I Chose What I Knew

I miss you today,
Not in the way love demands,
But in the quiet ways that linger.
I miss our conversations,
The laughter that came easily,
The adventures that felt simple.
But more than anything,
I miss the friendship we once held,
And I wish it could still live here.

I remember the day you told me you loved me.
I didn’t know what to say.
It surprised me,
Not because it wasn’t sincere,
It was because my heart didn’t know how to meet yours there.

So I told you I had love for you too,
Trying to be careful with my words,
Making it clear that I’m talking about friendship,
Hoping that would be enough.
Then I tried to move forward
As if nothing had changed,
Pretending the moment hadn’t shifted us.
I knew it wasn’t fair,
But I was trying to protect us,
And what we already had.

You grew bolder with your hope.
You asked me, quietly and then clearly,
To imagine more with you.
And I chose not to see the signs,
Not because I didn’t value you,
But because I valued the safety of what we were.

I couldn’t envision love with you.
I couldn’t force a feeling
That wasn’t growing inside me.
And you deserved someone who was certain about you.
Someone who could choose love without hesitation.

I was content being your friend.
I was grateful for where we stood.
But you asked me to take a leap of faith,
And I chose something else,
I didn’t choose fear,
But I chose honesty.
I placed my faith in truth over desire,
In clarity over confusion.
We weren’t meant to walk the same path forward,
And I finally learned to accept that.

So yes, I miss you today.
I miss the time, the closeness, the ease we once had,
But I don’t regret the choice I made.

You walked away because friendship wasn’t enough for you,
And I respect that.
But friendship was enough for me.
It was safe.
It was genuine.
It meant everything in the way I knew how to give.

I didn’t choose love,
Not because I lacked it,
But because I didn’t understand it back then.I chose what I knew.
And today,
I’m grateful for what we were,
Even if we couldn’t become more.

No One Likes Me

I wonder if people genuinely like me,

Or if they’re just tolerating me.

I can understand people struggling to like me,

I don’t like me sometimes,

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t me,

I’m sure that I can be annoying at times,

And people can’t wait for me to leave their presence,

I feel like I’m unbearable to a lot of people,

I feel like I make people uncomfortable,

I feel like no one likes me.

A New Chapter

A new chapter finally begins,

Hopefully you’re not carrying any sins

Into this new chapter,

Otherwise you will easily shatter,

Into a million pieces like a broken mirror,

Or this new chapter could start with a reign of terror,

Start this new chapter out right,

Let this new chapter bring you delight,

New chapters are meant to be exciting,

And even inviting,

The old chapter is gone and erased,

And a new chapter must be embraced.

Today is a Hard Day

Today is just hard for me,

I hope I’m doing alright,

I hope this is just a rare day,

That is just all too familiar for me.

I hope I’m doing everything right,

I wish I could know for sure,

I hate having doubt,

I hate that I can’t believe in myself.

Will I always hate myself?

Why can’t I love myself?

Why is it a struggle to stay positive?

I guess if it was easy,

Everyone could do it.

I’m trying to do my best,

I’m trying not to worry so much,

But I can’t help it.

Worry creeps in my mind,

Doubt keeps me up at night,

Fear sleeps with me every night.

I thought I was doing better,

I thought I was over days like this one,

Today is not a good day for me,

Today I’m feeling like the old me,

Today I’m realizing a hard truth,

Today I’m having a hard day.

New Pages

I can’t keep writing on the same pages,

I’m running out of space,

And I can’t write as big as I used to.

I need to move on,

I need to let go of these pages,

And write in something new.

A new notebook would get the job done,

More pages means more freedom,

But I can’t let go of these pages,

I’ve put in years for these pages,

There’s so much content in these pages,

I can’t help but smile

Every time I go back to these old pages.

How could I just start over?

How could I just write in an empty notebook?

Am I really ready for a new beginning?

Or can I still hold on to these old pages just a little longer?

Unfortunately, I don’t have a choice.

Change is inevitable,

Change will always come,

It can either be welcomed or come unannounced

Do I delay the inevitable,

Or should I welcome new pages?

Remembering the Good Times

I’m missing you a lot today,

I’m remembering the last time I saw you,

And it wasn’t the best experience,

You were unrecognizable,

You were breaking my heart,

You were a broken, confused version of yourself,

But it wasn’t your fault,

It was a cruel disease that murdered your sweet mind.

It was such a shame.

You had such a beautiful mind and heart,

And you were always willing to share it with me.

You shared love, wisdom and strength to me.

It was hard watching you disappear.

It’s hard not to think about you at your lowest,

But I’m trying my best to remember you at your best.

I’m trying to forget about the bad times,

I’m trying to remember the good times.

A Foggy Path

I remember walking through a foggy path,

I was not sure if I was ever going to make it to my destination,

Nothing was clear to me,

There was only fog surrounding me,

I didn’t know how far away I was from reaching the end,

I didn’t even know if I was on the right path,

But I had no choice,

All I could do was move forward.

I wanted to regress,

And forget about my destination.

But then going back scared me even more,

I didn’t want to go back to where I was,

It was a terrible place,

And it was even scarier than the foggy path,

I could see clearly the environment I hated with a passion,

I was depressed and struggling to find happiness,

At least on the foggy path,

I couldn’t see what was surrounding me,

There were only two options,

All I could do was focus on one of them,

I despised the first option,

And chose the second option every single day,

Because I wanted to progress.

After so much time passed,

I eventually made it to the end,

And I was happier than I had ever been,

I remember everything finally being so clear to me,

It was a dream come true,

All because I went through the foggy path.

Being On Autopilot

I remember it being hard to enjoy life,

There were even times it was moving fast,

And I wasn’t even a part of it.

I was mostly on autopilot,

Just trying to get through hard days.

I wanted to forget those days

And pretend I had little to no control over them.

I refused to find the joy and gladness of those days,

I only wanted misery,

It was a struggle to love life,

It was easy to have a negative perspective on life,

It was easy to blame the world for my problems,

It was easy to hold on to the past,

It was easy to stay in the same place,

It was easy to be on autopilot.

Letting You Go Completely

I remember you wanting me to be angry with you,

You hurt me in unimaginable ways,

And you expected me to respond.

You didn’t care how I responded,

You just wanted a response,

You just wanted my attention.

I never understood why you wanted this,

But it suddenly hit me,

If I’m angry with you,

You’ll still be in my heart, mind and soul.

I’m still holding on to you.

And just struggling to let you go completely.

I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want,

As long as I hold a grudge,

I’m practically stabbing myself,

And expecting you to bleed with me.

I’m only hurting myself.

I want to be happy,

I want to strive to choose kindness and gentleness,

Every single day,

Just because you want to be cruel,

Doesn’t mean that I have to choose that as well.

I hope you can let go,

And be better eventually,

But I want to be better now

And let you go completely.

Leaving You Behind

I want you to know that I’m hurting too,

It’s not easy to ignore you

Or push you away,

But I found that I’m happier without you.

I can see the joy in life clearly,

And I want to experience more of it.

I just want to think about myself,

I just want to take care of myself,

I don’t want to worry about you anymore,

Maybe I’m wrong for having this selfish mentality,

But something tells me I’m not entirely wrong.

Something tells me I deserve to treat myself right,

After putting you first each and every time.

I’m missing you,

But I’m not needing you anymore.

I’m changing and growing in a better way.

Surely you can be happy for me,

But I know you want me to think about you.

Maybe someday I’ll come back for you,

But for now I’m leaving you behind.