I Chose What I Knew

I miss you today,
Not in the way love demands,
But in the quiet ways that linger.
I miss our conversations,
The laughter that came easily,
The adventures that felt simple.
But more than anything,
I miss the friendship we once held,
And I wish it could still live here.

I remember the day you told me you loved me.
I didn’t know what to say.
It surprised me,
Not because it wasn’t sincere,
It was because my heart didn’t know how to meet yours there.

So I told you I had love for you too,
Trying to be careful with my words,
Making it clear that I’m talking about friendship,
Hoping that would be enough.
Then I tried to move forward
As if nothing had changed,
Pretending the moment hadn’t shifted us.
I knew it wasn’t fair,
But I was trying to protect us,
And what we already had.

You grew bolder with your hope.
You asked me, quietly and then clearly,
To imagine more with you.
And I chose not to see the signs,
Not because I didn’t value you,
But because I valued the safety of what we were.

I couldn’t envision love with you.
I couldn’t force a feeling
That wasn’t growing inside me.
And you deserved someone who was certain about you.
Someone who could choose love without hesitation.

I was content being your friend.
I was grateful for where we stood.
But you asked me to take a leap of faith,
And I chose something else,
I didn’t choose fear,
But I chose honesty.
I placed my faith in truth over desire,
In clarity over confusion.
We weren’t meant to walk the same path forward,
And I finally learned to accept that.

So yes, I miss you today.
I miss the time, the closeness, the ease we once had,
But I don’t regret the choice I made.

You walked away because friendship wasn’t enough for you,
And I respect that.
But friendship was enough for me.
It was safe.
It was genuine.
It meant everything in the way I knew how to give.

I didn’t choose love,
Not because I lacked it,
But because I didn’t understand it back then.I chose what I knew.
And today,
I’m grateful for what we were,
Even if we couldn’t become more.

Praying For Nothing

I remember the first time I was praying for nothing,

I wasn’t expecting anything in return,

I was just praying a meaningless prayer that day,

I didn’t care if God was listening to this prayer,

I believed God didn’t care,

I believed He was content in not doing anything for me,

I believed in my worst fears over Him,

And I was scared out of my mind for months,

I was letting nightmares consume me for months,

With no room for sweet dreams to keep me comfort.

Yet I still found myself praying,

Despite my heart not being into it,

Or no longer believing in the power of prayer,

I still prayed that I could get better again,

I still prayed to find peace and happiness,

I still prayed expecting nothing in return.

A True Miracle

I remember I was praying for a true miracle to come my way,

During a time I didn’t even believe in miracles,

During a time I was away from God,

I remember being truly broken,

And just praying because I had no other options.

I was just praying to pass the time,

But it was strangely calming my worries,

I ended up praying for years for a miracle to come my way,

But a clear miracle never came my way,

All I heard was complete silence.

Yet I somehow found the strength to keep going,

I somehow found life to be beautiful again,

I somehow found happiness again,

I somehow found peace again,

In all those years of praying.

Maybe I didn’t need a clear miracle to come my way,

Or maybe the miracle wasn’t so simple,

Maybe I just needed to keep trying,

Maybe I just needed to keep going,

Maybe that’s a true miracle.

A Foggy Path

I remember walking through a foggy path,

I was not sure if I was ever going to make it to my destination,

Nothing was clear to me,

There was only fog surrounding me,

I didn’t know how far away I was from reaching the end,

I didn’t even know if I was on the right path,

But I had no choice,

All I could do was move forward.

I wanted to regress,

And forget about my destination.

But then going back scared me even more,

I didn’t want to go back to where I was,

It was a terrible place,

And it was even scarier than the foggy path,

I could see clearly the environment I hated with a passion,

I was depressed and struggling to find happiness,

At least on the foggy path,

I couldn’t see what was surrounding me,

There were only two options,

All I could do was focus on one of them,

I despised the first option,

And chose the second option every single day,

Because I wanted to progress.

After so much time passed,

I eventually made it to the end,

And I was happier than I had ever been,

I remember everything finally being so clear to me,

It was a dream come true,

All because I went through the foggy path.

A Slow Process

The process of healing from anything is slow.

All it takes is a little faith, patience and trust.

There were times that I didn’t have time to trust the process.

Life was pushing me to hurry up a slow process.

Sometimes I would just forget about the whole process altogether.

Healing took too much time.

I couldn’t afford to give healing all my time.

Life had all my time.

The problems of life were always on my mind.

The pursuit of healing and happiness seemed like an impossible dream.

It seemed like only a few could have it.

Why couldn’t I be a part of the few?

Why was I a part of the masses that couldn’t heal or find happiness?

I wondered.

Every little thing in life just distracted me.

All the pain and hurt I kept inside held me hostage.

I could never be free.

I was always a slave to the past.

I thought freedom was an impossibility.

I’m free from bandage now.

Yet the wounds are still fresh and visible to me.

I hope they can disappear soon.

Or maybe they’ll just end up being a scar I barely notice.

It’s important to remember healing requires faith, patience and trust.

Healing is a slow process.