Nightmares: You Will Never Know

I can’t help but miss you.

I don’t know what I did or didn’t do wrong.

All I know is I long for us to be close again, but nothing remains between us.

We put on a front by showing each other fake love in front of others.

But we know the truth.

We know that our love has run dry.

What did I do to hurt you?

Can I make things better between us?

Or has the damage already been done?

I remember the first time I saw you.

You gave me the purest smile ever, while I gave you my prettiest smile ever.

Was that fair to you?

I don’t know.

You seemed so sure about me.

You showed no fear, but I didn’t know.

We had just met.

How could you know how you felt about me?

Was it love at first sight?

Or was it something else?

I wish that I could ask you

We talk and instantly connect.

You make me smile and laugh so much.

And I do the same to you.

You tell me everything about, and I listen with enjoyment.

There’s something precious about you.

I can’t help but be jealous and envious about the pureness of your heart.

It’s something to cherish and behold.

Then, I wonder if I’ll corrupt you.

Because the blackness in my heart and my blood runs deep in my veins.

It’s toxic and infectious.

And all I can do is worry about you and how my venom will destroy you.

I just can’t do that to you, even though you could be the best thing in my life.

I think that I’ll be the worst thing in your life.

You deserve someone who is flawless, strong, kind, perfect and pure like you.

You don’t deserve someone like me.

You deserve only the best.

I remember how hard it was to resist you the more time we spent together.

I can’t help but give you pure smiles for your goodness, silliness and preciousness.

You make me happy on my worst days, and I can count on you to laugh.

You are perfect in every way.

You always want to know more about me, but I’m resistive.

I keep everything well-guarded in a prison under 24-hour surveillance.

However, you always want to find a way in.

You want to find a secret passage to me, but there isn’t one.

I have to be protective.

I have to keep my guard up because I don’t know what will happen if I let you in.

Maybe you can save me or maybe you’ll die in the process.

I can’t take that chance.

I can’t risk hurting you.

We end up drifting apart.

You keep your distance, and I don’t know why you do this.

You’re still cordial with me, but I know that you want nothing to do with me.

We don’t talk anymore like we used to do.

I can’t help but miss you.

Why did you stop being yourself with me?

Why do you only give me your prettiest smiles?

I only did what was best for you, anything more would have been futile.

You have to know that, right?

You will never know how sorry I am that I hurt you unintentionally.

Not a day goes by that I was I did things differently with you.

I was young, foolish and afraid to get hurt and to hurt you.

You will never know my personal demons or how they constantly haunt me to this day.

You will never know.