An Old Conversation

I remember we had a lot of conversations together. 

Some silly and weird, 

Some serious and deep, 

Some fun and exciting, 

Some normal and ordinary. 

Despite all of these conversations, 

There’s an old conversation we had that I’ll never forget.

An old conversation that means the world to me, 

Even after so many years. 


I remember we were in your music room, 

It was such a small, cramped room. 

You always managed to make it big and wondrous

Like Wonderland for time was all messed up, 

Time had gone mad and jazz was the only thing that made sense. 

I remember all the unnecessary papers

Stacked and spread around like skyscrapers in a city, 

There was no room to explore this confined, 

Yet marvelous city

That you designed. 


I remember you had just finished playing the saxophone.

You serenaded me, 

Your only subject in your glorious empire, 

With your beautiful, magical playing. 

That day I was in a world of pure imagination,

And I could simply look around and view paradise. 

I wish I could have that day again once more

Why did that day ever have to go? 

I wonder. 


I remember you wanting to hear my thoughts, 

And all I could do was give you praise, 

And just cheer you on for such a wonderful performance

That was truly meant for me. 

You smiled

Like you had just completed a hard fought mission

That required the perfect execution,

And I had appreciated that from you

Because you were a hero to me, 

And you will always be one of the greatest heroes to me. 

No one could ever take your place.


I remember us starting our old conversation, 

It was a conversation I was not expecting to have with you, 

But I’m glad we had it

Because it would ultimately change me, 

And shape who I am today.

Without that old conversation, 

I would be a different person today. 


I remember you asking if I could teach you, 

Specifically how to play the drums. 

You wanted me to teach you, 

But I was not sure I could 

Because I only had a few years of experience,

And I thought you needed to learn from someone 

That was more experienced than me, 

Considering how you were an experienced saxophone player, 

One of the best in my opinion, 

There was just no way I could teach you.


I remember you laughing, 

When I refused to teach you,

And how you said something so profound and real, 

Something I can never forget, 

And I’ll always hold it close to my heart.

You said there’s power and beauty 

In sharing anything you can with others.

God calls us to share with others

Because we should strive to help others grow

And change for the better,

But more importantly,.

We have gifts and talents 

That are meant to be shared 

With others and the world, 

If we don’t share what we have, 

Then we are doing a disservice to ourselves and God. 

Always share what you can. 


I remember being astounded and awe-inspired

By your words of wisdom, 

I apologized for saying I could not teach you, 

But you assured me that I was fine,

You understood where I was coming from. 

Then you asked if I was ready to teach you, 

And if I was ready to accept the challenge. 

I smiled, 

And I just had this newfound excitement 

And urge to teach you how to play the drums.

I wanted to teach you what I could, 

You smiled, 

And said that meant everything to you.


I remember me promising to teach you, 

The plan was to teach you next summer, 

I would visit you in July, 

Spend a few weeks with you, 

And teach you how to play the drums.  

You were so happy to hear my plan, 

And you could not wait for me to teach you

And share what I could with you. 


I remember my plan being shattered in a few months, 

When you were diagnosed with dementia, 

A cruel disease that murdered your sweet mind, 

A mind that shared love, wisdom and strength to me, 

Reduced to confusion and terror. 

It hurt seeing you in that state

And not being able to do anything about it. 

It hurt knowing that the man I knew was gone, 

And would never come back.

And I desperately wanted and needed you back, 

I prayed and prayed in hopes that you would return, 

But you never did. 

You were gone.


I remember feeling hurt that you couldn’t remember. 

You couldn’t remember all the letters we wrote to each other. 

You couldn’t remember all the lessons you taught me. 

You couldn’t remember all the songs you played for me.

You couldn’t remember all the movies and TV shows we watched together. 

But most importantly, 

You couldn’t remember all the conversations we had together.

Those conversations meant everything to me, 

They connected me to you,

And helped shape who I am today. 

Although I was hurt that you couldn’t remember, 

I was still thankful that I could remember. 

And hold onto those conversations.


I remember making a promise to myself, 

After you had passed away.

I promised to always remember. 

As long as I remember, 

You will always still be in my heart, 

As long as I remember, 

You will live on through me. 

As long as I remember, 

I can never forget you 

And all the times we had together. 

But most importantly, 

As long as I remember an old conversation we had together, 

I know I’m making you proud. 

A Silly, Old Picture

I found a silly, old picture of myself.

It was taken years ago.

I looked so young.

I seemed so happy in this picture.

I also looked so silly.

Why did I close my eyes in this picture?

Actually, I did that a lot in pictures when I was younger.

It’s a shame.

I really do have some nice, light brown eyes.

I really had a lot of hair.

I can’t imagine myself with a lot of hair today.

Why did my parents decide to cut it?

I guess it would’ve been a lot to take care of it.

They had their own problems to deal with at that time.

They had some serious problems that they could never solve.

My hair was one less problem for them.

I really had a big smile in this picture.

I didn’t care that my teeth were all over the place.

It didn’t matter to me.

I just wanted to smile.

Why was it so easy to smile?

Now, it’s a little hard with my crooked smile.

I try to hide it at times because it doesn’t look right to me.

I got braces now to help with that problem.

Hopefully, I can have the perfect smile soon.

Life seemed so easy.

Life seemed so simple.

Life seemed like something else in this silly, old picture.