the end of “Never Missing A Thing.”

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This weekend, I will be posting poetry dedicated to my dad Shawn McNeil on Saturday and Sunday.