Tag: mental-health

I Wasn’t Supposed to Notice You

You were never part of the plan, 

Especially not here of all places, 

Not between tasks and passing hours, 

Not while I was busy becoming more, 

Busy becoming someone whole on my own. 

I was focused on my work, 

Focused on my discipline, 

Focused on keeping my world small and contained, 

Devoted only to God and myself, 

Or so I told myself, 

But then you appeared. 

Glasses catching the light like a pause in time, 

Brown eyes behind the frame, 

So steady and warm, 

Curly hair framing your face, 

As if it had a mind of its own, 

You were just soft chaos impossible to ignore,  

And a thought I wasn’t meant to finish. 

Now you arrive unannounced, 

Sliding through my phone like a whisper, 

And I tell myself not to linger, 

Not to desire you more, 

Like a precious gem admired only through glass, 

But I hesitate every time our paths cross, 

Caught between restraint and want. 

You feel real in a way you shouldn’t. 

You’re not loud or demanding, 

But you’re just present, 

You’re effortless, 

And hard to resist. 

I want to admire you quietly,

From a distance I swear I’ll keep. 

I don’t want more, 

That’s the truth I repeat like a prayer. 

I only want the spell to loosen, 

For your name to stop echoing, 

In the back of my mind. 

But you’re a drug I would never touch, 

Yet I wonder about your taste, 

Whether it’s love on the tongue, 

Or a beautiful nightmare in disguise. 

I rewind and rewind, 

Lingering too long on moments, 

That were never meant for me. 

I’m praying this doesn’t deepen. 

I’m praying that I can forget you, 

But I worry that it’s too late, 

Because I’ve already noticed you, 

And now every version of forgetting,

Feels like a lie. 

I carry your shadow in the corners of my mind, 

A fleeting echo I can’t leave behind. 

I Chose What I Knew

I miss you today,
Not in the way love demands,
But in the quiet ways that linger.
I miss our conversations,
The laughter that came easily,
The adventures that felt simple.
But more than anything,
I miss the friendship we once held,
And I wish it could still live here.

I remember the day you told me you loved me.
I didn’t know what to say.
It surprised me,
Not because it wasn’t sincere,
It was because my heart didn’t know how to meet yours there.

So I told you I had love for you too,
Trying to be careful with my words,
Making it clear that I’m talking about friendship,
Hoping that would be enough.
Then I tried to move forward
As if nothing had changed,
Pretending the moment hadn’t shifted us.
I knew it wasn’t fair,
But I was trying to protect us,
And what we already had.

You grew bolder with your hope.
You asked me, quietly and then clearly,
To imagine more with you.
And I chose not to see the signs,
Not because I didn’t value you,
But because I valued the safety of what we were.

I couldn’t envision love with you.
I couldn’t force a feeling
That wasn’t growing inside me.
And you deserved someone who was certain about you.
Someone who could choose love without hesitation.

I was content being your friend.
I was grateful for where we stood.
But you asked me to take a leap of faith,
And I chose something else,
I didn’t choose fear,
But I chose honesty.
I placed my faith in truth over desire,
In clarity over confusion.
We weren’t meant to walk the same path forward,
And I finally learned to accept that.

So yes, I miss you today.
I miss the time, the closeness, the ease we once had,
But I don’t regret the choice I made.

You walked away because friendship wasn’t enough for you,
And I respect that.
But friendship was enough for me.
It was safe.
It was genuine.
It meant everything in the way I knew how to give.

I didn’t choose love,
Not because I lacked it,
But because I didn’t understand it back then.I chose what I knew.
And today,
I’m grateful for what we were,
Even if we couldn’t become more.