Wake Up

There’s no one to blame but myself.

I can’t make anymore excuses anymore.

I have to own up to the person I’ve become.

I’ve become someone that I’m not.

I’ve become someone that I’ve always dreaded.

I’ve become someone that I’m not proud of.

I lost my way.

I long for a cure, but my disease is worse than cancer.

I fear that there is no cure.

I fear that nothing can save me.

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

I don’t even recognize him anymore.

I can’t stand who I see in the mirror.

He doesn’t represent who I am.

I’m capable of being so much more than him.

How did I become him?

I guess it started with the attraction of relaxation.

However, it quickly turned into an addiction to laziness.

Why couldn’t I fight its allure?

Why was it so intoxicating to me?

I guess I was tired of the same old, same old and wanted something new.

I guess I wanted something good for the moment.

I guess I was tired of something lasting and filling.

I want God to bless me out of my struggle, but I don’t think I’m deserving of a blessing.

I don’t know what I’ve done lately to earn a blessing.

I’ve just been in my own little world.

He’s just not in it.

I mean, He visits me every now and then, but I don’t let Him stay with me too long.

He’s not a permanent resident in my cheap apartment.

I miss being with Him.

I thought I could be on my own, but I need Him.

I need His house, His love, His protection, His care.

I need it now more than ever.

God, I’m sorry that I’m haven’t been the person you destined me to be.

I pray that it’s not too late to make that change.

I pray that I can earn the blessing or blessings that you have in my life.

Please, tell me that you still love me.

Please, tell me that I’m still worthy.

I’m lost in my own world.

I’m comfortable sleeping my life away.

I want to wake up, but I’m too tired and not willing to wake up.

Please, can someone tell me the time of dreaming is over?

Please, can someone tell me the time of sleeping is over?

Please, can someone tell me the time of laziness is over?

Please, can someone tell me the time of waiting for an answer is over?

Please, can someone tell me that it’s time to wake up?

This is the end of the poem “Wake Up.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this poem.

On Tuesday, I will be sharing the short story “Checking Out A Scared, Black Woman” on the Warfield Zone.

The Girl I Never Want to See Again: Part One

Last summer, I was working at Sheetz on my usual 6am-2pm shift on a Saturday. I was expecting a normal, typical day up at my usual spot, which is the register. However, the manager had other intentions for me. My manager needed me to be in the kitchen because we were understaffed that day, and I was needed more in the kitchen. I didn’t mind working in the kitchen, but again I was expecting a normal day at the register.

Anyways, I was working with Monica, my coworker, early in the morning. Now, she was usually in the kitchen, while I was up front at the register on the weekends. I didn’t mind working with Monica because she was really fun and awesome to work with on the weekends. We had a brother-sister type of relationship at work, and it was great. We would tease and annoy each other like crazy, and it always made the day go by faster when we were having fun at work. Now, we were going to be working in the kitchen together, and I knew that it was going to be a blast.

I remember how we were just joking and arguing with each other, and it was the best time. We were doing this the majority of the morning, and it really made time past like crazy. We even had time to have a serious, personal talk as we were cooking and making food. I just listened to her as she was talking to me about her situation. Monica talked a good 30 minutes about her situation, and I gave her sound advice. I was telling her that she was strong enough to get through her ordeal and create a better life for herself. She just had to be willing to fight and go get her blessing. Monica thanked me for the encouragement, and we went back to joking around.

At around 11:00 am, Mario and Derek, two of my coworkers, came into work. Mario was helping Monica and I in the kitchen, while Derek was helping up front and other places. Then, it got crazy busy for about an hour. Everyone was all over the place, and it was just complete chaos at Sheetz. Orders were piling up on the screen like crazy, and I didn’t think we would survive in the kitchen. I was sweating and working myself to death trying to make food, and I was asking myself why I decided to come to work today. I should’ve called off, I said to myself. I should have called in sick to have a nice, chill Saturday at home. It was a messy hour, and I didn’t know how I would survive.

Miraculously, I was able to survive the crazy rush at Sheetz. I was tired and winded from the rush we had, when these two pretty women came into the store. They were around the same age as me, and it looked like they had just finished working out. They were both very attractive, and they were just looking nice and fit. One was black, and the other one was white. Anyways, they approached the order points, and I noticed that the white girl was kind of staring at me. I didn’t know what to do because it was weird to me. I was just making food, and I didn’t know why she was staring at me. So, I gave her a sweet look and smiled at her. She blushed, smiled back at me and walked away. I thought that was the end of it, but it was only the beginning.

As I was making food, Monica on her headset said, “Isaiah, don’t look now, but the black girl is staring at you like crazy.”

Whenever you use a headset at work, it’s primarily used for an individual to communicate with everyone simultaneously. So, when Monica said this, everyone heard and chimed in with their opinions. They were telling me to shoot my shot and get the digits. Mario said on the headset, “Wow, I wish that I could have Isaiah’s looks and get girls staring at me.”

I laughed and told Mario to be quiet. I said to him, “Bro, chill. You’re just as handsome as me, okay?”

“Yeah, whatever, Isaiah. I don’t need your lies. I’m ugly and I’m proud. We all know that you should be a model or something, ” Mario stated.

Everyone agreed, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Mario started laughing and started saying that I was just too cute. I was laughing some more, and I told him to just be quiet. Then, I thanked him for pumping me up.

Derek added, “Isaiah, this girl is pretty. I’m gonna try and talk to her friend, but you have to try and talk to your girl.”

Monica said, “Yeah, she’s a cutie. Isaiah, do you want to jump at the register and get her number?”

I was thinking about it, but it wasn’t that important to me. I don’t really try to hit on girls or get their numbers at Sheetz. I might try to “talk” to girls once in a blue moon, but it’s not my prerogative to get girls at Sheetz. In fact, it’s the last place I would go to pick up girls. Honestly, I’m at Sheetz to work, be friendly with my coworkers and customers, and that’s it. Nothing more and nothing less.

So, I told Monica that I was good and continued to cook in the kitchen. I finished two orders, and I gave them to the black and white girl. I smiled, handed them their food and told them to have a good day. My coworkers were making jokes on my headset and telling to shoot my shot, but I ignored them. The girls thanked me and left Sheetz.

It had died down at Sheetz, and it was nice and chill. A few minutes later, the black girl came back inside Sheetz, approached the order point and asked for me to come to her. As I was walking to the order point, my coworkers on my headset were oohing and aahing like crazy, and I couldn’t help but smile. When I made it to the order points, the black girl smiled at me and said, “So, my friend Jessica thinks you’re cute, and she wanted me to give you her Snapchat.”

This is the end of part one of “The Girl I Never Want to See Again.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this story.

I will be sharing and posting part two on Thursday.

Chasing After You

I can see you clearly now.

I want you now more than ever.

I have to be clever and never lose you.

I have to keep you close to my heart, so that we can never be apart again.

Sadly, that’s all my fault.

You did nothing wrong with me.

In fact, you were always by my side, when I did nothing but neglect you.

How could I treat you so bad?

How could I not see your beauty needed my undivided attention?

How did we end up having an on-and-off relationship?

I was lost in this world at a very young age.

I was intoxicated by my own selfish desires, and I couldn’t see you anymore.

You were lost to me in the wilderness I created in my life

I apologize for losing you over the years.

You deserved commitment from me, and I wasn’t giving that to you.

I was distracted by other things, but now I realize you are what I want.

You are what I must have in my life.

If I don’t have you, then what do I have?

I have to ask, how can you be so forgiving?

Why have always been by my side?

Honestly, I now know that we’re destined to be together.

God put you in my life for a reason.

God knew that you were gonna bring out the best version of me.

God knew that you were gonna always believe in me.

God knew that you were gonna be patient with me.

God knew that we had something special that couldn’t compare.

Thank you for not giving up on me.

Thank you for being with me since the day I was born.

I see you now more than ever.

You are what I want in my life.

I am chasing after you.

This is the end of the poem “Chasing After You.”

This week, I will be posting part one of a four-part story titled “The Girl I Never Want to See Again.” Then, I will be posting part two on Thursday.

Checking Out a Soon-To-Be-Mom: Part Two

Just to recap, I found myself thinking about this regular Sheetz customer that I had last year. Her name was Brenda, and it was important for me to be friendly with her. She was pregnant, but it seemed like she was going through a rough time in life. So, I befriended her by talking to her about candy, making her drinks and making sure that I acknowledged her presence with a wave and a smile. Months passed, and I learned from my coworker, Marie, that she was unemployed and having a hard time finding a job because of her pregnancy. Plus, there was no father in the picture with Brenda. Finally, Marie informed me that Brenda was having twins. Now, let’s dive on in to “Checking Out a Soon-To-Be-Mom: Part Two.”

When Marie told me that Brenda was having twins, I couldn’t believe it. I thought to myself that it was crazy and unbelievable the situation that Brenda was in. She was unemployed, single and having twins. I couldn’t imagine going through that, and my heart was breaking for her. Marie saw my uneasiness and asked me if I was okay. I replied, “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just such a shame that she has to go through this on her own. It’s just not fair.”

Marie said, “I agree, I’m hoping for the best for her. I’m just hoping that she can take care of the children somehow. I’m hoping the kids will come out alright.”

I agreed with Marie, and I started telling her about my mom and how she was a single mom for a few years in my life.

I explained how my mom was really holding it together for us before she met my dad Shawn McNeil. My mom got pregnant with me in college, and she had to drop out. When she had me, it was important for her to take care of me and show me love. She was working as a waitress and other jobs to really make sure that I was taken care of. My mom was on food stamps at one point, but she got off them as soon as she had enough money to provide for the both of us. As the years passed, my mom has always assured her love to me and implemented that I wasn’t a mistake. She talks about how I saved her from a dark place, and she’s so thankful and blessed to have me in her life. My mom’s love for me means so much to me because it’s genuine and true. There’s nothing like a mother’s love.

After I said all of that to Marie, I added, “As long Brenda loves her twins, then they’re gonna be alright.”

In my opinion, love is the strongest thing in this world because it will push, drive and motivate you to provide for the people you love. Of course, you need the money and the opportunity to present itself, but if you don’t have love, then all that money and opportunity will be for nothing. What good is an apple if it’s filled with worms and no fruit? You need love to be at the forefront before anything else.

Anyways, I was hoping and praying that Brenda would have love in her heart for her children. In addition, I was hoping for money and opportunity to present themselves to Brenda because she needed it.

During the last month that I saw her, I was debating if I should have a serious conversation with her. I was asking myself if I needed to talk to her just like I talked to the stripper a few months back. However, I decided against it because it wasn’t needed from me. I just felt like I needed to continue to treat her with kindness and respect because it put a smile on her face and be in another place. A place where she wasn’t gonna be a soon-to-be mom.

I remember the last time I saw her, I was stocking some cups and lids. She came over to me and said, “Hey babe, how’s it going?”

“It’s going great, I can’t complain, how are you doing?” I replied.

“I’m doing great, hon. I’m about to have these babies soon, and you probably won’t see me for a while,” Brenda said.

I sighed and said, “That’s a shame. I’m definitely gonna miss seeing you. But thank you for being one my favorite regular customers, and I’m wishing you nothing but the best. I know you’re gonna be an amazing mom and do what you can for your twins.”

She smiled and said, “Thanks, babe, I really appreciate it. I’ll see you around.”

After that day, I haven’t seen her since. I’m just hoping that she has a good job, and she is also providing her children with love and care. I pray for her as much as I can, and I hope to one day see her again.

This is the end of “Checking Out a Soon-To-Be-Mom.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this short story.

I will be posting and sharing poetry on Saturday and Sunday!

Checking Out a Soon-To-Be-Mom: Part One

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself thinking about this regular Sheetz customer named Brenda. Brenda was a regular Sheetz customer last year, and she was always a delight for me. Brenda was funny, friendly, sweet and so much more. She was one of my favorite customers last year, and I just found myself praying for her because she ended up being a mom. Brenda was a couple years older than me, and she was about to be a single mom. I remember seeing her for months as she was pregnant. Now, I’m hoping that she got it all figured out, and she was able to be a great mother.

Last year, I was working up at the register at Sheetz, and it was a normal, typical day. It was the summertime, and we were busy and actually working a lot. Then, there was this moment during the day where the craziness died down, and I was able to relax. A few minutes later, this black woman came into the store. I took a look at her, and she was pretty. I could tell that she was around the same age as me, and I saw that she was pregnant. She was a few months pregnant, as far as I could tell, and she was in a serious rush to get out of Sheetz. I didn’t understand it. I was wondering to myself if everything was alright with her.

A few minutes later, she comes to my register with some drinks and snacks. I say hello to her, and she quietly replies hi back to me. As I’m ringing things up, I notice she’s looking down and really trying to avoid eye contact with me. I don’t know why, but something was telling me to strike a conversation with her. So, I looked at the stuff I was ringing up and noticed that she had candy. I smiled as I discovered that she had sour patch kids, my favorite candy. So, I said, “Okay, I see you with the sour patch kids. These are so good, you can’t go wrong with them.”

She chuckled at my remark and responded, “Yeah, these are good. Sour patch kids are banging.”

I laughed and said, “True that.”

We had a whole conversation about candy, and she was in a much better mood and more engaged with me. She eventually told me her names was Brenda, and I noticed that she was more relaxed and comfortable. When I had bagged everything and gave her the receipt, I was glad that she was smiling and happier. Before Brenda left, she asked me how are the drinks here at Sheetz. I responded, “Oh they’re pretty good, I enjoy them. You can’t go wrong with them, especially if I’m making them. I make sure to put nothing but TLC in them.”

She laughed and said, “Okay cool, then I’ll be sure to get one the next time I come in. You gonna make sure that you make it for me, babe?”

I responded, “I got you, the drink is going to be amazing and out of this world.”

She smiled and said, “Thanks babe, I’m looking forward to it. I’ll see you later.”

I told her it was no problem, and I watched her leave Sheetz. I was glad that I was able to put a smile on her face and put her in a good mood. I don’t know, it just felt like she needed it.

A few days passed, and Brenda came back to the store. When I saw her, I acknowledged her presence, smiled and waved at her. She smiled and waved back at me. She yelled that she was about to get a drink, and I responded, “No worries, I got you.”

Brenda ordered a frozen drink, and I started making it. We made conversation as I was making her drink, and she was telling me that she was going to be coming to the store more often. I was excited to hear this, and she appreciated my excitement. When I was done making drink, she took a sip of it and loved it. She said, “Ok, you got some skill. I’ll give you that. Thanks for the drink and conversation, babe, I’ll see you later.”

I smiled at her and said no problem and have a good one. She left the store, and I was once again happy that I had made her smile and forget whatever troubles she was dealing with in her life.

A few months had passed, and Brenda was a regular Sheetz customer. Every time she came in, I made sure to acknowledge her presence by waving and smiling at her. It was important to me to do this because I felt like she needed it. I wanted her to know that she was appreciated by me, and I could that that it meant a lot to her. I remember one of my favorite coworkers, Marie, had witnessed my friendliness to Brenda, and she told me that it was really sweet of me. I responded, “Yeah, I could just tell that she’s going through a lot and something told me that she just needs a friend.”

Marie was also kind of close to Brenda, and she told me that Brenda had gotten pregnant at a party. So, Marie wasn’t sure if there was a father in the picture to help Brenda. Also, Marie informed me that Brenda was struggling to find a job. Marie explained, “Yeah, Brenda told me that no one would hire her, and she’s just worried as she’s about to have her babies. No one will hire her because she’s pregnant, and it’s such a shame.”

I couldn’t believe it. I was wondering to myself if that was a form of discrimination, and Marie replied that she wasn’t sure. I just couldn’t believe that she was unemployed, but then I found myself confused as Marie said babies to me. I asked what she meant, and Marie replied and said, “Oh, she told me that she was having twins.”

This is the end of “Checking Out a Soon-To-Be-Mom: Part One.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this story.

On Thursday, I will be posting part two of “Checking Out a Soon-To-Be-Mom.”

By My Side

I remember when I was scared and didn’t know what I was doing.

I was losing at life and ready to throw in the towel.

I thought to myself that life was too strong of an opponent.

It was faster and stronger than me.

It’s punches were heavy and brutal.

It was like Muhammad Ali.

Floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee.

I couldn’t see my life with my own eyes and couldn’t get control it.

Instead, I just gave up fighting.

What was the point if I didn’t have the skills and necessary resources to beat life?

So, I let life beat me down to a bloody pulp.

Then, my dad came along.

He saw the hurt that I was going through and pushed me to get up.

He couldn’t bear seeing me lose at life.

My dad knew that I was meant to conquer my life.

My dad knew that I was meant to be a fighter, and he wouldn’t let me lie down in defeat.

Instead, he got me on my feet and trained me.

He trained me to fight life as man, not as a boy.

He trained me to be a planner instead of a procrastinator.

He trained me to believe in myself.

He trained me to strengthen my faith in God.

For He is a powerful ally to have to fight life and all it’s allies.

He fueled me with the necessary knowledge and resources to fight life.

My dad truly trained me well.

It’s a constant fight with life, but I’m hanging in there.

Life comes with many surprises and twists, and it sometimes knocks me out.

However, I quickly get back up and continue the fight.

I’m winning more rounds, and it’s thanks to my dad.

He wouldn’t let me give up on myself because he knew that I could beat life.

He knew that I could flourish in life.

He believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself.

I love you so much dad and thank you for always being by my side.

This is the end of the poem “By My Side.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this poem dedicated to my dad. I love you so much Shawn McNeil and thank you for being the best dad that I needed in my life. You’ve helped me reach unimaginable heights in life, and I’m so thankful and blessed to call you my dad.

This week, I will be sharing a two-part story this week called “Checking Out a Soon-to-be-Mom.” On Tuesday, I will be posting part one.

Never Missing A Thing

When I think about my dad, Shawn McNeil, I’m thankful for having him in my life. I think about his integrity, determination, hard work, respect, kindness, wisdom and love for others. In addition, I admire his faith and how he’s a true man of God. These things and more that he has instilled in his body, mind and soul are things that I strive for and cherish in my life thanks to him. He taught me how to be a man when I was three years old. He came into my life, and he did his job as my father. Throughout the years, he was always by my side and made sure that I not only felt love but understood it. Looking back on the years and now, I realize that my dad was never missing a thing with me.

When I was 11 years old, I remember that I was starting to learn how to play the drums thanks to my dad Shawn McNeil. He wanted my siblings and I to learn how to play either the drums or piano. Since all my siblings decided to learn how to play the piano, I naturally elected to play the drums. I was thinking to myself that somebody has to do it. We have to have a drummer in the family, right? Anyways, I learned for years how to play the drums by Mr. Charles and every year I would participate in a recital. When I was 12 years old, I had my first ever recital with my little brother Isaac. We were performing the song “I Believe I Can Fly” by R. Kelly. I remember I told my biological father Keith about the recital. He promised that he could make it to the recital, but he never did. I invited him to four recitals, but he never made it to any of them. I’ll admit that it bothered me a little when he made false promises to me, but it didn’t destroy me because of my dad. My dad went to all of my recitals, and I felt loved and appreciated because of him. I had my mom and dad at my recitals cheering me on, and it was all I needed to feel loved and appreciated.

In high school, I was a sprinter on the Track and Field team. I participated in the 100 meter, 200 meter, 400 meter and 4×400 meter relay. I told Keith about me being on the track and field team, and he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me to have his approval, especially in high school. I remember year after year he would always promise to come to a track meet, but he never did. It didn’t bother that much because I was used to his empty promises by now. Anyways, I wasn’t hurt that Keith wasn’t there because I had my dad supporting and cheering me on. In fact, he was always exercising and training with me to be a better runner. If it wasn’t for my dad, I probably would never have lettered in track and field. He pushed to be the best possible version of myself, and I’m constantly striving to be the best version of myself thanks to my dad.

One of the things that I really wanted to do in high school was join the theater and drama club. I wanted to act in a school play and/or musical. I talked to Keith about it one time, but he didn’t approve. He said that I shouldn’t do theater or drama club because it was “gay” to him. He didn’t approve of guys that did theater instead of sports, and he didn’t want me doing it. I couldn’t understand the toxic masculinity that existed within Keith, and it was sad and disappointing to me. At the same time, I was still trying to get his approval, so I didn’t do theater and drama club in my sophomore or junior year of high school. However, I did do it in my senior year of high school.

It was the fall play “Murder in the Knife Room” that really enticed me to want to join drama club in my senior year of high school, but I was hesitant because of Keith. My dad actually encouraged me to audition for “Murder in the Knife Room.” He told me that this was something that I needed to do, and it wasn’t gonna make me someone that I’m not. It was going to bring me happiness, and he was going to be there for me and support me. I appreciated my dad and his encouraging words. I ended up being Plastic Politician in “Murder in the Knife Room” and Lucas Beineke in “The Addams Family Musical.” Those two shows, the cast and crew hold a special place in my heart, but that’s another story. Anyways, my dad came to all of my shows, but Keith never came to one.

Around the time of my high school graduation, Keith was talking about how he was gonna come to my graduation. He made a promise to me, but he couldn’t come. I remember I was deeply hurt by this because I had opened myself up to him and believed him. Surely, he wouldn’t disappoint me on this important day in my life, but he did. Thankfully, my dad was there for me, and he was all I needed. He made sure that I wasn’t thinking about Keith rather all the people from my uncles, aunts, family friends, mom, siblings and others that were there for me. My dad made sure to be there with me when I got my diploma, and it meant so much to me that he was proud of me.

Now, I’ll always have love for Keith. I don’t know what’s going on his life, but I know that he’s struggling right now. I pray for him every single day because he is my father, and he will always hold a special place in my heart. However, I’m so thankful and blessed to have Shawn McNeil in my life because he made sure to be a father to me. He knew that I needed that support, and I needed an earthly father figure to believe in me. My recitals, track meets, shows and graduation were special to me because my dad was there for me when Keith wasn’t able to be that father to me. My dad made those things meaningful to me, and I’ll always be grateful for that. I’ll always cherish my dad for teaching me what love was because of those events in my life. I love you always dad, and thank you for never missing a thing with me.

This is the end of “Never Missing A Thing.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this short story.

This weekend, I will be posting poetry dedicated to my dad Shawn McNeil on Saturday and Sunday.

Horror Movies With My Dad

I love movies with a passion, and I couldn’t imagine life without them. They hold a special place in my heart. My favorite genre is horror. Horror movies to me are on another level. I just love all the gore, blood, knives, killing, murder, demon possession, suspenseful music, isolated locations, poor choices, dumb characters, terror, madness and craziness that comes with horror movies. I love horror movies like Psycho, The Exorcist, Jaws, Nightmare on Elm Street, The Conjuring series, Friday the 13th, any horror-themed Stephen King movie, Halloween, Get Out, and so many more. I’m so thankful and blessed to have horror movies in my life, but I know that it wouldn’t be possible without my dad.

I remember it was 2008, and I was at a hotel in Springfield, Ohio. It was for a church convention, and all of my family was there. I was staying in a two-bedroom room with my parents and siblings. My Grandma Mollie was on the same floor as us, and she was a few doors away from us. It was a Thursday night, and my family decided that they wanted to have a family movie night our hotel room. My grandma came over and brought her famous cookies with her to munch on. We even had some popcorn and other snacks. My parents scrolled through all the movies the hotel had, and they discovered a movie that they were dying to see. It was the movie I Am Legend starring Will Smith. My grandma and I were excited about watching the movie because we were both Will Smith fans. I thought that this was going to be a typical Will Smith movie, but I was deceived.

This movie was a little more dramatic. There was no comedy seen it whatsoever. In fact, it was kind of a little scary. It was kind of making me a little uncomfortable. Then, my anxiety got a little worse. In the movie, Will Smith goes into this dark building to retrieve his dog. He was all scared for some reason to go into the building, and I didn’t understand it. Was Smith scared of the dark or something? However, I was scared as he was getting closer and closer to his dog. Will Smith see these groups of people huddled together. I was thinking to myself, what in the world are these things? I’m turning away a little because I’m trying not to watch this movie anymore. Then, Will Smith finds his dog hidden under a table and scared to come out. Will Smith is about to turn around, and I’m thinking to myself, “Oh God, please don’t turn around. Please don’t turn around Will Smith. Please, please, please. I will hate you if you turn around. You will no longer be my favorite actor ever. Johnny Depp will take your place, and you’ll be all the way at the bottom. I do love them Pirate of the Caribbean movies, and Johnny Depp would never deceive me like you are right now Will Smith. Please, I’m so scared. I can’t, I just can’t. I can’t watch this movie. Lord, please help me.”

Sadly, Will Smith slowly turned around and this blood-sucking vampire was waiting for him. It was a wrap for me. I couldn’t watch anymore after seeing that scary vampire thing pop out of nowhere, but I didn’t want my family thinking that I was scared. Luckily, my little sister Shawna was scared out of her mind and needed to go in the other room. I saw this as an opportunity. I remember I sighed, stood up and said, “Look, I’ll go with Shawna to the other room. She shouldn’t be alone right now, and I don’t mind being a good, big brother right now.”

Then, my little sister Shawna said, “Aww thanks big brother, but I’ll be okay. You can watch the movie, I’ll be good.”

My parents asked if she was sure, and she said that it was fine. Then, they told her to go into the other and told me to sit back down. I was panicking, and I continued, “You know I should still go back there with Shawna because I want to be a good big brother. I’m willing to sacrifice this movie because I love my sister. I’m 12 years old, and I need to learn the significance and purpose of sacrificing for the people that I care about. It’s about love and commitment. My sister needs me to be there for her and who am I to turn her away for a movie. I want more than anything to continue to watch this really scary, messed-up movie, but I want to be there for my little sister more. Can’t y’all understand that? Can’t y’all see that I’m trying to do the right thing as Shawna’s big brother? Can’t y’all see what your mind cannot comprehend? Let me be a good big brother to my little sister Shawna.”

After I was done giving that little speech, my little brother Isaac laughed and said, “Wait, I know what it is. Isaiah’s scared of this movie too. That’s why he’s trying to go with Shawna, he’s scared too.”

My parents and grandma started laughing and realizing that my little brother was right. My mom was asking me if I needed to be held or anything, and I was appalled. I was just trying to be a good big brother, and they were turning it into something that it was not. Then, my dad said, “Well, sit down and watch the movie then? If you not scared.”

My little brother added, “Yeah, watch the movie with us, coward.”

There was a moment of silence, and I responded, “Dad, I’m going to the other room with Shawna because I’m just trying to be a good big brother.”

The room erupted with laughter, and I just marched into the room. My little sister Shawna followed afterwards and started laughing at me too. My mom yelled, “Don’t worry, Isaiah, I’ll be sure to tuck you in. Do you need to sleep with me with me and your dad to avoid nightmares?”

There was more laughter following my mom’s statement, and I just never felt so betrayed and humiliated by my own family. I wasn’t scared. I was just trying to be a good big brother. To this day, whenever I Am Legend is on TV, they always burst out laughing and talking about “this is my movie, the one that got me all scared.”

After partially watching I Am Legend, I decided to never watch horror movies. I would just avoid them at all cost.

A few years had passed, and I was avoiding horror movies like crazy. It was hard though because my dad would always watch horror movies by himself. He would always ask if I wanted to watch them, but I said no as I briefly had I Am Legend memories all in my mind. However, that would all change when I started reading Stephen King books in high school. I was reading books like The Shining, Misery, Carrie, Firestarter, Pet Sematary, Salem’s Lot, Dreamcatcher, The Tommyknockers and so many other classic Stephen King books. They were so awesome and amazing to me. The horror and suspense that Stephen King brings in his work is so breathe-taking to me, and I admired his sick, twisted imagination. Stephen King helped me see the beauty and authenticity of horror. My mom and dad noticed that I was reading a lot of Stephen King books, and my dad mentioned, “You know, Stephen King had a lot of his books adapted into movies. We should definitely watch them.”

I totally agreed with him, and I started watching movies like Misery, Cujo, Carrie, The Shining, Thinner, Room 1408 and Firestarter with my parents. It was awesome seeing the books come to life, and I started falling in love with horror movies. I was craving more. I started watching old horror movies like The Excorcist and Psycho. For some reason, my mom couldn’t keep up with the horror movies, and so it was just me and my dad.

I remember my dad and I first started watching Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) and Halloween (1978). I just loved the music associated with Halloween and Michael Myers just killing people like crazy with his butcher knife. In addition, Nightmare on Elm Street was twisted because you could die in your sleep by Freddy Krueger. That was so cool and awesome to me that Freddy was torturing kids by not making them sleep and punishing them if they did. Freddy was a smart serial killer to me, and I had nothing but respect for me as the killer in the movie.

After watching those movies, I kind of wanted to watch more sick, twisted horror movies. My dad looked at me and said, “Say no more.”

He suggested that we watch the Saw series together, and it was so great. We watched all the Saw movies together, and it was so great and fun watching them with my dad. We would always add little things and laugh at characters just not doing what they needed to do to stay alive. We were praising Jigsaw for his many traps on his victims, and we just loved all the twists in the movies.

Then, we started getting into demon possession type horror movies. I remember we watched the Sinister series together, and we just loved it. Then, we saw Insidious, and it was alright to us. We saw more and more demon possession horror movies on Netflix, cable and pretty much anywhere that we could find them. Fast forward a few more years, and we started going to theaters together to watch all kinds of new horror movies together. We saw most of The Conjuring series movies in theaters and so many other movies together.

Today, my dad and I continue to watch horror movies together whenever we can. I’m so thankful that my dad and I can have something so special together. As I reflect on the many horror movies we saw together over the years, I find myself remembering the laughter, the debates, the surprises and the disappointment we shared watching horror movies together. Of course, I don’t only watch horror movies with my dad. I love watching horror movies with my best friend Obi and other friends. However, nothing can compare to watching horror movies with my dad.

This is the end of “Horror Movies With My Dad”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this short story about my dad.

On Thursday, I will be posting “Never Missing a Thing,” another short story about my dad.

Better Than Somebody I Used to Know

I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.

I can clearly see your love to me is real.

Sorry if you don’t know that.

You know that opening up is a struggle for me, but you don’t care.

You push me to the point of anger to open up because you only want the best for me.

More than somebody I used to know.

I can’t help but thank you for that.

I don’t know where I would be without you.

I would probably be another statistic or even an alcoholic like somebody I used to know.

I probably wouldn’t even have God or love in my heart.

Somebody I used to know would create something different in my heart.

It would be empty filled with darkness, hatred and excuses.

It’s scary to imagine, but you wouldn’t allow such an atrocity to happen to me.

You made sure to ignite a light inside me that has grown into a fire.

A fire that would see no darkness, see no hatred or see no excuses.

For that, I thank you.

You’ve always been by my side.

Somebody I used to know would hide from me.

You’ve always been my motivation.

Somebody I used to know was my aggravation..

You’ve always been my role model.

Somebody I used to know was my false idol.

Even though you haven’t been with me all my life, I love you with all my heart.

You have supported me in ways I could never imagine.

Your strength, honor and integrity is like no other.

My love to you is unconditional.

My love to somebody I used to know is conditional.

Thank you for being so much better than somebody I used to know.

This is the end of the poem “Better Than Somebody I Used to Know” in the Poetry series.

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this poem.

In honor of Father’s Day and my dad’s birthday coming up next week, all writings this week will be dedicated to my dad Shawn McNeil! On Tuesday, I will be posting the short story “Horror Movies With My Dad.” On Thursday, I will be posting the short story “Never Missing a Thing.” Then, I will be posting two poems about my dad on Saturday and Sunday!

My Recurring Nightmare

Why do you always want to hurt me in the worst possible way?

What did I do to ever hurt you?

For years, I believed in you and me, and I didn’t care what others said about you.

They didn’t know you like I knew you.

That’s what I always said to myself, but I realize now that I was deceived.

You always promised me that you would change, but you never did.

Why?

False advertisement, I guess.

Why did you lie to me for years?

Why do you continue to lie to me, when I know the truth?

Is it just easier to hurt me with your lies?

Can you only lie to me?

Is lying to me the only thing you can do to me?

Or have your lies become your truth now?

How can I love you, when I’m too tired to?

I’m tired of giving you everything, while you give me nothing.

I’m sorry, but my love to you is conditional.

I remember when it was unconditional, but you proved to me that it wasn’t.

How can my love be unconditional when all I saw was your dark side?

How can my love be unconditional when all I saw was your addiction?

How can my love be unconditional when all I saw was your anger?

How can my love be unconditional when all I saw was your excuses?

How can my love be unconditional when all I saw was your hatred?

How can my love be unconditional when all I saw was your destruction?

How can my love to you be unconditional?

Why can’t you let me go?

Can’t you see that my life’s better without you?

Can’t you see that I’m happier without you?

No, you never will.

Nor will the world.

They tell me that I have to give you chance after chance because of who you are.

They tell me that I have to honor you because of who you are.

They tell me that you love me because of who you are.

They tell me that I have to forgive and forget because of who you are

They tell me that I have to have you in my life because of who you are.

They tell me that I have to turn the other cheek because of who you are.

Well, I must ask when is enough enough?

Please, I just want to be free from your grasp.

I want to enjoy a life without you.

Can’t the world understand that?

I can’t lie, I do genuinely love you.

Without you, I wouldn’t be here.

However, you’re the worst.

It hurts me to say that, but it’s the truth.

You bring out the worst in me, and I want no part of you in my life because you’re toxic.

I know you won’t see these words or care about them at all.

You’ll just consider this poem a lie to who you are.

In your eyes, you’re the best with no flaws.

You were just dealt a bad hand, and I have to understand that.

Sadly, I refuse to understand that truth of yours.

How long will this go on?

How long will you continue to blame the past?

How long will you continue to blame life for who you are?

How long will you continue to give me false hope?

How long will you continue to disappoint me?

How long will you continue to give me promises that you can’t keep?

How long will you continue to abandon me?

How long will you continue to deceive me?

How long will you continue to have no knowledge of who I am?

How long will you continue to be my recurring nightmare?

This is the end of the poem “My Recurring Nightmare” in the Nightmares series. Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this poem.

Tomorrow, I will be posting another poem on the Warfield Zone!