Imagine Her Being a Butterfly

It’s hard to imagine a black woman being a butterfly in this world.

Can you imagine that?

I hope that some of you can, but I struggle to imagine it.

I think about a black woman who protested and risked her life every single day for the justice of a black man.

Unfortunately, that black woman would later be sexually assaulted and murdered by a black man.

Can you imagine that?

Then, I think about a black woman who was sleeping in the privacy and safety of her own home.

Her own home would be mistakenly invaded by the police.

She would then be brutally murdered by the police.

Can you imagine that?

I think about how a black woman’s protection is conditional.

For some black men, a black woman has to meet certain criteria points in order to have their protection and love.

At the same time, she must still be strong.

Never weak, always strong.

A black woman must listen and submit themselves to these black men in order to have some of their protection.

Can you imagine that?

I think about these things and wonder if a black woman can truly be a butterfly.

Can she fly, flutter and be free?

Or will she always be a caterpillar trapped in a unbreakable cocoon?

I would love to see a black woman be a butterfly.

It would be beautiful and glorious, but I struggle to imagine it.

She always has to meet certain standards.

She’s always expected to stand, fight, protest, protect and march.

She’s always getting attacked for doing too little or too much.

I often wonder does she even have the time and opportunity to be a butterfly?

I’m genuinely asking because I have no idea.

Can you be positive about the future of a black woman?

Can you see a black woman be free and exceed expectations?

Can you see her fly high in the sky?

Can you imagine a black woman being a butterfly?

We Are Always Wrong

Throughout history, we have always been wrong in their eyes.

In times of slavery, we were wrong.

In times of Reconstruction, we were wrong.

In times of segregation, we were wrong.

In times of the Civil Rights Movement, we were wrong.

In times of marching, we were wrong.

In times of protesting, we were wrong.

In times of kneeling, we were wrong.

When will we ever be right in their eyes?

When will we ever get their support?

When will our anger, frustrations, disappointments and sadness be recognized in their eyes?

I fear we will never know.

I fear that we can never be right in their eyes.

So what should we do?

How can we please them with our actions?

How can we make them comfortable with our marching and protesting?

Honestly, there is no way to appease them.

They will always think we are wrong, but it honestly doesn’t matter what they think.

They have no right to tell us how to think or feel for our people.

They have no right to tell us how to march and protest for our people.

They have no right to tell us how to grieve for our people.

They have no right to tell us how to fight for our people.

They don’t own us anymore.

We are not their slaves anymore.

Too many black lives have been lost to racism and injustice in America.

Real change is necessary for our people.

Our anger and mourning are justified, don’t let them tell you otherwise.

Justice for our people must come soon.

I’m tired of them telling us to wait, to calm down and to be patient.

That time has long passed.

White Americans, Asian Americans, Pacific Island Americans, Italian Americans, Irish Americans, Hispanic Americans and Native Americans, we need your support against them.

Help us fight them and show them that black lives matter.

Who am I talking about?

Who are the “they” that I am talking about?

They are the ones with all the power in this country.

They are the ones that have evil and hatred in their hearts.

They are the ones that allow racism and discrimination to run this country.

They are the ones that turn a blind eye to injustice against people of color.

They are the ones that always change the subject when it comes to black lives and police brutality.

They are the ones that quickly tell us that all lives matter.

They are the ones that tell us to let things go.

They are the ones that tell us that they see no color.

They are the ones that tell us to shut up.

They are the ones that tell us that things are better for us now, and we should be grateful.

They are the ones that tell us that we’re wrong in how we peacefully protest.

They are the ones that tell us that we are always wrong.

Getting Condoms With A Friend

Last summer, my friend Marvin and I were working out at Planet Fitness. It was a Thursday, around 8:30 when we met up at the gym. We ran on the tread mill, worked on our stomach and arms. We ended up being done at 10:00. After we’re done working out, I remembered that I needed to get some water and bread from Walmart. I asked Marvin if he wanted to come to Walmart with me, and he said yeah sure. As we were walking to our cars, I joked, “Hey Marvin, while we’re at Walmart we should get some condoms.”

I laughed at my comment, and Marvin had this confused look on his face. He looked at me and said, “Oh my God, Isaiah. Why would we get condoms? There’s no reason for us to get condoms, bro.”

We both started chuckling, and I said, “You’re right, there’s no reason for us to get condoms. After all, I have so many anyways.”

Marvin stopped walking. I looked at him, and he had this shocked look on his face. I started laughing like crazy at his face, and he was yelling that this was not a laughing matter. He wanted an explanation. So, I chuckled and explained, “Yeah man, I got two in my wallet, four in my backpack, two in my jacket and two in my car. I may have a few at home, too. Other than that, I don’t have that many.”

Marvin exclaimed, “Oh my God, Isaiah. Why do you have so many condoms? There’s no reason for you to have that many condoms, considering you’re…you know…a…um…a…

“A what? Come on, say it with your chest. Don’t be scared,” I interrupted.

Marvin nervously said, “You’re…you know…a…um…virgin. And there’s nothing wrong…

“I know that there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, thank you very much. Do you know how many girls have been trying to get with this irresistible, caramel body? I’m thankful and blessed to be a virgin, it’s nothing that I’m ashamed or embarrassed about, and you shouldn’t be either,” I said.

Marvin chuckled and said that I was right. Then, we went back to talking about me having condom. Marvin asked for proof of condoms that I had. I said okay, and I showed the two condoms in my wallet and the two in my jacket. Then, we went to my car, and I showed him the two condoms in my car. Unfortunately, I didn’t have my backpack and jacket with me, but the condoms that Marvin saw were enough evidence to him. He had this horrified look on his face, and he said, “Oh my God, Isaiah. Why do you have condoms in the first place? Are you talking to someone that I don’t know about or something, bro?”

I laughed and said, “Nah man, I ain’t talking to nobody. I mean, I hung out with that one girl and nothing crazy happened. I just have condoms for protection, and it’s nice to have them because you never know.”

“Oh my God, Isaiah. Wait, are you still trying to wait till marriage?” Marvin asked.

I told him that I was still trying, then he said, “Then, aren’t you more likely to have sex with a girl if you have a condom with you?”

I laughed and replied, “No because having a condom is like an emergency break for a car. You’re never gonna use it, but it’s good to have it with you. You’ll only use it in case of an emergency.”

Marvin didn’t understand my argument, and we kept going back and forth about me having a condom. We argued for five minutes, until we decided to agree to disagree. Then, I smiled and added, “Well, I think you should get some condoms at Walmart.”

Marvin asked why he would do such a thing. I said, “Well, aren’t you going to visit your girlfriend in Virginia this weekend? You don’t want to be unprepared when she’s ready to get it on and all.”

Marvin blushed and said, “Oh my God, Isaiah. You honestly think that me and Mary are gonna do it?

I chuckled and said, “Oh yeah, it’s very possible. I’m like 80% sure that y’all are gonna do it. You two haven’t seen each other in months, and it just wouldn’t surprise me if y’all did anything.”

He agreed with me, and I told him that it honestly wouldn’t hurt to get some condoms. Then, he looked at me and wondered if maybe he should try to wait like me. The thought of having sex made him nervous. He didn’t know if he was ready or prepared for something like that. I laughed and said, “Relax man. You’ll be fine. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. You just gotta go with the flow man. You love her, right?”

Marvin nodded his head, I shrugged my shoulders and said, “Well then, it wouldn’t hurt to be prepared just in case something does happen.”

My friend understood exactly what I was saying. We talked a little bit more, and we ended up walking to our cars and heading to Walmart.

When we made it to Walmart, we went in the grocery section, so that I could get some water and bread. After I got those things, Marvin and I headed to the other side of Walmart to get some condoms. As we were getting closer to the treasure, I noticed that Marvin was getting a little nervous. I asked him what was wrong, and he said, “It just feels weird getting condoms at Walmart. Like what if somebody sees us?”

I laughed and dramatically said, “Now that I think about it, we are very, very bad boys right now for getting condoms. I mean, these people in Walmart, who probably aren’t virgins themselves, will probably look at us with judgment and disgust. Why, they’ll be thinking to themselves, ‘Those boys are nasty. Getting condoms to have safe, protected sex. It makes me sick. How dare they consider it. Fornication makes me sick. Lord, please forgive these sinners for even considering getting condoms. I beg of you, Lord Jesus. I cannot believe what I am seeing with my unclean eyes. I am appalled at these heathens.'”

“Oh my God, Isaiah,” Marvin laughed.

Then, I continued, “Yeah, they just need to wait till marriage. That’s all they need to do. I mean, I didn’t do it, it was hard for me. It was a struggle, but they can’t know that it was hard for me too. They just need to know that it’s expected of them, and they can surely do it. They don’t need no condoms at all until they are married to their wife. And if one of them do decide to fornicate and shame a girl, well then she’ll just end up pregnant and it will be all a part of your plan, God, for his life.”

“Oh my God, Isaiah. You’re so dramatic,” Marvin said.

I laughed and said, “Of course I am. But look man, I promise you that these people in Walmart don’t care what’s going on with us. And it’s normal and responsible of us to get condoms. It’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, I promise you.”

Marvin appreciated my words, and he admitted to me that there was some fears he had in regards to religion and how they would view it. I replied, “Look man, I wish the church would be more helpful in these situations. I wish that they were more open and honest with the young people that are confused about their sexual desires. I wish the church would be willing to educate and help those that are confused about sex, but they don’t want to deal with that in an effective way. They want to continue to do what they’re doing, even though it’s clearly not working because it’s the way it must be according to the elders. This old-school mentality to just abstain from sex and fear fornication when it’s clearly not working. You still have people in the church getting pregnant left and right because you’re afraid and uncomfortable to have an open dialogue about sex.”

“Oh my God, Isaiah. You’re right, it’s up to us to really be responsible,” Marvin said.

I nodded my head and said, “Yeah man, you just need to get some condoms because you never know what’s going to happen. You could easily have sex with Mary or maybe nothing’s going to happen, but it’s good to be prepared and responsible with some condoms. If you do end up having sex without any condoms, and she ends up pregnant, then your life is going to change completely. Why take that risk? Just get some condoms man for protection.”

Marvin appreciated my words of wisdom and thanked me for them. Then, he was ready to go to the condoms. We looked at different condoms from Skyn, Trojan, Magnums, Durex and others. Marvin ended up finding the right ones for himself, and we ended up checking our things out. Then, we headed out of Walmart.

When we made it outside, we headed to our cars with our things. As I was putting the water and bread in my car, there was a thought that came in my head. There was something important that I needed to tell Marvin. So, I rushed over to his car and yelled wait before he left. He got out of his car and asked what was wrong. Then, I said, “Make sure you practice putting the condoms on before seeing Mary.”

Marvin laughed and said, “Oh my God, Isaiah. Is that really necessary?”

“It’s absolutely necessary. You need to make sure you know how to secure that thing. Otherwise, it will be going all over the place. I’m just trying to help you out man,” I replied.

“Ok will do, bro. And thank you again for helping me out with this. I would’ve been lost without you,” he said.

I told him that it was no problem, and I was glad that I could help him out. As I walking away, Marvin asked me to wait. I turned around, and he asked, “Do you think that you’ll still be a virgin till marriage?”

I was surprised by this question, and I was surprised by my answer. I said, “I don’t really know man. I don’t know how I feel about waiting till marriage anymore. I remember that I was 15 years old when I got my purity ring, and I’m 22 years old now and I’m a different person now. I don’t have the same views like I did before, and I don’t know if I want to retain some of them. For right now, I don’t know anymore if I want to be a virgin till marriage.”

“Oh my God, Isaiah. My boy’s gonna have a little bit of the sex,” Marvin responded.

I laughed and said, “I don’t know about all that man. I mean, if I fall in love with a girl, then maybe I will. But again I don’t know man, it’s something that I need to think about. I mean, I don’t know if I want to be open for business for these ladies that have been waiting for me, and just give them everything they needed and wished for such a long time. But for a girl I love, maybe. It’s open to interpretation.”

This is the end of “Getting Condoms With a Friend.”

Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone, and I hope that people that are having a little bit of the sex tonight have protection.

Please Forgive Me

I’m glad that you’re back in my life again.

I’ve missed you so much.

I hated that there was a division between us.

I hated the wall between us.

I longed for your warm touch.

Ironically, it wasn’t that big of a wall.

It was a little wall that was easy to step over.

It’s crazy that I didn’t have to jump over it.

I just had to will myself to the wall.

Sadly, that was easier said than done.

There was something in me that never existed before.

It was doubt about you.

I had doubt about us.

I didn’t know if we could be together.

I thought that maybe it was a mistake to have you in my life.

I thought that I didn’t deserve someone like you.

I thought that I wasn’t worthy of you.

I thought that we couldn’t go the distance.

I’m glad that we have each other again.

I’m glad that I could finally will myself over that small wall between us.

Thank you for your patience and kindness with me.

I promise to always keep you close to my heart.

Life may have gotten crazy, but it was no excuse to push you away from me.

You’re a part of who I am, and I love who I am when I’m with you.

I’ll hold on to you as long as I can.

Please forgive me for abandoning you.

Please forgive me.

Another Petty-ish Moment

Last year, I was working a typical, Saturday morning at Sheetz from 6:00 am-2:00 pm. As usual, I was stationed at the front to work the register. Five minutes into my shift, I’m approached by my co-worker Sasha. She asked me if she could talk to me about something important. We’re not really busy early in the morning, so I didn’t have to worry about any customers. I asked her what was up, and she said, “So I have this friend that I was with on Sunday, and she saw a picture of you on Facebook and thought you were cute.”

I giggled, and I asked her how her friend saw a picture of me. Sasha explained that she was just scrolling through Facebook, and her friend Sarah stopped her scrolling when she saw a picture of me. Sasha continued, “Yeah, you were wearing this really nice suit, and you were with your sister and cousin I believe.”

At first, I didn’t know what picture she was talking about, but she showed it to me on her phone. Once I realized the picture, I said, “Oh that picture. Yeah, I was at wedding last week. It was my cousin Dajah’s wedding. I got to be an usher, and I was taking a couple of pictures with my cousin Camilla and my brother Isaac. It was such a beautiful ceremony, and I’m just so happy for my little cousin.”

Before I continue the story, I need to address and help my Facebook stalkers out. So, if you go on my page, which you always do, go on my see all photos tab and click on uploads. Once you click on uploads, click on the first picture of my uploads picture, which should be my profile pic. After that, you just keep swiping left till you reach 50 of 95 and 51 of 95. Or you can just swipe down till you see me in a nice suit with my cousin and brother. Anyways, those are the two pictures that me and Sasha are referring to right now in this story. I just wanted to help y’all out and make y’all’s life a little bit easier. I kind of appreciate you all, hope y’all like them and happy stalking. Now back to the story.

“Aww that’s nice that your young cousin got married and all,” Sasha said.

I replied, “Oh no, she’s older than me. I just call her my little cousin because she’s shorter than me.”

We both laughed, then Sasha talked about her friend was so cute and asked if I was interested in her friend. I asked if she would show me a picture of her, but she refused. She said, “Wow, Isaiah, you can’t trust me when I say that my friend is cute and pretty. I’m hurt.”

I looked at her and said, “Sasha, your friend saw me on Facebook and thought that I was cute. Don’t I deserve the same courtesy? I should see a picture of her and determine if I’m interested in her or not. I mean, I need a little something to work with since she got enough to determine that I was a whole snack for her.”

We both started laughing, and she understood where I was coming from. So, she went on her phone and tried to find a “good” picture of her on her phone. After five minutes, she eventually found a “good” picture of her in her phone and showed it to me. When I first saw the picture, I thought that she was pretty. So, I said, “Alright, she cute. I’m not gonna promise anything, but I’m down to get to know her a little bit and see what’s up. You can just give me her number or something.”

Sasha was happy to hear this and explained that she could give her friend my number. I told her that was fine, and she went back to the kitchen all excited that I would be potentially “talking” to her friend.

After all that, I went back to register. It was around 7:00 am, and it was still a quiet day at Sheetz so far. Then, this old, white man came into the store. He looked like he was in a rush to find some things. He ended up getting a coffee, and a few snacks. After he got all his things, he headed my way to check his things out. He was in a rush, but once he saw me, he started to slow down. Then, he stopped halfway towards me. There was someone behind him, and he politely let that person in front of him. I thought it was really weird because he was in rush, now all of sudden, he was no longer in a rush. It didn’t make sense. After I was done with the customer, I said to the old, white man, “I can take you right here, sir.”

He looked at me with disgust and said, “Bring someone else up to ring me, would you? I don’t want you.”

I was so confused and perplexed as to why he didn’t want me to ring him up. Then, I looked at myself and realized the reason. I sighed and decided to try to call someone up to ring because I wasn’t trying to deal with him. However, I quickly noticed that my headset was off. Before I could turn it on, the old, white man said, “Hurry up, nig….boy.”

I stopped myself from turning on my headset and wondered to myself, “Was this old man really about to call me the n-word?”

Also, it didn’t help that he called me a “boy” either. So, I looked at him and asked him again what he said. He saw how serious I was and said, “Just hurry up, I’m in a rush.”

I responded, “Oh ok.”

Now, I was looking down on my headset and an idea popped in my head. I was thinking to myself that maybe I ask for someone to ring up this old white man, but I don’t turn on my headset. Then, I asked myself, “Do I really want to be that petty and ruin this old man’s day?”

The answer was yes. At this moment, I was gonna be petty-ish with this old man. Why? Because he ruined my day, and I was just gonna return the favor. There was a part of me that wanted to turn the other cheek, but I just couldn’t at this moment. So, I said in my off headset, “Is someone able to ring this person up?”

I knew that no one heard me, but the old man was satisfied. Then, he said, “Yeah, I don’t want you touching my things. I prefer someone else.”

Now, I deal with a lot of racists at Sheetz, but this one right here was the most ridiculous one to me. I didn’t say anything to him after his statement, and I just stocked cigarettes while he was the only person in line.

A few minutes passed, and he was frustrated and growing impatient. I was just standing at the register watching him. He was looking at his watch, and he asked me, “Hey, is someone gonna come up and ring me or not, boy?”

Again, he called me “boy” and it just made me chuckle a little bit because I could feel the anger in his voice. I smiled, looked at him and said, “Oh, I don’t know what’s going on. They might’ve just forgotten about you, but I’ll ask again.”

So, I asked again on my off headset if someone would ring up the old man.

Ten minutes passed, and this old, white man was still waiting for someone other than me to ring him. He was determined to have his stuff rung up by a white person, and it was honestly pathetic and shameful to me.

All of a sudden, he yelled, “This is ridiculous! I have been waiting here for service for 15 minutes and no one is trying to ring me up! Where’s your manager, boy?”

I just looked at him and shrugged my shoulders. I decided not to say anything anymore because I just wanted him gone at that point, and it was nice to see that he had reached his breaking point. Then, he said, “Are you gonna answer me, boy?”

I smiled, chuckled and shrugged my shoulders again. He was really angry that I wasn’t answering his questions, and he ended up just going to the kitchen. He demanded that someone ring him up. My co-worker Mark was coming up to the register, but then he saw me. Then, he said, “Oh, Isaiah can ring you up, sir. He can take—

The old man interrupted, “I don’t want that…that….just ring me up, will ya?”

Mark ended up ringing up all his stuff. When he was close to being done, I looked down at my headset and said, “Oh my headset isn’t on. That’s why you guys couldn’t hear me.”

I started laughing, but the old man was fuming. After Mark was done bagging his things, the old man snatched his bag. He looked at me and said, “I’m never coming back here as long as you’re here.”

Before I could say anything, he stormed out of Sheetz. I laughed at him, and Mark asked me how come he didn’t want me to ring him up. I said, “I don’t know, man. I don’t know.”

Sadly, I guess some things are hard to let go of in this world.

This is the end of the short story “Another Petty-ish Moment.”

Be sure to like, share and comment your thoughts on this short story.

Next week, I will be posting and sharing parts one and two of the six-part horror story “The White Mask.”